We Can't Change Anyone--But Ourselves

One of the things that pushes people into the Pit of Illusion is that they spend so much time trying to change other people. They are constantly consumed with thoughts of “My husband shouldn’t do that,” or “My wife doesn’t do this right,” or “My children should be more. . .” You get the idea. Their whole thought process is based around the idea that if those close to them would change, they’d be happier.

But when we Live in Truth we realize that we can’t—absolutely can’t—change anyone but ourselves. We have no control over others. That’s the Truth. Therefore, when we live in Truth we don’t waste time and effort trying to “fix” everyone around us. Instead we examine our own lives and spend the time developing strategies to implement Truth in our lives and work out our own salvation.

There are so many benefits to doing this. First of all as we grow and change, it affects others. Personal relationships are interactive and if we change the way we act, people have to change how they react to us. If we don’t get upset when they push our buttons, they quit pushing because there is no reward. If we stop being negative and critical they stop being defensive.

But there is more! Our changing sets an example and as others see the happiness and joy we experience from Living in Truth, they want it. They begin to seek after the same joy and happiness.

But that’s not all! When we stop worry, vexing and fretting about what others are doing or not doing, we uncomplicated our lives and find peace. We can drop the worry, the vexation, the stress and use that energy to work on our own happiness. We can turn the problems over to the Lord. That doesn’t mean we forget others, but that we trust that God will guide them. Our part is to pray for, set the example, and when appropriate teach others, but we can control or change them. Realizing we don’t have to fix others is very liberating.

He Cares

I love a simple verse in the New Testament that touches my soul in a special way. In Matthew chapter 10 the Savior sent the twelve apostles out to teach the gospel. They are gone for a while and when they return tired, fatigued, and weary from their long journeys they report to him on their labors. But by this time word of the Savior has spread so that hundreds of people throng Jesus daily which makes much work for the tired apostles as Mark explains “thy had no leisure, not so much as to eat” (Mark 6:31). Then comes the part I love. Jesus says to the apostles, “Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while.”

Seeing Jesus’ concern for the physical welfare of his apostles comforts me. I know that He is also concerned about me—not just my spiritual well-being, but my physical, intellectual, and emotional well-being. I know that just as he understood the physical limits of the apostles, He knows my limits and that He will not ask me to do more than I can do. Therefore, I can trust all aspects of my life to his care.

Humbly Being

I was in a meeting a few weeks ago when one woman began to say some very nice things about another woman in the room. As the second woman realized she was the one being talked about she yelled out, “Don’t go there. Don’t say that.”

I know both the women, and I know that what the first was saying was true. But the second woman’s reaction is very normal. So the question is, why is it that we can’t take a compliment when it is offered in all sincerity without saying something to negate the compliment? There are several reasons I’ve thought of and they all lead us back to Living in Truth.

One reason is that for some reason we think all our faults cancel out all our good qualities. We hear the compliment offered but we think about all the ways we fell short in the last week and decide we couldn’t possibly be the wonderful person that is being complimented. That reminds me of something my grandson, Aaron, said yesterday. D2 texted me his comment, “Mom, I’m really bad at being really good.” Instead of recognizing that there are areas of our lives in which we are really good and there are areas of our lives in which we need improvement, we lump it all together and like some mathematical equation where the negative sign always carries over into the answer, we total ourselves up to be negative. That just isn’t true. The Truth is that we all have faults and we all have strengths. Those strengths are gifts of God and denying them is denying God.

Another reason we negate compliments is that we have a false sense of what it means to be humble. Jesus Christ was the example of all goodness and values. He was meek. He was humble. When asked who He was He answered, “I am” meaning He is life itself. He is existence. That “I am” was often followed with things like, “I am the way, the truth, and the light.” Now you might excuse yourself by saying that He is a God and so He isn’t in the same category as we are. But that doesn’t work. The lesson here is that Jesus Christ knew who He was and what God had made Him. He knew the Truth. We, too, should know who we are and what God has made us—not just the negative, but also all the positive. I once heard humility defined as “power under control.” I like that definition a lot and it perfectly describes humility as the Savior exemplified it.

Learning what it really means to be humble has been a difficult lesson for me. I grew up around people who negated every compliment and so I thought it was how I should react. But I’ve come to realize that when people compliment me what they are seeing is what God has given me, and my denying it is denying Him. Think about this: You give your daughter a beautiful new dress. It makes you happy to give it and give it with the intent to make her happy. But when you are out with the child someone compliments her on the dress and she responds, “What, this old dress. It’s not that great.” How would you feel?

Living in Truth means that we recognize the Truth. And the Truth is that all that is good in us comes from God. So when someone compliments what we do or what we are instead of negating it, we simply realize that what they are complimenting is the grace God has given us and we say thank you to them but then pass that thanks on to God. That is humility.

Fleeing Darkness

I don’t remember ever being afraid of the dark, but several of my children were. I think one of the reasons I wasn’t afraid of the dark is that I was seldom in total darkness. Total darkness may have scared me, but when I was in darkness there was always a sliver of light coming under the door or wisps of light floating in through a window or some light, however vague, was somewhere. And as long as there was some light, I wasn’t frightened.

I’ve been thinking about this light and dark thing a lot lately and it dawned on me (I love puns!) that darkness isn’t really anything. It isn’t an entity in and of itself at all. Instead it is the absence of something—the absence of light. When you want to get rid of darkness you don’t attack it, or destroy it, instead you add light and the darkness flees.

By the same token, fear isn’t something. Instead it occurs when faith is lacking and when we shine faith onto the fear the fear flees. When we Live in Truth, therefore, it isn’t a matter of chasing away the darkness or even avoiding darkness. Instead Living in Truth means shining light on every aspect of our lives. When we do that the darkness flees.

Out of the Comfort Zone Into the Joy

I’m home and all went well. These new little ones are so precious and such a miracle. Holding little Hugh brought back so many memories of my own babies. In short, I had a wonderful time.

Traveling gives me time to think and even though it was a short flight, I had time to wonder about failure. When we live in Truth we don’t worry about failure. We just do what needs to be done. But there is something about the worry of failing. Many people say they are afraid of failing. They won’t do a lot of things because of that fear. But it isn’t the fear of failing that stops most of us. It is the fear of being observed failing.

Think about that. If you were alone and no one could see you, would you still be afraid to attempt something for fear of failing? In some rare instances where the thing is dangerous the answer would be, “Yes.” But for most things it really isn’t the thing itself that scares us, it’s the fact that other people would see us failing. In other words, we are worried about ourselves and our self-image.

But when we live in Truth, we recognize that in this mortal life failure is going to happen and that life is much richer and more enjoyable when we drop the unnecessary pain of worrying about failing, spread our wings and try as many things as we can. So what if we fail? We are better for having tried, and life is a lot more enjoyable that way.

So jettison your fear and do something that's out of your comfort zone. Enjoy!

Sabbath Scripture

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

Watching

I took Jane and George out to play this afternoon and was delighted with the diversity here at the Stanford University married student housing playground. Two little girls spoke no English and almost all of the other children spoke with accents. Jane is picking up a little Spanish just from playing, but more important she is learning that God has many children and that they are all different but wonderful. Last night my son-in-law took me to see his lab--the artificial intelligence lab. I ran a real life robot that can do your wash, fold it, and put it away. The only problem is that it costs $400,000. A little out of my price range! He also took me through the bio-medicine labs where I saw cutting edge technology of the kind that has allowed me to retain my sight. Some people claim there is no God, only science. Instead I know that Science is a gift of God and it was amazing to see what God is teaching men to be able to do. Oh, the tender mercies of God!