Celebrating Growth

Today was one of those celebration days. First thing this morning I discovered that I had posted the midterm exam instead of the study guide for my students. That means every student had the test! Many years ago that happened and it sent me so deep into the Pit of Illusion that it took weeks to climb out. Stress! Frustration! Vexation plagued me.

Writing an exam takes hours and usually those hours are spread over several days so you can review the questions and make sure the multiple choice detractors are close enough to the real answer that they aren't ridiculous and yet not so close that they could be construed as correct. It is a pains taking process--one of the few things I dislike about teaching and now I had only hours to write a new midterm if the testing center would even let me submit a new test this late.

Usually our tests have to be submitted days before the test, so when I found out what I had done I called the center and they very nicely acknowledged this as an emergency and said that if I could get a new test to them by the afternoon they would make sure it was ready for tomorrow. So I hurried to my office and spent four grueling hours writing a new exam.

The celebration? I managed to get through the entire morning and the four hours of writing without sinking into the Pit! Truth Tools work. Humor was a helpful Tool today and was especially beneficial when I finally turned in the exam and the woman at the testing center laughed when I explained what had happened and said, "That is so funny!" Instead of hitting her, I laughed with her!

So I am celebrating the growth that has come this last five years and the difference it has made in my life to Live in Truth. While I would rather have learned about that growth in another way, the Truth is I didn't and so I'm going to enjoy the fact that something very positive came out of my BIG mistake today.

Growth and Adversity

I've thought a lot about Post-Traumatic Growth that I wrote about yesterday since I learned about it. During and after my experience with Grizelda and the brain surgery I experienced it. It is very interesting how the very worst of life experiences can still be very encouraging and uplifting if we have the right mind-set.

A very good friend of mine was blind and she used to say to me, I hate being blind, but I wouldn't go back to seeing if it meant I had to give up all I've learned from being blind."

That's how I feel about Grizelda. It would be nice to not have a huge scar in my scalp and a "divot" in the temple on my forehead. It would have been nice not to have to miss a semester of teaching. It would ahve been very nice to have escaped the pain and worry. But I learned so much about life and especially about myself through that experience that I wouldn't go back and change anything.

The trick in life is to remember that and to keep our spirits up and to remain encouraged at the beginning of those trying experiences instead of only when we look back on them.

Letting Go

When a seed is planted in the ground it can stay dormant and remain a seed that never grows or produces anything. Or it can take in the nutrients around it, split open, send out roots and stem and grow into a flower or vegetable or fruit. The important thing here is that in order to become something better, the seed has to give up being a seed.

Like the seed, we need to give up what we are in order to become something better. People who cling to the old ways, their old habits, their old likes and dislikes, and remain forever in the boundaries of their comfort zone never grow into something better.

So, let go. Let go of the past. Let go of the old you, and let God do His work in you. Let the old you die and the new you come forth bearing wonderful fruit!

Rejoice in the Process

There are a lot of lessons to learn from the creation account we find in Genesis. But one of the most important to me is how God teaches us the concept of process. Life is meant to be a process-not an incident.

In the beginning God organized the world by doing one thing at a time. When He was finished separating the water from the land, He didn’t sit down and cry about how He didn’t have plants or animals or a finished world yet. He stepped back, enjoyed the work of the day, and said, “It is good.” He rejoiced in what He had accomplished.

There is a lot we have to learn from this. Instead of going to bed each night frustrated over what didn’t get accomplished or upset at ourselves for things we said or did wrong, or feeling like there is still so much growth we need to make that we will never be the person we want to be, we need to make it a practice to each night look at what went right that day, what we accomplished, what we learned and rejoice in the growth. Often the very days when we did or said things wrong are our best learning days. Instead of fretting over what went wrong, we should concentrate on the lessons and rejoice in them.

Like God, we need to see the progress in each day, then step back and rejoice because, “It is good."

Recovery and Growth

As I’ve mentioned before, since my brain surgery last December, my body has changed. I used to be very good at multi-tasking. I could be making three dishes for dinner, talking on the phone, and following the news on television all at the same time. But since the surgery, I can only do one thing at a time. My reflexes are slower. My thought processes are different and I often find myself having to force my brain to do things that before I didn’t even think about.

Yesterday, for the first time since the surgery, I was asked to play the piano at a meeting to accompany congregational singing. When asked I didn’t think anything about it. I’ve done that thousands of times. So I went to the meeting and began playing the prelude. While playing a man came to ask me how I was doing. Before that would be no problem. I could talk and play at the same time, but yesterday I found myself playing all the wrong notes as I tried to listen to him and when I answered my hands stopped playing altogether. A few minutes later, I wondered if it was time for the meeting to start and glanced up to see the clock—something I’ve done hundreds of times with no problem. But this time when I looked back down I had absolutely no idea where I was. Fumbling I picked a spot and went on playing, but it was obviously the wrong spot and sounded atrocious!

The worst part, however, was the opening song. During the prelude there was some wriggle room. I could fudge a little on timing or do my own thing and it still sounded good. But now I had to follow the leader exactly. I was only two measures into the hymn when my stomach tied into a knot and my mind began to think, “I can’t do this! I can’t keep up. I can’t read all of these notes anymore.” I started to breathe heavy and my heart pounded. Then I realized I was dooming myself to failure. Quickly I changed how I was thinking. “I can do this. My brain has changed; I just need to discover how it works now. I made it through the prelude, and I can do this.”

At those thoughts, I could physically feel a change. My heart and breathing slowed. Panic left my head, and I could think clearer. I made some mistakes, more than I would have before, but I made it through without disrupting the meeting.

As I pondered on this after the singing, my first thought was, “I’m never going to accompany anyone again. I can’t do it anymore!” But even as I thought the thought I realized I couldn’t do that. If I give in to limitations, limitations will rule my life. As I endeavor to recover my full abilities, I will make more mistakes. People might criticize me or worse make fun of me. But if I am going to recover my abilities, I need to let mistakes happen and not worry about them. Letting worries about what other people think of my playing or any other thing I do will only hinder my growth.

This is something we all need to remember. Opening ourselves up and putting ourselves in a position where we are vulnerable is essential to growth.