Surprise Finding!

I had enough energy to clean today! I never in my life thought I’d be rejoicing about cleaning, but it felt so good to be able to do something productive. The past few days I had one thing to do each day and in order to do it, I had to rest all day long. After that I came home and collapsed. But today I made it through the day and even accomplished some things.

It was a good lesson for me. Some of the things I think of as drudgery are actually a blessing. I hope I remember this when I have all my energy back. I didn’t do anything heavy, but I enjoyed dusting and sorting and wiping and making everything look better. Wow! I still can’t believe I’m saying that!

Blessings Are On Their Way!

In Alma 41:2 there is a phrase that keeps me going through dark days. In that verse Alma says, “It is requisite that all things should be restored to their proper order.” The word requisite means necessary or essential and comes from the same Latin root as the word require. This means that according to the Plan of Salvation, it is necessary and essential that all things be restored to their proper order. So what is that proper order?

Throughout the scriptures we are told that God intends for us to be happy. He wants us to have joy. He wants us to have peace, love, comfort, and all that is good. Therefore, the “proper order” is the order in which all good prevails.

This means that whenever we are suffering for any reason, sickness, abuse or persecution from other people, financial difficulties, stress, or whatever our adversity, we can be assured that if we endure it well, at some point we are going to be restored to good. All we need is to do our best to endure the trial and the Lord will do the rest. He is required to do so! He will compensate us.

So instead of fretting over trials, we can experience them as times of wonder like a child waiting for Christmas. The wait is difficult, long and hard, but it is tempered by the excitement that something wonderful is on its way.

Have a Good Laugh on Me!

Anyone need a good laugh to cheer up their day? Well, I'm here to give it to you. I have a couple more pictures to share with you of the treatments. The first day we took pictures I forgot to take a picture of the after effect of my cage. Enjoy and keep chuckling all day. Laughter is incredible medicine for the spirit!

Me in the cage.


Me out of the cage.

This is what I looked like for about two hours after each radiation session. No wonder everyone stared at me! I look like I'm made of fish scales.

God's Mysterious Ways

I wish I had the words to express all I am learning from Grizelda. But I am afraid that much of what I learn comes to me without words, and I can’t always adequately express what it is I know. But one thing that stands out in this experience is what I am learning about spiritual growth.

Confronting Grizelda has been a journey through dark, troubling places. But there are patterns in nature that teach us about the value of dark, troubling places. A caterpillar makes its own dark, tight place in which it endures for awhile and then miraculously comes out a butterfly. Imagine going from crawling laboriously along the ground to suddenly being able to fly! A flower struggles for weeks or months in the dark, deep soil before finally pushing up out of the ground to blossom and bask in the sunlight. A baby gestates for nine long months in the dark, depths of a mother’s womb—crowded, tight, waiting for the painful escape.

Likewise, enduring the worry, the stress, the pain, the unknown is a kind of dark, troubling experience that I know is changing me. Just as I can feel exercise make my body stronger, while traveling this journey I feel my spirit growing stronger. I am leaving behind old habits and old ways of negative thinking that limit and restrict me. I know I am being transformed and though I have a long, long way to go still, I am exhilarated by the knowledge that the Lord loves me enough to change me into something better. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m bragging. That is not the intent. I'm far from what I eventually want to be. Instead I am trying to share my joy at what I am discovering about how the Lord works.

I am beginning to understand what the poet William Cowper meant when he wrote, “God moves in a mysterious way, his wonders to perform.”

I'm Radiated!

Today was the last of the radiation treatments! Now we just wait (months!) to see if Grizelda is gone. It has been an interesting experience, and I appreciate so much all of your prayers and love and concern. It means a lot to me.

My hair is growing back. I won't lose any more hair. I get to keep my cage as a reminder of this experience. Things should only get better from here on out! What more could I want!

Thank you everyone!

Happy Mother's Day to ALL!

My mother, daughters, sisters and friends--some of the wonderful women in my life.
Unlike so many women I know, I love Mother's Day. I get to celebrate the fact that my wonderful, adorable mother put up with me for so many years! And that she still loves me even though I gave her grief! I get to rejoice in the fact that God shared ten of His children with me. Sure I messed up many times, but He sent His Son to make up for my failings and they will be compensated. But most of all, I get to smile when I hear all those stories in Church about other people's perfect mothers because I know that when I'm dead and gone my children will tell stories about how I was perfect, too.

I do know that many woman who aren't mothers and wish they were hurt. I can understand why they hurt on Mother’s Day. I can also understand how those whose children don’t love them back or who have strayed from righteousness hurt on Mother’s Day. But as we have talked about here in this blog, everyone hurts over something and this kind of pain is unnecessary pain. It is a choice!

On Mother's Day instead of hurting, there can still be rejoicing for your own mothers or for the concept of motherhood in general. You can use the Truth Tools to make Mother’s Day a day to rejoice in instead of making yourself hurt. For all who are tempted to choose hurt, you can Anchor yourself and feel the joy that surrounds you. You can Yield to the Spirit and let Him bring you peace. You can Rewrite your story. You can concentrate on the Atonement and the healing power it has for you and for your children. Through the Atonement you can be made the perfect mother! All mistakes can be eliminated because of Jesus Christ. What better thing to rejoice about?

For those who hurt because they aren’t mothers, pretend that for every rejoicing thought that you have on Mother’s Day, it means there is one more child you get to have for all the eternities. Use your imagination! Feel the arms of your adorable children around your neck. Whisper in their ear how much you love them. It really isn’t pretending. The promise from God is that every righteous woman will someday be a mother. So project yourself into the future and enjoy now instead of hurting. Wonder about them. Will they have dark hair or light? Blue eyes or brown? Use a little humor, after all the celestial diapering system has got to be better than the one we have here. Soak yourself in the delight of what will be instead of what isn’t yet! We are told that with God the past, present, and future are all one. With a little imagination, they can be one for you also.

In short, Mother’s Day can be a day of rejoicing for all women! Imagine the positive energy we could send out into the world if all of us choose to rejoice instead of regret.

So my prayer for all of you is that today you will rejoice and enjoy! Make it a Happy Mother's Day!

$131.79 For My Book--No Way!

I've had an unexpected surprise this Mother's Day. I've had people calling to find out if I still have copies of my book "Spiritually Centered Motherhood." I was a little shocked that people still wanted it, but I do have copies and was happy to oblige them. Their interest made me curious, and so I went to Amazon.com to see how many of my books are there and found that one of my other books, "Man, Woman, and Deity" (a book about marriage and the priesthood relationship between men and women) is being sold for $131.79! I can't explain that! That's a weeks worth of groceries!

But because of these two things, I realized that I ought to let you all know that I do have copies of both these books if anyone wants them. I don't want anyone paying $131.79 for my book!

Since the books have gone out of print, the publisher Bookcraft (now Deseret Book) gave me permission to print soft cover copies myself. They are $12.00 each plus $3.00 shipping, and if you are interested in buying one or both just email me. My email address is smillsjo (@) gmail.com.