Love Lasts Forever

Yesterday was my parent's sixty-fifth wedding anniversary. The only problem is that Mom had to celebrate it alone because Dad left this earth a few years back. I knew Mom would be hurting and so I called her to see how she was holding up.

"It's a bitter sweet day," she said. "I'm thankful for the many years we had together, and I know his death wasn't an end but only an interruption--we will be together for eternity--but right now it's lonely withou him."

Then, as she has every year on their anniversary, she told me about the day they were married. They were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple by her grandfather, the president of the temple. "It was a grey, drizzly day," she said. "But Grandfather told us that what starts in a storm ends in sunshine." And that's the truth.

The room they were married in was later removed and an elevator installed in that space. My dad used to joke that their marriage had been going up and down ever since.

But it mainly went up! And now as I watch Mom anticipate being with Dad again, I am awed by the blessings of eternity made possible by an Atonement, priesthood authority, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. Because of these things families can continue to go up and up and up--even though in mortality there are a few down days! That's the Good News!--Love lasts forever.

Forty-Four Years of Love's Beginnings

Forty-four years ago today Mr. J and I were married in the Manti Temple for time and all eternity. In those intervening years some days have felt like eternity, but most have fled like Christmas mornings—over before you want them to be. We’ve worried together, laughed together, cried together, and teased and loved each other. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been worth it.


Married life is an amazing thing. When I was young I thought marriage was all about romance and love. Now I realize married life is all about sacrifice and love. It is about growing and serving and becoming like God. Marriage is beautiful in very sacred ways and making it work well is the greatest education in the world.

Mr. J has loved me when I was at my worst--when I was bald, when I was preoccupied with children, when I was busy going to school, and when I was just plain ornery. Most importantly he has loved me into being my best. He has supported, bragged about, and encouraged me when I needed it most.

So here’s to the love of my life, Mr. J and to our next forty-four thousand years together. They are going to be good years!

Being One Flesh

I’m talking about marriage in class today—my very favorite lesson to teach and wanted to share with you one of the quotes I will be using. This comes from the book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Dr. Daniel G. Amen who has used fMRI technology to learn a great deal about the brain and how it works. 

*         One of his discoveries is that “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Yet limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex “just for the fun of it,” yet something is occurring on another level they might not have decided on at all; Sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not.”

This takes us right back to the scriptures where we are told that “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Elder LeGrand Richards explains this verse by saying:  “It is evident that the Lord did not have in mind that they should be one in purpose and desire, for he makes himself clear as to what this oneness should consist of: ‘one flesh.”

*         Dr. Amen goes on to explain that because of this oneness, “Losing a spouse or lover is traumatic in a different way from losing any other loved one. Once you have made love with a person on a regular basis, death can be extraordinarily painful because the deep limbic connection has been broken. The spouse has become part of the chemical bond of that part of the brain, and it takes time for that bond to dissolve.”

This would also be true in the case of divorce when one partner doesn’t want the divorce and explains why it is such a traumatic experience for that person. It is not simply a loss, death and divorce from someone you love is literally losing part of yourself.

God Created Woman

Genesis means “beginnings” and I love the stories in Genesis, particularly the creation. In the beginning God took six periods of time and proceeded to create the earth and all that is on it. After each period of time he declares, “It is good.” But after he creates man, he says, “Is is not good.” The reason is because man alone is incomplete—he is not completed in the image of God which we are told in Genesis 1:27 is both “male and female.” In other words, a man alone cannot be a God but must be sealed to a woman to be like God.

So to complete man in the image of God, God figuratively takes a rib from the man and makes a woman. This is an interesting metaphor. We’ve all heard the comparison that God used a rib instead of a foot or a head because woman was to walk beside man and not be ruled over by man. But more interesting is the fact that in the Hebrew the word translated as rib also means side. The King James translators could just as accurately have translated the verse to read that God took one side of the man and made woman.

It is also interesting to understand the words translated as help meet which in Hebrew is ezer knegdo. Ezer, which appears 21 times in the Old Testament,means help and 16 of those times it refers to God. Throughout history people have used this verse to maintain that woman is to be man’s servant and subject to him. But God is not our servant nor is He subject to us. Servitude and subjection are not the meaning of the Hebrew word ezer. Instead it means the kind of help that alleviates a problem. Because of the Fall you and I have a problem, but Jesus Christ is our help in that He overcame the problems of the Fall. Likewise, the creation of the woman also solves the problem of man being incomplete and alone.

Knegdo was translated as meet, which means "necessary or suitable," but that is not a very good translation. The word knegdo is better translated as “exact counterpoint.” Just as my right hand is the exact counterpoint to my left hand, woman is the exact counterpoint to man. Sealed together they are completed in the image of God.

This metaphor of the creation of man and woman is powerful in what it teachers us about what the relationship of men and women, especially husbands and wives, should be as we journey through life. We are to be equal partners, walking together in the pursuit of Eternal Life.

(If you want to read more about this it can be found in my book Man, Woman, and Deity.)

Anniversary!!!

Today my husband and I are celebrating our 42nd wedding anniversary. How well I remember that day. He picked me up at 6:00 in the morning and we drove the three hours to the Manti Temple where we were married in the Blue Room. My parents, his mother, and a few other people attended. It was simple and yet oh so beautiful. Heaven was with us and has been ever since. And I don't mean that everything since then has been wonderful and glorious. We've argued, worried, cried, struggled, and hurt together, but heaven was our goal and so somehow we worked it all out.

But we've also dreamed, rejoiced, danced, celebrated, and prayed together. Then heaven was with us. It's been a lot of work, but it has been worth it. I've come to realize through it all that love isn't something you fall in or out of. Love is something you make happen.