I'm Learning -- Slowly

Don't you just love it when you catch yourself doing the very thing you are preaching against and working so hard to overcome? No! But that's how life goes and that's how we learn.

If you've read Good News! much you already know that I'm a struggling pessimist-addict who is working hard at being positive and non-critical. That's what caused me to search out and learn what it means to Live in Truth. Some days I feel like I'm doing well at my goals and other days I find myself in the Pit of Illusion more than I want to be. And then there are the days I think I'm doing well and something brings me up short. That's what happened on the way home from California yesterday.

I was slowly making my way through the security line at the airport when I noticed a woman in the winding line beside me wearing a banner diagonally across her chest with big, pink, glittery letters that said, "Bachelorette." My immediate thought (I'm sorry to admit it!) was, "That is so weird. Why would anyone parade through an airport advertising in pink glitter their marital status?"

Obvious to you, that was an extremely negative comment. (Mind you, I didn't say it out loud; I just thought it loudly!) But it didn't even register in my mind (think 60 years of bad habit!) that I was thinking a very negative thought UNTIL about two minutes later when someone new entered the security line and seeing the Bachelorette proclaimed aloud to the woman with him, "How cute! Look at that girl with the pink banner."

I was immediately called to repentance and realized my thinking was wrong. The Lord chastens those He loves!

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: 

nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness 

unto them which are exercised thereby. 

Hebrews 12:11

The Losada Ratio

The psychologist, Marcel Losada, has identified what has become known as the Losada ratio—a ratio of positive thoughts to negative thoughts. Building on this concept, other positive psychologists have determined that when positive thoughts are more frequent than negative thoughts people are happier and relationships are stronger.

Dr. John Gottman has determined through years of research that happy marriages have a Losada ratio of 5:1 meaning there are 5 positive exchanges for every one negative.

Living in Truth is all about overcoming the negative feelings of life and facilitating the positive. For those of us who have spent years mired in negative thinking, making the change is difficult, but so worth it. And like all other worthwhile things we find that this principle is taught in the scriptures. Paul tells us that “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). In other words, find the positive and enjoy whatever life brings you. And to the Hebrews he explains how this is possible, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). We can be positive because of Jesus Christ. He is always with us and will never forsake us.

While there are moments in life that need to be recognized as negative and corrected, if our Losada ration is any place from 2.9:1 or higher, we will find contentment and joy in life. So for every negative thought, think (sincerely feel!) three positive thoughts and watch what happens to your day.

Just A Little House Cleaning

I’m in a de-cluttering mood. Everything in my house is shaking for fear it’s going to be thrown into the garbage and hoping that instead it will get a second life at Deseret Industries. I’m going at it with a vengeance.

But while I’m doing this physical house cleaning, I’m also determined to de-clutter my mind. I’m throwing out all the bad thoughts about what I did wrong as I was raising my children. Come to think of it, I also need to throw out all the negative thoughts about what my parents did wrong when raising me. I’m digging deep into the closets of my mind and throwing out all the “I-wish-I-hads” and all the “I-wish-I-hadn’ts”. They are taking up way too much room on my mental storage shelves. All regrets are being trashed, and in their place I’m stocking the shelves with a year’s supply of positive thoughts. Memories of good times. Thoughts of things I’ve done right. And I’ve got a whole shelf reserved just for warm, wonderful feelings of what it will be like to once again return to my Heavenly Father and be with all my loved ones who are waiting for me on the other side.

I’ve never liked housecleaning much, but doing the physical part with my hands while my head and heart are doing this mental de-cluttering has made both jobs easier. I never thought I’d say this, but I like this kind of cleaning up!

Let There Be Light!

I’ve always been fascinated by the creation story that begins our Bible. Think about the first sentence for a moment: “God created the heaven and the earth.” The majesty, the grandeur, the power, and the miracles inherent in that simple statement are mind boggling. But most intriguing is the fact that God begins with darkness and a formless void which He makes into this amazing earth. In other words, He began with a very negative set of circumstances and changed them into something very positive.
Right now I am looking at the bright pink roses in my back yard, the grassy green expanse of yard, the bright blue sky with puffs of white clouds adding a touch of whimsy, trees already heavy with budding fruit, and I marvel that God created this out of a formless, dark, void. Imagine what would have happened if He had said, “There’s nothing good here. I can’t make something out of this mess. I need at least a little something to build on.” But He didn’t. He took what He had and worked with it until he “saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:12).
And how did He do it? He began with a simple command, “Let there be light.”
I think there is a lesson in that for me. Much of what I encounter in this lone and dreary world is chaotic, dark, formless, and painful. Negative things abound in a telestial world. But the creation story teaches me that as His child I have the power to change the negative into something positive. When I encounter negative situations I can follow His example and command, “Let there be light.”
The way I use this is when I come into a negative situation, such as grief, stress, being critical of others, feeling discouraged, feeling rebellious, any negative thing, I press my tongue to the ridge in the roof of my mouth and say the words, “Let there be light” or “Let in the light.” It may sound silly, and I’m not sure why or how it works, but it does. When I do this, I can feel the negative feeling leave and the positive “light” take its place. The words would probably be enough, but pressing my tongue gives me a physical sensation that then becomes connected to this change in feelings and like Pavlov’s dog it helps assure the response. It is also something I can do without anyone seeing or knowing what I am doing.
I know it sounds over simplified, but commanding light worked when creating a world and it works in creating our lives.
[photo by Gilbert Tremblay]