Influences

Today and last Saturday I attended funeral memorials for very beautiful, wonderful people who have left great legacies for their families and friends. I am grateful for these kinds of people and for the many people like this who have touched my life for good. I don't think any of us realize how much of an influence we have on each other. One of these people was my aunt who had a very great influence on my life. I loved her and I know she loved me. I learned so much from watching her faith up close.

The other woman I wasn't real close to, but seeing her occasionally, hearing about her from others, and watching her from afar taught me so much about love and faith. This has made me think about so many other people who have gone on but who have greatly influenced my life--both those close to me and those in the periphery of my life. There are so many and I am so grateful for them.

This has also made me think about the many people who are still alive who encourage and lift and help me to be a better person. Again, some of them would be surprised to learn what they have done for me because I don't interact with them that much. Others are close to me but are unaware of how much I learn from them. I need to tell them. But in the meantime, I think all of us need to realize that we do have an influence on those around us, even if we don't know it. We can't do life alone and God has sent all of us amazing people to help us through.

Open the Door

Last week a friend shared with me an experience that I learned a lot from and so I thought I'd share it with you. About twenty years ago my friend was going through a trying experience with a child and eventually the child married outside the temple. I won’t go into all the details, but my friend was very hurt and experienced all the feelings we go through in situations like this—feelings of self-doubt and failure and worry for the child. She became depressed over the things that were happening and felt very alone and abandoned by those around her, she prayed that someone would reach out to her, someone who she could confide in and someone who would help her though the ordeal, but instead of comforting her people seemed to avoid her. She described it as one of the worst times of her life. But it turned out well. Eventually she pulled out of the depression, and the couple was sealed in the temple. They now have seven beautiful children and are doing well.


Now for the learning part. Last week my friend went to lunch with a woman who was a close friend of hers before and during those trying years. During the lunch the woman brought up that long ago wedding and explained that while she was well over it now, but she had been very hurt that she had not been invited to the wedding, especially when she found out that someone who wasn’t as close of a friend had been invited. She then said that she was also hurt that my friend had pulled away from her during that time.

My friend said she was so shocked she couldn’t respond. First of all the person invited was not invited because she was a friend but because she was the child's employer. She was the only non-family member invited to the wedding. She also remembered the prayers, the nights she cried herself to sleep, how she had yearned for someone she could talk to, someone who would assure her and comfort her through the experience. And here was a person who could have done that, but instead she had taken offense because she wasn’t invited to the wedding.

“As she explained her feelings,” my friend said, “I realized I must have appeared to pull away from her and others. Part of the reason I didn’t get the comfort I needed was my own fault. At the time, I felt ashamed and afraid to reach out for fear of others’ reactions. But the thing that stunned me most as she explained all of this is that she never once reached out to me. Since that conversation with her, I’ve looked back on my own life and wondered how many times when someone needed me I turned away because of some petty offence or because I felt them pulling away. I wish I’d learned this sooner, but I now realize that often when people appear to close the door to us is the very time we need to knock and let ourselves in.”

The Power We Have

It is surprising what a simple gesture of kindness can mean in a person’s life. As I look back on my life, I realize that there were a few people who greatly influenced me. The amazing thing is that in every case the things they did were small simple things–so small the people have no idea what an impact they had on me. But even though they don’t remember what they did, I do.

Growing up in what was then the small town of Centerville, my friends and I used to visit the older ladies that lived on our street. Two of these especially influenced me by their kindness. Mrs. Torrey once gave me an old book, Heidi, with the simple words, “I have only sons and so I want you to have this.” It made me feel so very special and important.

When only five years old, I’d write “books” of my own, illustrate them and go door to door selling them. Mrs. Torrey and Aunt Nora would praise my books so much that it felt like they filled me with helium.
Later, in high school, an English teacher, Miss Lee, encouraged my writing. She wrote at the end of one assignment words that I memorized. “Sherrie, You’ve got it–whatever it is. Don’t ever stop writing!!!” I can’t even count how many time those two sentences saved me when encountering editors who rejected my manuscripts and through many other bumps in life.

Other friends such as Lucille Reading and Laurie Thornton warmed, encouraged and bolstered me, again without knowing what an impact they were having on my life. They just did what was natural for them. They loved me despite my faults. Whenever I’d get discouraged, I’d go visit Lucille and I’d come away lifted. When I went, I didn’t talk about my problems. I just knew that being in her presence for a little while would “cure” me. She was that kind of person. Laurie was the same way. Laurie was blind, but she had learned to laugh with life despite the fact that life had handed her some bad cards, and her laughter was infectious.

Often we read about people who have a mentor that takes them by the hand and plays a major part in their lives the way Anne Sullivan did in Helen Keller’s life. That does happen. But in my own life the most impactful influences have been brief, small occurrences like my young women’s leader, Barbara Davis, who despite the fact that I was being a brat during the lesson one night, patiently put up with me. Her love and kindness that night communicated a love to me that was much needed at the time. 

The reason I bring this up is because we too often underestimate the power we have to impact others. We never know when something as simple as a smile, a hug, a phone call, or an encouraging word is just what someone needs to send them on their way injected with hope–a hope that can last a lifetime. We are more influential than we realize, and we need to be more aware of the power we have to encourage others and then use that power.