Good

There are days when for some reason we just wake up feeling out of it. It isn't that we feel bad, we just are in some foggy state of not feeling anything at all. On days like that I've found that the mood can be quickly changed by simply repeating in you mind the word good.

This works on other occasions also. When negative feelings plague you, push them away by repeating, "Good!" and watch what happens. Or when you want to remember something from the past that is good, but you can't quite think of it, say, "Good" and all sorts of past memories that are good will spring to mind. Hopefully one of them will be the one you want.

But you have to say the word with meaning. There are ways to say good and really mean bad. This only works if you mean what you say!

Make it a good day!

The Supernatural Power of Family

This has been a summer of travel and family and I'm loving every minute of it. Last week I had five of my daughters here and we went to lunch together. And the last few days I've been in Tennessee to see my grandson who just returned from a mission and to attend the temple with his brother who is just  leaving on a mission. Talk about happy days! There is nothing like being with family especially when those family members are making such good life choices.

As we finished the temple session and stood together talking it was all I could do to keep my heart in my chest! I had my daughter and three grandsons with me in the temple. Since most of my children live far away I haven't had the opportunity to do a lot of things with them and so being with them at that special time was very especially wonderful.

Sometimes the stress and work a family involves makes us forget how very wonderful family is. Living together in such a close relationship also presents opportunities for hurt feelings and problems that can keep us from enjoying family ties. But when we learn to let those negative things go and concentrate on the love and happiness part of family, the joy that comes from those relationships is extraordinary and amazing (something beyond this world!). I don't have words to explain it, but I can feel it. It is real and wonderful.

Don't Disparage The Good Stuff

Any of you who are over the age of six have encountered “cheesy” sayings and wall plagues such as “Smile and the world smiles with you” that often cause us to roll our eyes in disgust. “Cheesy,” “Pollyanna,” “trite,” “unrealistic,” are just a few of the thoughts that pass through our minds. But surrounding ourselves with positive thoughts and thinking positive thoughts has been proven to increase positive thinking and happiness.

So why do we cringe when we see these sayings posted? What is it that makes us smirk and make light of them? Perhaps it is because the adversary knows they can encourage people and so he instills the disdain in us. 

Next time you are tempted to turn up your nose at catchy, happy statements remember the value and instead of demeaning them, enjoy them. Even that simple act can make all the difference in your day!

Happy Times!

Enough about negative emotions! Today I want to look at positive emotions. Too often we don’t stop to analyze positive emotions. We feel good. We feel happy. So that’s all that matters. We are content. But when we are feeling positive emotion, we have a wonderful opportunity to learn more about positive feelings if we just take the time to notice a few things.

For example, next time you are feeling really good about something stop and ask yourself why. Solidify in your mind exactly what it was that made you feel good. The something doesn’t need to be big. Sometimes our happiest moments are caused by little things such as watching one of our children lovingly help a sibling. Take note of the fact that the happiness occurred because you were satisfied with what happened. Satisfaction is key to all happiness and so learning to be satisfied will bring more happiness.

Also notice that your thoughts were so occupied by what occurred that you totally pushed aside any bad thoughts such as worry about bills or stress over a task that needed to be done. In other words, part of the happiness was caused not just because of the good thing that happened but because you didn’t think about other things in that moment—you focused on the good. That is an important discovery because too often we think happiness is something that occasionally falls upon us without realizing that we have a big part to play in making it happen and making it last.

By stopping to analyze what is happening when we feel happy we solidify and deepen the feelings and it helps us look for and enjoy more of these kind of happy moments. Thus being aware of what we are doing and thinking in happy times increases our chances of having more of those good times!

Help Me Find Positive Movies

I need your help!

I am compiling a list of movies that portray the principles of Living in Truth. What I'm looking for are movies that exemplify people Living in Truth, people recognizing and changing so that they Live in Truth, people living life in the present, or people demonstrating positive attitudes that make them happy despite their situations or their environment.

A few of the movies that have started my list are:

What About Bob?

Groundhog Day

The Devil Wears Prada

Field of Dreams

Chariots of Fire

Life is Beautiful

It's A Wonderful Life

The Karate Kid

The Pursuit of Happyness

The Sound of Music

The Big Year

Now, it's your turn. Tell me what movies you've seen that portray any of the principles of Living in Truth.

The Losada Ratio

The psychologist, Marcel Losada, has identified what has become known as the Losada ratio—a ratio of positive thoughts to negative thoughts. Building on this concept, other positive psychologists have determined that when positive thoughts are more frequent than negative thoughts people are happier and relationships are stronger.

Dr. John Gottman has determined through years of research that happy marriages have a Losada ratio of 5:1 meaning there are 5 positive exchanges for every one negative.

Living in Truth is all about overcoming the negative feelings of life and facilitating the positive. For those of us who have spent years mired in negative thinking, making the change is difficult, but so worth it. And like all other worthwhile things we find that this principle is taught in the scriptures. Paul tells us that “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). In other words, find the positive and enjoy whatever life brings you. And to the Hebrews he explains how this is possible, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). We can be positive because of Jesus Christ. He is always with us and will never forsake us.

While there are moments in life that need to be recognized as negative and corrected, if our Losada ration is any place from 2.9:1 or higher, we will find contentment and joy in life. So for every negative thought, think (sincerely feel!) three positive thoughts and watch what happens to your day.

All Is Well . . .

Years ago I was doing some research in which I was reading original journals and writings from the early days of the Church. Now I grew up in the Church, and on all lines of my family for five generations they have been members of the Churc,h and I knew about the persecution in Missouri and Illinois and Ohio. But as I read those journasl I was surprised at the atrocities and horrors those early saints encountered and I wondered why those things weren't talked about more.

As I began to review my Church history classes and what I’d learned I realized that most of the persecution was glossed over quickly. The only time I remember details was in the story of the Haun’s Mill Massacre and most of that story centered on the mother who packed her sons blown away hip with ash and how the hip grew back. In other words, even that story was centered on the positive instead of the atrocities that occurred.

Critics of the Church often criticize the Church for not dwelling more on the negative things the Church has done in the past, but as I learned from reading those journals the Church doesn’t just downplay the bad things members have done, they downplay the bad things that have been done to them. Sometimes historians or individual members will dig up the past and try to dwell on it, but the Church mostly downplays anything negative and concentrates on everything positive.

That taught me something. Critics might say we are “sweeping things under the rug” and trying to keep things quiet, but when we compare this behavior to what the Savior teaches we realize that there must be power and strength in concentrating on the good and not dwelling on the bad. Every family, every individual has good and bad within it. But if we follow the example of the Savior and the Church we realize that we can dwell on the negative things that happen to us and cause ourselves unnecessary pain and grief or we can move on and concentrate on the positive things and enjoy peace and happiness. The choice is ours!

Just A Little House Cleaning

I’m in a de-cluttering mood. Everything in my house is shaking for fear it’s going to be thrown into the garbage and hoping that instead it will get a second life at Deseret Industries. I’m going at it with a vengeance.

But while I’m doing this physical house cleaning, I’m also determined to de-clutter my mind. I’m throwing out all the bad thoughts about what I did wrong as I was raising my children. Come to think of it, I also need to throw out all the negative thoughts about what my parents did wrong when raising me. I’m digging deep into the closets of my mind and throwing out all the “I-wish-I-hads” and all the “I-wish-I-hadn’ts”. They are taking up way too much room on my mental storage shelves. All regrets are being trashed, and in their place I’m stocking the shelves with a year’s supply of positive thoughts. Memories of good times. Thoughts of things I’ve done right. And I’ve got a whole shelf reserved just for warm, wonderful feelings of what it will be like to once again return to my Heavenly Father and be with all my loved ones who are waiting for me on the other side.

I’ve never liked housecleaning much, but doing the physical part with my hands while my head and heart are doing this mental de-cluttering has made both jobs easier. I never thought I’d say this, but I like this kind of cleaning up!

Seeing Love At Work

I’ve been in California with Mr. J. We went for two reasons; first, he had a conference in Berkeley and second, one of our grandsons was being baptized. Mr. J has been going to these Intellectual Property conferences for years and has become good friends with many of the people who attend from other universities, so on Friday night we went to dinner with one of them. I had met Mr. B only one time before, but have heard Mr. J talk about him often. Therefore, it was a delight for me to be with him and find out for myself that all the wonderful things Mr. J has told me about him are true.

Mr. B. has a nine-year-old daughter that is severely handicapped. She is blind, deaf, and confined to a wheel chair, but it is a long way into any conversation with him that you find that out and then only because you become a little confused and start to ask questions. Mr. B. doesn’t talk about the handicap; instead he talks about how his daughter has blessed his life and the life of his family. He stresses how she brings out the best in other people. He talks about the incredible experiences they have had traveling with her and the people they’ve met because of her handicap—how people are drawn to her.

As the evening wore on and I began to see the whole picture, that the “angel” he was talking about still wore diapers, had to be fed, couldn’t communicate with language, etc. I was amazed. Never once did he come even close to a complaint or a disparaging word. Instead he chuckled as he told us how they had learned to communicate, marveled over all he had learned from the experience, and with as much love and pride as a father whose daughter had just been crowned Miss America showed us pictures of how surgeries had lifted the bone structure of her face and changed her appearance.

I came away from our evening together so uplifted and touched. Newspapers are full of all that is wrong in our world, but Friday night I experienced all that is good and beautiful in human beings. I tasted heaven.

The Power of Positives

You are all familiar with the verse in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” It is so true. Many an argument can be averted if one party resorts to soft words. But there is a principle behind these words that extends the wisdom of this verse to so many other areas of our lives. The principle is that given enough time a positive will always overcome a negative. By positive I mean the good things such as kindness, love, hope, generosity, empathy, and consideration. By negative I mean the bad things such as hate, envy, anger, and unkindness.

The thing that confuses us is that often we resort to negative responses because they seem to work faster. If we yell loud enough or are angry enough we intimidate others into doing what we want them to do faster. But if you’ve ever had someone make you do something by yelling or getting angry at you, you know that while you may do what they want, you don’t feel good about it. Their actions generate bad feelings in you. In essence the rule is that negatives generate more negatives. While using a negative may get immediate results eventually the negative feelings will come out in negative ways.

But if we take the time to use love, gentleness, and kindness it may take more time but it creates positive feelings in both parties. If we use our imagination and are patient, we can find positive ways to deal with any problem. The very best example of the principle “If given enough time a positive will overcome a negative” is the Atonement. Eventually the Atonement (the most positive thing that has ever happened) will overcome all negatives (sin, death, disease, sorrow, hurt, etc.).

So take time to find a positive response to any situation and see what happens in your life!

"Whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward" (D&C 6:33.

Turn On The Good!

One of the most amazing things about this beautiful world is how much good there is in it. Any where you look you can find beauty and goodness and wonder. I know if you listen to the political talk shows or read the newspaper it sometimes convinces you otherwise, but there is so much good in life that no one is talking about or noticing and that is a shame.

There is an old story of a young girl who is afraid of the dark. Knowing this her grandmother always tucked her in bed and turned on a nightlight to keep her company while she slept. But one day the grandmother died and the young girl went to bed early crying over the loss of her grandmother. As she laid in her bed crying the dark came and added to her sorrow. Her sorrow turned into fright and she sobbed violently. “Go away dark!” she pleaded through her tears. “I don’t like you. Go away and never come back. I hate you!” But the dark just got darker and darker.

“Go away!” the girl cried again, and suddenly a deep, dark voice bellowed through the room, “You can’t fight the dark! Dark is dark and will always be dark.”

“No!” the girl cried louder and sobbed harder. “No, go away!” But as she spoke a soft, quiet voice that sounded a lot like her grandmother's whispered, “Just turn on the light.” Taking courage, the girl climbed from her bed, switched on the light,and the dark disappeared. “It is true; you can’t fight the dark,” the quiet voice whispered. “But dark can’t exist where there is light.”

Likewise when we dwell on and fight the negative things of life, we often create more negative. But when we dwell on the good and positive in life, we fill our lives with good so there is no room for the negative. So turn on the good!

The fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth. (Eph. 5:9).

Affirmative Thinking

When trying to overcome negative feelings we need to understand how the mind works. The mind does not compute “don’t.” When we tell ourselves things like, “Don’t hurt!” or “Don’t eat that!” or “Don’t hold this grudge!” it doesn’t work because the mind only calculates “do.” Try imagining not eating that donut. Just my mentioning this made you see yourself eating the donut. You may have imagined setting it down after a bit, but you first imagine eating it. You simply can’t imagine not doing something. A wise friend once told me never to say to a newly licensed, teenage driver as she backs out of the driveway, “Don’t hit the mailbox” because as soon as you say it, the mental picture of hitting the mailbox pops into her head, and the next thing you know a dented car hovers over a fallen mailbox while you try to console the hysterical driver.

So as we try to redirect our behavior or to overcome negative feelings, the most important thing we can do is replace the negative thought with a positive thought. “I eat healthy foods.” “I feel good.” “I forgive him.” As we come to understand this principle we realize that our negative and positive thoughts and feelings are powerful. But the most important thing to realize is that when given enough time, the positives always have power over the negatives. The prime example of that is the Atonement, the most positive event of all time which will eventually overcome all negatives. But remember, positive encouragement takes time. A forceful, manipulative, negative approach to get someone to do what you want them to do may intimidate them into doing it faster, but it will always generate negative feelings in the other person that can fester and cause more problems—usually worse problems. On the other hand, a positive, loving approach may take more time, but it will last and generate positive feelings in the other person and in yourself.

Keeping your self-talk positive can help you conquer and avoid unnecessary pain, and being affirmative with others can strengthen relationships.

Positive Power

Shortly before Lehi dies he teaches his son Jacob a beautiful lesson on justice and agency. (see 2 Nephi 2) One of the important things Lehi tells Jacob is that "It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass" (2 Nephi 2:11). We often hear the first part about opposition in everything being necessary and focus on the fact that this world contains many negative elements. But the next phrase is important and we don't often hear it or stop to contemplate its meaning—that if there were no opposition there could be no righteousness.

There are several things implied here, but one is the fact that it is through opposites that we have the power to dispel evil. And what do I mean by that? Well, too often in life when trying to overcome a bad habit or repent of a sin we focus on what we don't want to happen. For example, when trying to lose weight we say to ourselves, "Don't eat." But that only puts the mental picture of eating in our heads. The mind can't imagine don't. The mind can only imagine do. A friend once told me never to say to a new teenage driver as she backs out of the driveway, "Don't hit the mailbox" because as soon as you say it, the picture of hitting the mailbox is in her head and the next thing you know a dented car hovers over a fallen mailbox while you try to console the hysterical child.

These opposities, the negatives and the positives of life, are powerful. But the most important thing to realize is that the positives have power over the negatives. When we learn to think in positives, act in positives, and deal with others in positives we bring about righteousness and avoid much pain and suffering in life. "Drive straight out the driveway!" is a positive that avoids the mental picture of hitting the mailbox. "I eat healthy," helps a dieter stay on track. Affirmative thinking is powerful.

But there is more. The only way to overcome negatives is to replace them with positives. The only way to make darkness go away is to replace it with light. It does no good to fight the dark or even say, "Go away dark." Instead you simply let in the light. Opposition can bring about righteousness if instead of fighting against the negatives of life, we ignore them, identify their opposite, and fill our lives with the positives.

The statement that there is opposition in all things means that for every bad thing there is something good. Look for it! Dwell on it! Enjoy!