Stop-Sign Strategy

I’m on the airplane flying home from Austin and am happy to report that there is a gray-haired man behind me who does not kick. :-) So nice!

But back to strategies. . . When you find yourself writing a negative story about a situation, you are generating unnecessary pain and driving the Spirit right out of your life. The strategies we are talking about are designed to stop the negative story writing so that we can replace them with positive stories.

Brigham Young once said, “When you are tempted, buffeted, and step out of the way inadvertently; when you are overtaken in a fault, or commit an overt act unthinkingly; when you are full of evil passion, and wish to yield to it, then stop and let the spirit, which God has put into your tabernacles, take the lead. If you do that, I will promise that you will overcome all evil, and obtain eternal lives. But many, very many, let the spirit yield to the body, and are overcome and destroyed” (Discourses of Brigham Young, selected and arranged by John A. Widtsoe, p.70).

President Young is talking here about sin, but the beginning of all sin is negative thoughts. So if we can stop the negative thoughts and change them to positive thoughts, our actions will always be positive. The key is to find the strategies that work for us and then learn to use them.

So the second strategy (the first was Anchoring) is that whenever you find yourself writing a negative story imagine this STOP sign in your head or make a picture of a an actual stop sign and put it in a place where it can remind you such as a mirror or in your purse--anyplace you can find it fast or see it often. Then use the mental or actual picture to help you stop and rewrite negative stories.

The Stories We Tell!

We’ll talk about more strategies to help us break the spell negative feelings can cast over us later. But before we do it is important to realize that all of us are storytellers. As human beings we have a driving desire to understand things and to attach meaning to the things that happen to us. Therefore, when we go through experiences of life we interpret them. We tell ourselves stories about the things that are happening to us. These stores can generate either positive or negative feelings within us. But the important thing to remember is that we are writing the stories. We are the one making them either positive or negative.

For example: You pass a friend in the store and greet them warmly. In return they nod at you and move on. At this point you begin your storytelling. You can think, “How rude. At least she could have responded with a greeting,” and continue on writing this story. Or you can think, “She must have something weighing on her mind. She wouldn’t normally have acted like that.” And continue on writing that story.

If you tell yourself the first story, you create unnecessary pain. If you tell yourself the second story you live in peace and love--pain free! It is a choice—not a circumstance. Think about it. You really cannot know what is going on in the other person’s life. To take offense at what happens doesn’t accomplish one positive thing. It only causes you pain.

For the next few days, watch what stories you tell yourself. It is a very interesting experience to listen to your own self talk and realize what you are doing. Let me know what you discover!

Anchoring Yourself

So how do we rid ourselves of unnecessary pain? Over the next few posts we’ll explore some of the things that help. The one I use the most is anchoring. I’ve talked about this before, but anchoring is accomplished by zeroing in on the present moment. Use all your senses to feel, smell, hear, see, and taste the present. Don’t let any stories of the past or worries about the future play in your head. Just Anchor yourself in the present moment. Stop and do it right now and see what happens.

I’ve done this with several groups I’ve spoken to and am amazed that every time I’ve done it the response to what they experienced while anchoring is always the same. In the present moment there is always peace, contentment, happiness, gratitude, love, and hope.

I’ve pondered on this a lot, and I think the reason these wonderful positive things are always there is because the Spirit of Truth always works in the present. In scripture, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are all called the Spirit of Truth and as we Anchor ourselves in the present we make ourselves available to them. The present is where they can be found and where they can nurture and love us. When we are living our lives by stressing over the past or fretting about the future, we miss the positive gifts they are trying to give us.

So Anchor yourself whenever you feel the anger coming on and see what happens!

Unnecessary Pain

Today, as I promised, we’re discussing unnecessary pain. The reason it is called unnecessary pain is because it is UNNECESSARY. When you catch on to this it is absolutely amazing to realize how much pain you’ve clung to in your life that you didn’t need to suffer! There are four causes of unnecessary pain.
1. Unnecessary pain is caused by our own misuse of agency. Our own hearts will tell us what we should do concerning right and wrong, and if we go against what our heart tells us our conscience is pricked and we will suffer guilt and usually much greater pain. As much as some people try, they cannot go against their own hearts and feel good.
2. Whenever we fight against the truth of a telestial world we experience unnecessary pain or, as we talked about recently, we experience anger. To review: Anger is an emotion that occurs when something or someone violates our expectation of what should be. Anytime we find ourselves thinking things like: “This shouldn’t be happening to me. I shouldn=t have fallen and broken my arm. He shouldn’t have done that. Why is God doing this or allowing this?” We are creating unnecessary pain.
3. Whenever we try to avoid the necessary pain of spiritual growth we will experience unnecessary pain. There is a great irony here. We are in pain either way, but the unnecessary pain accomplishes nothing.
4. Unnecessary pain is caused by denying Christ. How do we do that? By feeling like we have to do it all ourselves. By feeling like we can never be forgiven no matter how sincerely we have repented. By comparing ourselves to others and trying to be like them instead of discovering what God want us to do and be. By thinking we’ll never be good enough.
Choosing any of these is the path of fear—the opposite of faith. But the most important thing to realize is that there is no blessing attached to enduring unnecessary pain. It is totally UNNECESSARY. All we need to do to escape it is to drop the thoughts that are causing the pain.

Necessary Pain

Fighting against truth or as I call it, living in anger, always causes us pain. We talk a lot about pain and adversity in the Church and how to cope with it and how to help others through it. But we don’t often stop to realize that there are two kinds of pain in life: necessary pain and unnecessary pain. Tomorrow we’ll talk about unnecessary pain, but today let’s discuss necessary pain.

Necessary pain is caused by three things.
(1) Natural events that occur in a telestial world. In a telestial world there is disease, accidents, and all kinds of natural disasters and conditions that can cause pain. If you fall and break your leg there will be pain, and once it has happened there is nothing you can do about it (it is necessary) except endure the pain well.
(2) Spiritual growth always entails necessary pain. The very process of spiritual growth is called in the scriptures being born again. Birth entails pain. Repentance entails a certain amount of pain. In addition, as we grow spiritually, the Spirit often pushes us right out of our comfort zone and into situations that are uncomfortable and stressful. But all of this pain helps us to grow closer to our Father in Heaven.
(3) Often when others misuse their agency it causes us pain. We sorrow over loved ones who have strayed. Some people are hurt when a drunk driver hits them or some are hurt by attackers. In time of war, innocent people always suffer.

Staying close to the gospel and our Savior helps us through the necessary pain of life. Enduring necessary pain is the path of faith. The most important thing to note about necessary pain is that whenever we endure necessary pain there is always a blessing attached. The Lord will always compensate us for enduring necessary pain well.

Living In Truth (continued)

As we talked about last post, “truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” That, of course, includes the principles and doctrines of the gospel, but it also means that the verities of this telestial world such as disease, disappointment, fear, pain, and terrorism are truth. For some reason, these negative things are necessary in a telestial world (See 2 Nephi 2:11), and learning to deal with them is essential to our Exaltation.

As I write this I am being tested. I am on an airplane traveling from Salt Lake City to Austin. It is a long flight especially when a child in the seat directly behind you is constantly (not once in awhile, but constantly!) kicking you in the back. Now this is a telestial situation. (I am assuming that in the celestial world there will be no kicking children!) My responsibility right now (if I want to become like my Father in Heaven) is to deal with this telestial truth in a celestial way. That rules out turning around and yelling at the child. Instead I must accept the truth of the situation and find a way to politely and lovingly deal with it. In other words, I must deal with a telestial situation in a celestial way. That is part of the test of life.

However, if I sit here and keep thinking thoughts such as, “She shouldn’t be kicking me.” “Why didn’t her mother teach her manners?” “The airlines should do something about this!” etc. I am not solving the problem; I am only fighting against truth. Anytime we find ourselves thinking about other people’s behavior or a situation in terms of “should have” or “shouldn’t have,” we are fighting truth and are in a state of anger. The word anger originally meant “troubled or vexed.” Later it took on the connotations of rage that it now includes. But even today the word anger includes a wide range of feelings that trouble us. These feelings range from mild irritation to fury, but they all are troubling and vexing. Thus I am using this word anger to mean “an emotion that occurs when something violates our expectation of what should be.” Whenever we fight against truth, we cause ourselves pain and live in a state of anger.

Living In Truth

I’m working on a new book called “Living in Truth” and speaking on this topic quite a bit lately. I have especially enjoyed the comments from those who have been in the classes and thought I’d share some of the things I’ve learned about truth here on the blog and get your comments, also.

To start with, if we want to live in truth we need to understand what truth is. John 8:32 tells us that “the truth shall make you free.” When I heard that verse I used to think that the gospel was the truth that would make us free. That certainly is true, but there is more to truth than the doctrines and principles of the gospel. In D&C 93:24 we are given a definition of truth: “Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” The gospel certainly fits this definition, but there is more. Think about it for a minute. “Things as they are and were” includes some very negative things in this telestial world.

In a telestial world “things as they are” includes thorns, thistles, weeds, war, disease, robbery, accidents and all kinds of disasters and adversity. According to the definition, they are truth—in a telestial world. They won’t be truth in a celestial world, but for now they are truth. So what do these negative telestial truths have to do with the Lord’s promise that “the truth shall make us free”? Surprisingly they have as much to do with the fact that “man is that he might have joy” as the wonderful celestial principles of the gospel.

For the next while I’ll be explaining these things here on “Good News!” I’ll present one short concept a day and let you ponder on it and leave your comments about what you learn and experience. Don’t be shy! I’d love your ideas, questions, and experiences.