A Little More Affirmation

It is obvious how the Truth Tools help us drop the Unnecessary Pain in our lives. The Tools change how we think, and thus we let go of the thought that is causing us Pain and move on. But the Truth Tools are also very effective for helping us deal with Necessary Pain.

For example, yesterday we talked about the Truth Tool Affirmation and how it helps us both avoid and rid ourselves of Unnecessary Pain. But Affirmation also strengthens and encourages us so that we can pass through the Necessary Pain of life valiantly.

When dealing with Necessary Pain the power comes not from Affirming your own strength, but from Affirming the strength of God. Paul said it best, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). Other Affirmations that help us endure the Necessary Pain of life are: "I have a Savior who strengthens me," "Yoked with the Savior I can endure anything." Again, just saying these words with conviction strengthens and empowers.

There are many ways to word Affirmations, but the important thing is to acknowledge that there is a strength beyond our own supporting and helping us. That is the most powerful Affirmation there is.

Unnecessary Pain

I had a neighbor once who left the Church because her father, who was in his 70's, died. She said to me one day, "How can I believe in a God who would take a father away from a daughter who needs him?" But more than just leaving her faith, this woman suffered measurably because of the death of her father. She was distraught. She suffered depression. She became bitter which estranged her from friends and others close to her. It was a terrible thing to watch happen especially when I could see how simple it would be for her to be out of the pain she was causing herself. She was suffering Unnecessary Pain.

Unnecessary Pain is self-inflicted and comes from four sources:
1.Misuse of agency.
        Our own hearts will tell us what we should do concerning right and wrong, and if we go against what our heart tells us our conscience is pricked and we will suffer guilt and usually much greater pain. As much as some people try, none of us can go against our own conscience is telling us to do and feel good.
2. Fighting against the truth of a telestial world.
        Whenever we fight against the reality or verity of a telestial world we experience Unnecessary Pain. This is what my neighbor experienced. Death is a part of a telestial world. Everyone will eventually experience it. Whether it comes early or late there is nothing we can do about it and so when we get angry or depressed or vexed in any way about it we only cause ourselves pain.  Anytime we find ourselves thinking things like: “This shouldn’t be happening to me. I shouldn't have fallen and broken my arm. He shouldn’t have done that to me. She should have said that to me. Why is God doing this or allowing this?” We are creating Unnecessary Pain.
3. Trying to avoid Necessary Pain.
         Whenever we try to avoid the Necessary Pain we will experience Unnecessary Pain. Learning to walk (or learning anything!) required a certain amount of Necessary Pain. But if we refuse to learn and continue to crawl around on all fours we are only going to create pain, but it is Unnecessary Pain because it could be avoided by simply passing through the Necessary Pain of learning. Spiritual growth, physical growth, intellectual growth all require a certain  amount of pain, but if we try to avoid it we cause ourselves more pain and this pain is unnecessary. There is a great irony here. We are in pain either way, but the Unnecessary Pain accomplishes nothing.
4. Denying Christ.
         How do we do that? By feeling like we have to do it all ourselves. By feeling like we can never be forgiven no matter how sincerely we have repented. By comparing ourselves to others and trying to be like them instead of discovering what God wants us to do and be. By thinking we’ll never be good enough. In short, by not trusting that Jesus Christ will do what He has said He will do for us. He has promised to recompense us for every and any injustice we have ever experienced and to pay the price for all our sins and mistakes. What more could we ask for?

All we have to do to get rid of Unnecessary Pain 

is to let go of it. 

It is that easy!

Necessary Pain

I made it through the day yesterday without cutting open any more fingers, but Mr. J is suffering from a cold. In the 45 years we have been married this is only about the fifth cold he has ever had so he isn't used to this sickness thing. But I'm proud of him, he is handling it like a man. I hope you suffered no pain yesterday, but if you did I hope you also endured it well because there are blessings that come from enduring Necessary Pain well.

Necessary Pain is caused by:
(1) Natural events that occur in a telestial world.
          In a telestial world there is disease, accidents, and all kinds of natural disasters and  conditions that cause pain. If you fall and break your leg there will be pain, and once it has happened there is nothing you can do about it  except endure the pain well.
(2) Spiritual growth always entails necessary pain.
          The process of spiritual growth is called in the scriptures being "born again." Birth entails pain.  In addition, as we grow spiritually, the Spirit often pushes us right out of our comfort zone and into situations that are uncomfortable and stressful. But all of this pain helps us to grow closer to our Father in Heaven.
(3) Often when others misuse their agency it causes us pain.
          We sorrow over loved ones who have strayed. Some people are hurt when a drunk driver hits them or some are hurt by attackers. In time of war, innocent people always suffer, but once the pain is inflicted there is nothing we can do but pass through it.
(4) Repentance requires pain.
          There is a certain amount of sorrow for our sins and heartfelt anguish that the scriptures describe as having a "broken heart and contrite spirit" that must be endured if we are going to repent.

Hundreds of books have been written on why God let's us suffer pain, but they almost all boil down to two thoughts; pain can bring us closer to God, and it makes us grow stronger. But the most important thing to understand is that Jesus Christ has promised to help us through any and all Necessary Pain that we encounter in life. We never go through Necessary Pain alone unless we turn our back on God, and usually it is in those times of pain that we feel God's presence most powerfully in our lives.

Pain!

Yesterday, while cleaning up after dinner, I grabbed the blade to my food processor to wash it and sliced my index finger open. It bled profusely and caused me pain. As a matter of fact with every key I type it throbs again.

I'm not alone in this. Pain is something every one of you can relate to because we've all experienced pain, sometimes small pains like a sliced finger and other times large pains like giving birth to a child or passing kidney stones. While we would all like to live pain free and in constant pleasure, because we live in a telestial world that is not going to happen. We are going to experience pain and there isn't much we can do about it. As Lehi explained to his son Jacob, "It must needs be that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11), and part of that opposition is pain.

But what most of us don't realize is that there are two kinds of pain, Necessary Pain because once we have cut our finger or broken our bone there is no alternative than to bear the pain until we heal, and  Unnecessary Pain which is completely avoidable. For the next few days we'll discuss Necessary Pain and give you more insights about Unnecessary Pain and how to avoid it. 

For now, as you go about your day and experience physical, emotional, or psychological pain--any kind of pain--stop and ask yourself if what you are experiencing is Necessary Pain or Unnecessary Pain. Tomorrow we'll see if you were able to identify the difference.

In the mean time, I really hope you have a pain free day!

Oh, The Mistakes I've Made!

I have made and continue to make a lot of mistakes in my life. The older I grow the more it seems that the things I have done wrong in my life come back to haunt me. The other day while working in the kitchen the thought suddenly came into my head of a time when I was in high school when I snubbed a girl. At this point I can't even remember why, but it probably had something to do with fearing my own reputation. As the experience came back to me, it hurt. I wished with all my heart I hadn't avoided the girl who needed a friend; and now--fifty years later--there isn't a thing I can do about it. But there is Someone who can make it up to the girl and heal me.

Living in Truth has taught me that this kind of sorrow is not a negative experience, even if it is painful. Instead it is a healing process and an important one to pass through if we are going to grow closer to our Father in Heaven.

Coming to the point where we realize that we NEED a Savior to make amends for all our mistakes is essential. The important thing is that we pass through the sorrow without becoming depressed and dismayed. The adversary will try to divert us into a path of self-pity with thoughts such as, "I am so terrible! I am never going to make it. I've done so many horrible things. I am awful." You can recognize this kind of misguided thinking because of the preponderance of "I's" in the statements. It is unnecessary pain and is actually selfish thinking.

But sorrow that is part of Living in Truth and spiritual progression is all about the others we have hurt. We sorrow for them, not for ourselves, and wish we had never hurt them. This kind of sorrow is necessary pain that leads us to Christ. It happens when we remember that one of the most beautiful aspects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is that we have the privilege of learning from our mistakes without being condemned by them.

Storms

It is difficult to relate to the stories of storms in the east when here the sun is shining in a clear blue  sky that holds only a hint of autumn and no trace of winter. I wish everyone was experiencing what I am, but they aren't and my heart breaks for the news I keep hearing. It would be so easy to let that kind of news get us down and sink us into the Pit of Illusion. Situations like this often do. They cause some people to wonder, "If there is a God, why does He let things like this happen?"

It is a good question, but it has a good answer. God has the power to heal and recompense and restore. So even though we are in a telestial world and must pass through the adversity and necessary pain of a mortal world, He knows he can make it up to us. He knows He can make it all better. He knows everything will eventually be all right. He knows.

But for Him to make it all right, we must turn to Him and let Him take care of us. That is why He begs us to come to Him. He loves us and like any loving parent He wants us to be better. But we must go to Him or He can't make us better.

Necessary Pain

When we are Living in Truth we jettison all Unnecessary Pain, but we can still expect to encounter Necessary Pain. Necessary Pain will always be part of a mortal world. But unlike Unnecessary Pain, when we encounter Necessary Pain and endure it well there are actually benefits and blessings that come to us. Research has shown that strong emotional events such as a death of a close friend or family member, a child who does something wrong, or even life events that also have a positive side to them such as sending a child away to serve a mission while painful can lead to deeper self-awareness and to spiritual and physical well-being if we endure them well.

None of us go through life without stress, loss, or sadness. Those are Necessary Pains in life. But if we turn to the Savior in prayer and scripture study, patiently wait to be healed, and accept what’s happened, we learn more about ourselves and about life.

We all know that when we’re experiencing Necessary Pain, it feels like it will never end. But the Savior uses time to help us heal so that we again begin to feel the happiness in life. When we experience this it becomes for us the greatest miracle the Savior has ever performed.

A Little (Very LIttle!) Necessary Pain

What a strange week this has been. After falling down the stairs I was first told my foot was broken and then the next day told it wasn't, then yesterday I was told it is broken--a break on the tibia crown. I guess this confusion all means that it is such a small break it is difficult to detect. That is good.

The most important thing is that it isn't hurting much so that's all that matters. I don't like necessary pain and once again I'm being helped through it!

Numbing Doesn't Work

One of the strange things we humans do when we are living in the Pit of Illusion is find ways to numb ourselves against the pain of life. As we’ve talked about before, the Pit of Illusion is filled with Unnecessary Pain—pain that hurts. But rather than get out of the Pit and rid ourselves from the pain, when wallowing in the Pit we turn to things that will divert us and help us not think about the pain. Some of us seek escape through pleasures such as shopping, or Internet surfing, or watching television, or keeping so busy we can’t think, or any number of things that we hope will provide an escape and keep us from feeling the pain.


While diversions such as these do keep us from feeling the pain for awhile, as soon as the diversion stops the pain comes back in full force. Numbing ourselves through diversions is never a solution. But there is a greater problem that comes when we try to numb ourselves instead of getting rid of the cause of the pain. When we numb ourselves to pain, we also numb ourselves to joy. When we numb darkness we also numb light.

The best solution, then, is to get out of the Pit of Illusion which places us in the realm of Truth. When Living in Truth we rid ourselves of Unnecessary Pain. It also means that we walk confidently through the Necessary Pain of life without numbing ourselves knowing that our Savior will help us every step of the way and that despite the pain, we will feel the joy.

Life is meant to be a time of joy, but if we numb ourselves we won’t experience what is intended for us—the joy.

Service Is A Pain Killer

One of the best Truth Tools of the gospel that is important in helping us jettison unnecessary pain in our lives is service. It can also help us through the necessary pain. Many years ago an article appeared in the Church News about a woman in a nursing home who was suffering from cancer. Her story illustrates how service even helped her deal wit necessary pain. The woman, in her 80s, lived in constant debilitating pain despite the medication she was on. A ward Relief Society leader brought her two dolls to fix up so they could be given to needy children for Christmas. When the Relief Society leader returned the dolls were ready and, in addition, the woman had made 11 baby quilts to be given to the poor. Subsequently seven more dolls were taken to the woman who made beautiful bonnets, dresses and coats for six of them before she died.

After her death her family found her diary and read the following entry, “3 a.m., couldn’t sleep, the pain was intense. Decided to work on the dolls, and the pain went away.” The following pages were filled with the same report, “Decided to work on the dolls and the pain went away.” (Church News, April 21, 1985, p. 16.)

As King Benjamin so aptly put it, “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17). And when you are serving God and your fellowman, you forget about yourself--even the pain you are in--and open yourself up to the gifts and joys He is trying to give you.

Nephi Avoids the Pit

It’s interesting to examine the lives of the people in the scriptures from the view point of Living in Truth. Nephi especially illustrates the value of Living in Truth. In 1 Nephi 7:16 Laman and Lemuel are so mad at Nephi they tie him up. Nephi prays and the bands are loosed from his hands and his feet.

Later the brothers again tie Nephi up while they are on the ship traveling to the Promised Land. This time, however, the Lord does not intervene on Nephi’s behalf. He has to endure being tied up while the ship is being tossed and tumbled in a terrible storm at sea. If anyone had an opportunity to fall into the pit thinking of what should be, Nephi did at that point. He could have been thinking that God should have broken the cords like he did before. Or that his brothers shouldn’t be so abusive. Or that the storm shouldn’t be happening to him. But instead he says, “I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions” (1 Nephi 18:16).

Finally the brothers become so frightened because of the storm, they untie Nephi. Most people at that point would come out fighting, seeking revenge, but Nephi has no ill will in his heart. How do we know? Because he takes the compass into his hands, the Liahona that we are told only works by faith and righteousness, and it works. Nephi prays and the winds cease so there is great calm. I love that last phrase because even though Nephi is talking about the sea, he is describing himself. In the midst of this abuse he experiences great calm.

Nephi Lived in Truth and although he experienced a great deal of Necessary Pain, he knows how to avoid the Unnecessary Pain.

Spiritual Poison

We all know the consequences of taking poison into the mortal body. Poisons destroy and kill the body and so we avoid them. Cleaning agents that could poison are put up high so children can’t reach them. Those who know what they are avoid them. People bring law suits against restaurants that accidentally let food poisoning occur. In other words, we take all kinds of preventative measures against poisons and if the preventative measures don’t work we seek legal redress. 

But there are other poisons that are just as deadly. These poisons don’t kill the body; they kill the spirit. Obviously things like pornography and violence are spirit poison, but what we too often fail to realize is that any negative emotion is poison to the spirit. Envy, lust, greed, anger, jealousy, self-pity, despair, and gloom are just a few of the negative emotions that kill the spirit. We should be as vigilant about identifying and  protecting ourselves against these as we are about physical poisons.

Awhile back I spoke to a group about Necessary and Unnecessary Pain. Afterward a woman who was undergoing extensive medical treatments for life threatening health problems came up to speak to me. She talked about what she was doing to help herself Live in Truth while enduring the pain and I was impressed, but then she began to explain that what really bothered her was the attitude of the young technicians that worked in the clinic she attended. “They don’t take their job seriously,” she said. “They talk about all these other things without any regard to the suffering of their patients. They should be more considerate. They shouldn’t be so flippant.” As she spoke her countenance changed, vexation darkened her face, and anger animated her gestures. 

It surprised me. She was facing the challenge of physical demise well. But at the same time she was letting very minor things like other people’s attitudes and actions poison her soul. I learned a great lesson from her. Sometimes we handle the big situations (the Necessary Pain) very well without even realizing that we are poisoning our spirits with other negative emotions (and causing Unnecessary Pain).

Sorrow--Necessary or Unnecessary Pain?

The most important reason to avoid Unnecessary Pain and to stay out of the Pit of Illusion is that when we are in the Pit we have removed ourselves from the Spirit. The Spirit resides in Truth. Therefore, when we leave the Realm of Truth and fall into the Pit of Illusion we make it very difficult to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Our negative mental chatter also makes it almost impossible to hear the still, small voice that will guide us back to Truth.

Mormon realized this when he was abridging the Book of Mormon. When recounting the story of Alma admonishing his people who had strayed from the Truth, he tells us that Alma “began to be very sorrowful; nevertheless the spirit of the Lord did not fail him”(Alma 4:15). The word nevertheless means “in spite of that.” And what we learn here is that Alma is experiencing negative emotions, but in spite of that the Spirit is with him.

The reason for this is that there are a few emotions that can be Necessary Pain or Unnecessary Pain and sorrow is one of them. The difference comes in what motivates the sorrow. Sorrow means “deep distress, sadness, or regret especially for the loss of someone or something loved.” But we often call any sadness sorrow.  Among other things, we experience the Necessary Pain of sorrow when a loved one dies or as in Alma’s case when we see those around us doing things we know are going to cause them eternal suffering. We experience the Unnecessary Pain of sorrow when we are sorry for ourselves in a self-pitying way or when the sorrow comes from thinking things should be different than what they are.

The Spirit will always help us through the Necessary sorrow of life, but we are on our own when we take on Unnecessary sorrow. Therefore, we should pay attention to our own emotions and learn to identify whether we are feeling Necessary or Unnecessary Pain. Then we trust in the Lord to help us through the Necessary sorrow, and learn to drop the Unnecessary sorrow. That way we Live in Truth and the joy that accompanies it.

A Little Necessary Pain

Be glad you can’t see me right now. I’m looking very ugly. For the past week I’ve been putting a cream on my face which turns bright red wherever there are cancerous places on my skin. The red spots are along the sides of my nose, on my lower lip and cover all of my chin. The red spots have now blistered making scabs appear and every time I smile or talk or try to eat the scabs crack. It hurts!

But this is necessary pain and I have to keep thinking about what a miracle modern medicine is. My great-grandmother died from skin cancer and all this pain and ugliness is healing me, helping me escape dire consequences in the future.

This is necessary pain. It is healing me. This is good. This is necessary pain. It is healing me. This is good. (I’m trying to keep the mental chatter positive!)

But besides mental chatter, I’ve been thinking about how the repentance process is like this. Sometimes we have to go through some ugly humiliation in order to humble ourselves and repent. And there is usually pain when we try to change and grow. But necessary pain is also part of the process. Much as we don’t like it, some pain is necessary. And in order to endure it we have to keep our thoughts centered on the beauty that will come with the healing.

I’m imagining that. It will be good. But right now my face is pretty scary. That's the nature of necessary pain.

My Misadventure With Necessary Pain

Last week as I was hoping and praying for D5 while she was in Russia, I found myself keeping very busy physically so I wouldn’t stress and worry too much about all the heart ache and problems she was encountering. Distraction is a wonderful Truth Tool and it did keep me from moving into the Pit of Illusion where thoughts and stories stray from Truth and sink us into self-pity and vexation. I thought I was doing very well.

But I am still learning. While distracting myself had helped me avoid the Unnecessary Pain that comes from sinking into the Pit of Illusion, I was faced with some very real Necessary Pain that the distraction kept me from dealing with. Instead I had bottled it up inside me and Sunday it came spewing out with a vengeance.

I was fine until just before Relief Society meeting when a friend who knew D5 had gone to Russia to adopt children came up to me and asked if D5 was home and how it had gone. I began to explain all the heartache and the problems and the pent up tears just pushed right out of my heart, into my eyes, and down my cheeks and I could not stop them to save me. The meeting started and I still couldn’t stop weeping. I tried everything I knew, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

The lesson was wonderful-based on Elder Holland’s talk “The Best Is Yet To Be.”(The perfect lesson for me right then!) It was well prepared and comforting, but I felt so sorry for the teacher. There I was sitting right in front of her, crying through the whole lesson. But being a fantastic teacher, she did a beautiful job despite me.

What I was reminded of through this experience (and should have remembered before) is that with Necessary Pain there are certain emotions we have to face and then work through—sorrow, anger, grief, etc. Working through them properly allows us to grow and learn from the experience. Instead of using Truth Tools to avoid even thinking about the situation, I should have accepted each emotion as it presented itself, the sorrow, the grief, the anger, and used the Truth Tools to work through each emotion. If we avoid working through these emotions, they can build up and fester until they manifest themselves in a way that causes other problems.

Like I say, I am still learning! I hope what I learn can help you.

All Things Work For Good

I am more and more amazed at the beauties of Living in Truth. As I’ve explained before, necessary pain is going to come into our lives. That is just part of a mortal experience. And some of that pain is absolutely devastating and makes no sense. Like the righteous women who aren't married or who can’t have children. That pain is deep and real and is impossible to attach a meaning to. All we can do is trust in God.

But as we do learn how to trust in God even in the face of pain that has no meaning or reason to it, the wondrous thing is to discover how close we can be to our Father in Heaven despite the pain. When we Live in Truth there is no mental chatter to keep us from hearing and feeling the presence of God. Despite the pain, we know there is Someone nearby cradling us in His arms and comforting us with the thoughts that while we don’t understand, He does and that He is going to make it all right.

I love the verse in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Living in Truth allows us to trust in this statement and to know without a doubt that “all things work together for good” even if we can’t see at the moment how that could ever happen.

Worry vs. Empathy

Don't Worry!

The older I get the more thankful I become for the Truth Tools. Just last week I went to bed so full of consternation about some problems that I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for awhile and finally realized what I was doing. “What is the Truth here? Is my worrying helping the problem at all?” I asked myself. “The answer was an obvious, “NO!” All I was doing was making myself miserable—vexing myself.

So .  .  .  I began reciting over and over to myself one line from the Charge, “The Lord thy God is with thee.” I had been doing that for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden peace washed through me like a tidal wave washing the beach and I was able to go to sleep. It was a beautiful, peaceful experience, and the next morning I found myself pondering on it a great deal.

The thing that struck me as I pondered is that sometimes we confuse worrying with empathy. We think because we are worried we are empathizing. We feel that it is good to worry. But empathy is experiencing another person’s necessary pain. It is sorrowing because they sorrow or hurting because they hurt. But worry is unnecessary pain and is something I couldn’t comprehend God experiencing. There is a fine line here between concepts, but it is an important distinction to understand. Some vexing emotions such as sorrow accomplish something and have some positive uses. For example sorrow is as a step in the letting go of a loved one, or it is an important part of repentance and acknowledging that we need a Savior. But worry is a lack of faith and accomplishes nothing. Therefore, when we replace the worry with the affirmative statement, “The Lord thy God is with thee” we are filling ourselves with faith and courage and allowing the Spirit to direct us. And that can be a very real, very tangible experience as it was for me that night.

We do not have to suffer unnecessary pain. We can let it go not because we are so strong or disciplined or wonderful, but because Jesus Christ is.

Truth Tool - Music

Are you singing?

 If not start to sing and watch what happens inside you. Music is a powerful Truth Tool and works very well to dispel all kinds of vexation. Remember the musical, “The King and I” when Anna teaches the children to whistle a happy tune whenever they feel afraid? That isn’t just a fun song, it is valuable advice, and not just for dispelling fear.

Surrounding ourselves with good music creates an atmosphere that invites the Spirit and is strong preventative medicine that can keep us from plunging into the Pit of Illusion. Good music fortifies us and helps us stay firmly rooted in the Realm of Truth. But Music can also be used as a

Truth Tool when vexation overtakes us and begins to sink us into the Pit. Music is powerful.

We used to have a rule in our house when the children were growing up that you could fight and quarrel all you wanted—as long as you sang it. It was amazing how anger would turn to laughter in seconds when someone sang their angry feeling instead of shouting them. But music doesn’t just work when there are two parties involved in a heated discussion. Next time you encounter a frustrating situation sing your thoughts. Let’s say you hurry out to your car to leave for an appointment and you discover that you have a flat tire. As the negative feelings start to swell within you, sing your thoughts, “What has happened to my car? I don’t have time for this today. There’s no one around to help me fix it. What am I going to do?” Sing right out loud and watch what happens.

The situation doesn’t change. You still have some Necessary Pain to endure. You still have a flat tire. You still will be late. You still have a problem to solve. But you endure it well because you don’t suffer the Unnecessary Pain. Instead of falling into the Pit of Illusion you will stay in the

Realm of Truth where you have the direction of the Spirit to guide you to quickly and efficiently solve the problem.

Necessary Pain happens, but music can keep us firmly grounded in the Realm of Truth where we avoid the Unnecessary Pain and have more help.

So keep singing!

Like Little Children

As you might have guessed by now, I was a little out of it yesterday. (And I'm not taking any pain pills or anything!) I was thinking the book contest ended yesterday, but it doesn't end until today. Soooo....This is the last day to enter the book giveaway. Click here and then leave a comment if you haven’t already done so. Contest ends at midnight tonight.

I did have a lot of time to think yesterday since I'm supposed to stay off the foot as much as possible. And I was thinking more about the Savior's admonition to become as a little child. Obviously that means to repent so that we, like little children, are exalted through the power of the Atonement. But there is more that He is asking of us here.

To be honest, the invitation to be as a little child used to bother me. As a young mother I noticed how selfish little children can be. If they want something and you tell them no, tempers can wreck havoc for hours. But there are other things that children do that we should emulate.

Think about it. One of the necessary pains of telestial life is learning to walk. When we were young we all did it. We can’t remember learning, but we’ve watched toddlers learn to walk and so we know that we fell down and hurt our knees. We stumbled into walls and knocked our heads. We slammed down on our back sides, and we cried over the hurts. But we got back up and kept trying until we could do it. We passed through the necessary pain and learned to walk. But as we grow older we use our agency to try and avoid the necessary pains of life and in so doing we create more pain—unnecessary pain.

I’ve often wondered how different our world would be if instead of being coordinated enough to walk while toddlers, we didn’t learn to walk until we were eight or nine years old. If that were the case, I’m sure only about half the population would ever learn to walk. The other half would still be crawling and saying things like, “If God intended for people to walk, they would be born walking. It’s unnatural to walk.” Or, “I can’t keep trying. It hurts too much when I fall.” Or “People laugh at me when I fall. I can’t stand to hear them laugh at me.” Or “I like the way I get around on all fours. Why should I change? Change takes too much effort.” Or “I try and try, but I can’t walk as well as Dad and Mom, so why try?” Or “Learning to walk shouldn’t be this difficult. I just don’t have the talent.” Or, “As soon as Susie put her feet on the ground she took off walking, but I keep falling. It just isn’t fair.”

No one told us we needed to walk. We just saw that people walk and so we learned to do it. In the same way we should look to the Savior and just do what He did--without excuses. Sure we'll fail sometimes, but trying is what little children do, and if we are to be like little children, we need to keep trying.

Live Pain Free!

The best part of BYU/Relief Society Conference is all the people you meet. Some of you were kind enough to introduce yourselves which was very exciting for me. As I’ve stated here, I feel like you are all my good friends—the kind you chat with daily—so it was great to actually see you. There were others who didn’t have time to say hello, but who have emailed me or left comments here. Thank you!

For those of you who weren’t able to attend the conference, some of the sessions (not mine) will be rebroadcast on BYU-TV and KBYU on May 13 and 14. It will be worth your time to see it. Of course, you will miss the fresh fudge and the mint brownies, but maybe you could make some to eat while you watch.

I spoke on differentiating between necessary and unnecessary pain, and specifically on how unnecessary unnecessary pain is. (That isn't a typo, but you may have to read it twice to understand!) The surprising thing to me as I’ve been speaking on this topic the last year is how everyone laughs as they recognize themselves as creators of unnecessary pain and Friday was no exception. It shouldn’t be surprising to me because that’s what I found myself doing as I learned about unnecessary pain and began to see how I was creating it in myself. Some of the things we do are so absurd when we step back and really see them for what they are!

So my challenge today is for you to pay close attention to your feelings and when you begin to feel anything negative—any pain—examine what is causing it. Is it necessary pain or unnecessary pain? And if it is unnecessary pain, laugh it away. If you are like me, you will be surprised at how much of your pain is unnecessary and just recognizing that fact sends it flying.