Happiness Discovered

I was listening recently to a talk by the psychologist, Martin Seligman, who has studied what makes people happy. He described the three types of life that bring happiness. (1) The Pleasant Life which consists of obtaining as much pleasure as you can, and filling your days with only pleasurable activities like going shopping, watching television, taking drugs, etc. (2) The Engaged Life which is a life of being one with the things you love. This comes by knowing what your strengths are and then directing your life to use those strengths at work, in relationships, and in all you do. (3) The Meaningful Life also consists of knowing your strengths and then using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are.

Seligman explained that while the Pleasant looks good it only works as long as the pleasure lasts. There is no sustained happiness or satisfaction that comes from the pleasure. But there is a great deal of sustained happiness and satisfaction found in the Engaged Life and the Meaningful Life.

As I listened I was suddenly struck with the fact that the gospel of Jesus Christ (the Good News!) warns us against a life of mere pleasure and not only encourages us but promises us happiness if we are “anxiously engaged in a good cause” and if we forget ourselves and devote our time, means, and efforts to building the gospel of Jesus Christ—something bigger than we are.

Isn’t it amazing! Once again science “discovers” what the scriptures have taught for ages.

How Are You?

The other day I attended a Relief Society meeting at a care center. I always enjoy going there and participating with these gentle, kind people who have lived long, long lives and seen so much of history. I enjoy talking with them after the meeting and hearing their stories. They all have led amazing lives with incredible experiences. But there is also a touch of sadness because some of them have lost the ability to recall their own stories. Some of them struggle to even know what is going on around them. And some have even lost the ability to struggle.

However, this week one of those women gave me a good laugh and made me think. I passed her in the hall after the meeting and said, “How are you?” Without looking at me she answered, “I don’t cook good.”

I was delighted at her honest and refreshing response. How many times a day do we exchange the how-are-you-I-am-fine greeting without any real emotion or meaning being exchanged? The word how means “state or condition,” and this woman told me what her condition was: she was not a good cook.

I hope this brings a smile to your day like it did mine. I also hope it makes you think about how you would sum your condition up in one sentence to answer the question, “How are you?” I think it varies day to day so that instead of the pat answer, “I’m doing well, thank you.” We could have a different answer every day. Today if anyone asks me “How are you?” I’m going to answer, “I’m a good reader.” Do you think that will startle anyone? Leave a comment and let me know how you are today.

Revising

Sometimes our negative stories cling to us like a static silk scarf. Usually the reason they cling is because we are going about ridding ourselves of them in the wrong way. The only way to make darkness go away is to replace it with light. It does no good to say, “Go away dark” or “It shouldn’t be so dark.” Instead you simply shine in the light and suddenly there is no darkness.

The statement that there is opposition in all things means that for every bad something there is a good something. Look for the good! Dwell on it! Enjoy! Rewrite a new positive story. Don=t cut corners here. Fill the mind with the positive story so the negative doesn’t have room to grow. Retell your old negative story by concentrating on the positives in the story. (There will always be some!) Attribute positive motives to the other person. See the situation in a new light.

Almost any author will tell you that the secret to good writing is in the revision process. Perhaps the secret of good living is also in the revision. The milk spills and the negative thoughts start to form, but you can rewrite the thoughts. “Those kids make my life so miserable” can with a little effort be revised to, “These kids certainly keep my life interesting! Never a dull moment at my house!” and “They don’t even care how much work they make for me” can be changed to, “I wonder how many times my mother did this for me? Bless her heart! I need to thank her.” “Don’t they understand we can’t afford to waste milk like this?” can become, “As long as I’ve paid for this milk, I might as well enjoy it! I’m going to have a little fun cleaning this up.”

Some people dismiss this as being Pollyannaish and unrealistic. You can call it whatever you want, but if the milk is already on the floor, why add to the pain by thinking negative thoughts? Give me one good reason! Why wallow in the negative thinking? Why stress yourself or give yourself ulcers? Just revise the story and enjoy. The truth is the milk is spilled. The meaning or feeling we attach to that truth can fill us with unnecessary pain or free us from pain. It is a choice.


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