Weakness or Strength?

It seems that every where I turn lately people are suffering. I don’t know if there is really more suffering than there has been in the past, or if just the people I know are suffering more, or if I’m just more sensitive. But it does seem that more and greater burdens are being placed upon people. As I’ve observed this adversity in people’s lives I’ve learned so much. The most important thing is to never judge. You absolutely never know what people have gone through or what they are going through.

I remember a story a friend told me years ago. He had been to a party of young adults and saw a beautiful, well dressed, young woman that he maneuvered to meet. As he “positioned” himself to meet her he found out that besides being beautiful she was well educated, and everyone reported that she was a lot of fun to be around. Finally he met her, but was immediately put off by her speech. Her words were not clearly enunciated and often slurred. He thought that someone as educated should take the time to speak properly and so he left her as soon as he got the chance and went on to visit other people.

Later in the evening he was talking to someone who had seen him with the woman. “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” the man said. My friend answered, “Yes, but you’d think she’d speak more clearly.” The man stared at him, “For someone who is almost totally deaf, I think it’s remarkable that she’s learned to read lips and speak as well as she does.” I don’t need to explain how that stunned my friend. What he had judged as a failing was actually a miraculous achievement.

Not all of our adversity and suffering is obvious to others, but it all affects us and the very thing we may judge as a weakness in others may be an amazing act of bravery and courage. In short, we need to not judge but always support and encourage each other.

Beware of Mirrors in the Stories We Tell

Yesterday I was looking for a book on Amazon and reading the various reviews of the book. Most of the ratings for the book were five star but one review was only a three star so I read it first. The reviewer talked about how good the book was, said the research was sound, but then said that the book was ruined because the author threw in a lot of historical research just so he could brag about the important people he had known and worked with.

The next review I read was one of the five star reviews. This reviewer said the same positive things about the book, but then added a comment about how the book slows down a little as the author explains the historical research in an effort to give credit to the scholars who have not been properly acknowledge for their contribution to the field.

Interesting example of Storytelling! Same book, but two people assigned their own meaning to the inclusion of the historical research. What Storytelling often reveals is not fact (neither reviewer can know for sure why the author included the research). Instead Storytelling reveals what our motivation would have been if we were the author. If we are the kind of person who would brag, then we think that’s what everyone else does. If we are the kind of person who would want to give proper credit to fellow workers, then that’s what we think everyone else is doing.

When we judge others we usually use our own criteria to make the judgment. So a statement of judgment can say as much about the person making the statement as it does about the person being judged. Listen to the stories you tell about what others are doing and watch to see if your own motivations to do things aren’t mirrored in the story.

I know I find myself in my stories about others all too often! So I laugh at how ridiculous I’m being and drop the story. Isn’t it wonderful we can all grow and change!


PS This is the last day to enter the book give away!

Approaching Hectic!

I’ve been very busy lately and after living with no stress and no pressure for the last six months to suddenly be pressured and stressed is strange. I keep asking myself how I lived with pressure for so many years. After all, this is how my life has been forever. The hardest and most time consuming part of getting ready for brain surgery was making sure all my bases were covered and that everything I normally took care of would be taken care of while I was incapacitated. I was a busy person!

Now as I return to normal, hectic life I’m encountering new challenges. I don’t have the stamina I used to. My mind, after undergoing brain surgery, doesn’t process as fast and as well. As I try to do things like I used to, I find myself growing befuddled and confused. It is very strange and disconcerting. It is as if I have a different body than the one before the surgery. But the doctors assure me that I’ll be back to 100% in another six months or so. I hope so, but even if I don’t get everything back I have learned a valuable lesson from all of this.

This has given me a whole new appreciation for other people’s limits and capacities. I am ashamed to admit it, but I used to get impatient with people who didn’t catch on to things fast. I used to judge and be critical, but I’m repenting of all that. Each of us have different capabilities and talents and abilities. Each of us have strengths and weaknesses and when we are critical of others we are looking only at their weaknesses and not their strengths. I hope I never forget that just as I am struggling right now to do my best when that best is not always optimal, others are also doing their best. Instead of being critical, I hope that from now on I can always patiently help and encourage.

My Surprise Finding

It has been an interesting week. Last week I went to Church for the first time without a hat. No problems. Everyone was so nice and complimentary. I felt so loved.

This week I went out into the world without a hat. Most people didn’t pay much attention to my hairdo. But there were a few surprises. It didn’t bother me, as a matter of fact it was extremely interesting. One woman looked at me, looked at my hair a momen,t and then started to laugh. One man dressed in a suit and tie, stared at me, and when he noticed I was looking back, pursed his lips, scowled, and shook his head until I finally looked away.

As I said, it didn’t bother me. But it did surprise me—a lot. It was something I never expected. I don’t pretend that I thought everyone out there would like this short “boy-cut” on a woman, but I never in a thousand years would have guessed that people would say or do anything to convey their dislike. It gave me a taste of what other people who are different must encounter. It also made me wonder how many of those “different” people have very good reasons for being different. This has taught me a great lesson in not judging others. You never know why people are the way they are.