Receiving and Giving

The other day I read something that surprised me. It said:

 "You can't be a good giver unless you are a good receiver."

I've thought a lot about this since I first read it and am more and more convinced of the profoundness of it. So many of us go through life thinking it is important to give to others, but being too proud to receive help from others. But the statement is correct. Knowing how to receive hleps us know how to give and the other way around. And if pride prevents us from receiving, it surely is going to taint our giving.

Think about it! If we won't let others give to us because we think it shows we are weak, or helpless, or inadequate, or that it would be a hardship on them to help, then when we turn around and try to give, even if we aren't consciously aware of it, someplace in our thoughts we consider the person we are trying to give to as weak, helpless, inadequate or that they are a hardship on us.

In addition to this, when we try to refuse a gift or act like we don't need it, we hurt the person trying to give the gift. I think we've all experienced this. We offer something and through action or words the receiver intimates, "I don't want that." or "I don't need that." And it stings! Or we give something and it is accepted, but the next day the person brings something bigger and better to us as if they need to repay us.

To live the gospel fully we need to open our hearts and be vulnerable, and one of the ways we do that is to let others help us. We need to be good givers, but we also need to be good receivers.

More About Vulnerabilty

Dr. Brené Brown

As you recall two days ago I wrote about the importance of being vulnerable. To add to this I’d like to tell you about a social worker who has spent years studying vulnerability. Her name is Brene Brown and her findings are very interesting. You can see one of hertalks here.

Brown claims that our fear of being vulnerable has made many of us go into a state of numbness in order to protect ourselves from fear and other negative emotions, but the process of numbing emotions is not selective. When we numb ourselves from the negative emotions we also numb ourselves from the positive emotions and that is one of the things that is very wrong with our world today.

At the end of this talk Dr. Brown explains some ways to help us escape the numbing and to live vulnerably. The first of these is to be grateful. I’ve talked a lot about gratitude on Good News! and you all know about the importance of being grateful. But her second idea struck me as just as powerful. She says we should “Honor the ordinary.” Doing that is something I’ve done all my life without realizing it, but now to see it as a way to open myself to life added a dimension to doing it that I hadn’t realized. When we take time to notice and appreciate the yellow of the daffodils or the sound of a bird or the delightful squeal of a toddler, we open ourselves up to the world and let joy in.

Honoring the ordinary is a way to connect with the world and with God, and in connecting with the world and God we connect with our deepest self in a very rewarding way.

On Being Vulnerable

There is a concept that is part of the gospel and an important part of Living in Truth that I’ve never heard a single talk or lesson about. That is the concept of being vulnerable. If you are like most people just reading the word sends shivers up your spine, and yet in order to progress and become like God we need to open ourselves up and be vulnerable. The word vulnerable means “open to attack or damage.” That’s what a missionary does. That’s what teaching a lesson or giving a talk or bearing a testimony entails. That’s what loving another person involves. Nothing in life that is worth having is obtainable without being vulnerable. A person who refuses to be vulnerable, refuses life.

The hermit who hides away from people and the world is afraid of being vulnerable. They may never suffer the pangs of being rejected, but they also never experience the joys of friendship and love. The person with great talent who is afraid to share that talent is afraid of being vulnerable. They may never be laughed at or make a mistake in public, but they will never have the satisfaction or joy that comes from sharing with other. The shy person who never speaks up may never be put down, but they will also never enjoy the bonding that occurs when people share ideas, dreams, and knowledge. Refusing to be vulnerable isolates us from others and shuts us off from growth.

But most important, repentance requires a person to be vulnerable. It requires us to risk as we seek forgiveness from others and to experience embarrassment and other such emotions we don’t want to confront. But if we refuse to be vulnerable and repent, we stop our eternal progress.

Instead of cringing at the concept of vulnerability, we need to learn more about it, embrace it, and open ourselves up to the possibilities that await us.

Being Vulnerable

I am a big fan of the ironies of life. I don’t always like them when they are happening to me, but even then they amaze me. One of the biggest ironies is that in order to fully enjoy life and relationships we need to open ourselves up and be vulnerable. Vulnerable means “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.” Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? And yet it has to be.


If we go through life drawing back, hovering, protecting, never fully committing because we are afraid of being hurt, we will never enjoy the richness of life or have relationships that bring lasting and deep satisfaction. And yes, sometimes that means we will be hurt. Disappointments will come. People will hurt us. And we will be tempted by thinking that if we’d never tried, or if we’d never opened ourselves up like that we would not have been hurt.

But the risk we take is worth it. Opening ourselves up to life and to others brings opportunities for a life full of growth, joy, increased substance, but most of all to deep and abiding love.

Recovery and Growth

As I’ve mentioned before, since my brain surgery last December, my body has changed. I used to be very good at multi-tasking. I could be making three dishes for dinner, talking on the phone, and following the news on television all at the same time. But since the surgery, I can only do one thing at a time. My reflexes are slower. My thought processes are different and I often find myself having to force my brain to do things that before I didn’t even think about.

Yesterday, for the first time since the surgery, I was asked to play the piano at a meeting to accompany congregational singing. When asked I didn’t think anything about it. I’ve done that thousands of times. So I went to the meeting and began playing the prelude. While playing a man came to ask me how I was doing. Before that would be no problem. I could talk and play at the same time, but yesterday I found myself playing all the wrong notes as I tried to listen to him and when I answered my hands stopped playing altogether. A few minutes later, I wondered if it was time for the meeting to start and glanced up to see the clock—something I’ve done hundreds of times with no problem. But this time when I looked back down I had absolutely no idea where I was. Fumbling I picked a spot and went on playing, but it was obviously the wrong spot and sounded atrocious!

The worst part, however, was the opening song. During the prelude there was some wriggle room. I could fudge a little on timing or do my own thing and it still sounded good. But now I had to follow the leader exactly. I was only two measures into the hymn when my stomach tied into a knot and my mind began to think, “I can’t do this! I can’t keep up. I can’t read all of these notes anymore.” I started to breathe heavy and my heart pounded. Then I realized I was dooming myself to failure. Quickly I changed how I was thinking. “I can do this. My brain has changed; I just need to discover how it works now. I made it through the prelude, and I can do this.”

At those thoughts, I could physically feel a change. My heart and breathing slowed. Panic left my head, and I could think clearer. I made some mistakes, more than I would have before, but I made it through without disrupting the meeting.

As I pondered on this after the singing, my first thought was, “I’m never going to accompany anyone again. I can’t do it anymore!” But even as I thought the thought I realized I couldn’t do that. If I give in to limitations, limitations will rule my life. As I endeavor to recover my full abilities, I will make more mistakes. People might criticize me or worse make fun of me. But if I am going to recover my abilities, I need to let mistakes happen and not worry about them. Letting worries about what other people think of my playing or any other thing I do will only hinder my growth.

This is something we all need to remember. Opening ourselves up and putting ourselves in a position where we are vulnerable is essential to growth.