More On Vexing

The Vexed Man by Franz Xaver Messerschmidt

Almost everyone I've ever asked has had a similar thought come to them at one point in their life or another. It's about color, and the thought is that when you and I are looking at what is to me the color red do we see the same thing or is what you call blue red to me?

It is a strange thought, but one most of us contemplate and for a good reason. What the question is really about is, "Do we all experience the same reality?" Even if we all see the same red, the answer to the underlying question is a resounding, "NO!" We do not all experience the same reality. Each of us interprets and gives meaning to the things around us and that is what creates our reality.

So what does this have to do with vexation?

When we realize we are creating the reality we also realize we can change it. At first it is difficult because we are used to thinking that vexation is imposed upon us by the circumstances in our lives. But vexation isn't imposed it is created by the way we think about our circumstances. For example the vexing thought, "She is driving me crazy!" is an interpretation that is really, "I'm letting her drive me crazy!" The thought, "He shouldn't do that!" when analyzed in Truth becomes, "He did that so now what do I do? Fix it or live with it?"

Thus the first step to ridding ourselves of Unnecessary Pain is to admit that we are causing it, and then rejoicing in the fact that if we are causing it we also have the power to stop it.

The Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Before we can discuss how to avoid Unnecessary Pain we need to discuss Truth.

When we read the word Truth in scripture most of us think it is referring to the principles and doctrines taught in the scriptures. But the definition of Truth we find in the scriptures is,

“Truth is knowledge of things as they are, 

and as they were, 

and as they are to come” 

(D&C 93:24). 

This is similar to the Merriam-Webster On-line Dictionary which defines Truth as:

(1) The state of being the case. 

(2) The body of real things, events, and facts.

 (3) A transcendent fundamental or spiritual reality. 

Synonyms are: fact, verity, actuality, reality. 

Certainly the principles of the gospel fit this definition; they are what is, was and will be. They are the “body of real things, events, and facts.” But “the state of being the case” in this mortal world also means that war, accidents, death, disease, disappointment, distress, fear, natural disasters and so many other negative things are the truth. They are reality.

Living in Truth, then, means living the principles of the gospel and accepting the fact that in this telestial world there are going to be thorns, thistles, and weeds. Death, disease, accidents, and wars, are going to occur. People are going to say and do things you don’t like. Things are going to happen to you that hurt. That is what is. That is the Truth.

Whenever we are faced with Truth, we have two choices. We can fix it or live with it. If there is something we can do to fix it, we should. We can pull up the weeds or cut off the thorns or we can live with them. If we start to feel victimized because there are weeds in our lives, if we start to think that those weeds shouldn’t be there, we are fighting against Truth and when you fight against Truth you always lose. Thus whenever you find yourself saying things like, “She shouldn’t have said that to me,” or “He should be more considerate of my feelings,” you have left the realm of Truth. When we think about what has happened—the Truth—in terms of should or shouldn’t have we are no longer dealing in Truth--we are dealing with illusion. Remember the truth is what happened—the verity or reality. That reality is what we have to deal with, not what should have happened, and when we stick to the Truth amazing changes happen in our lives.

That's what Living in Truth is all about.

The Real You

The nature of our personal existence in this telestial world is that there are two parts to each of us. The temporal part that is our body and the spiritual part which is our spirit. Part of the test of mortality is to determine which one of those "selves" we are going to consider our real self. The temporal part of us is influenced by the circumstances, ideas, and situations around us. The spiritual part of us is influenced by the Spirit and the teachings of the Savior communicated to us through scripture, prophets, and teachers.

Along the path of life each of us begins to define ourselves in certain ways. In doing this we think things like "I am a procrastinator," "I am a caring person," "I am a person who eats too much," "I am a perfect housekeeper,"  "I am a sickly," "I am sensitive," and many other things. But look at those things. Most of them have to do with the temporal self. But the temporal self is by nature temporary and therefore can't be the real self. The real self is the lasting, eternal, spiritual self and to define ourselves with anything but our spiritual self is a mistake.

In Buddhist teachings the temporal self is considered the constructed sense of self and it can undermine our happiness. It is self-destructive and gets in the way of us finding our highest potential.

So when we start to think, "I am . . ." stop and ask yourself is that true? Is that the real, lasting, spiritual me or is it the temporal, temporary me? That's the only way to discover who we really are.

Dizzy in Disneyland!

I’m back! We spent the last few days in Disneyland in the rain. I haven’t been to Disneyland since 1991, and to be honest it isn’t my favorite place, but going with grandkids makes all the difference in the world even with the rain. Watching their faces glow with delight at the sight of Mickey Mouse or a Jedi is worth the admission price! I love how Disney has made things unreal so real! It truly is magic. 

It made me think about reality. We’ve all had the experience of sitting in a vehicle when the vehicle next to us begins to move and for a few seconds it is impossible to tell if we are moving, if the other vehicle is moving, or if both vehicles are moving. In other words, our senses are not always reliable. But we live in a world that claims you can’t know anything unless your senses can verify it. Disneyland turns that assumption upside down. It verifies the fact that we all create our own reality and that reality can be altered and adjusted and toyed with.

I think this is an especially important fact for parents to remember. There are days when we go to bed so discouraged. Our senses tell us we are moving backwards and doing more harm than good. While attending to one child’s needs, another child’s needs go unmet even though we’ve working ourselves silly trying to meet everyone’s needs. But chine up! Courage take! The reality of the situation is that there is more than meets the eye (or any of the other senses!). The Spirit is working in ways we can’t see to help us and to make up for our lack of ability and resources. The reality is that we are moving forward despite the illusion that we are moving backward! 

I’ve decided that Disneyland may be the best spot on earth to determine what reality really is!

Holding Fast to the Iron Rod

In my Book of Mormon class a few weeks ago we were talking about the dream of the Tree of Life and while discussing the Rod of Iron I mentioned that it is possible to fall off the straight and narrow path on the left or on the right meaning that it isn’t just liberal ideas that can lead us astray, but also ultra conservative ideas. The truth is in the middle.

At that point one of my students asked for examples of falling off the path on the right. I gave him several but just a few days later heard of an amazing example of this. A woman who was concerned with the words to some of the songs her children were listening to started to research on the Internet the singers and their music. Her concern was, of course, to protect her children. But the pursuit began to consume her. She spent hours and hours on-line digging up dirt about how evil the singers were and the hidden messages in the words to their songs. She had evil connotations and meanings most of the songs ever written. Her intent was good, but in so doing all this research, she was drowning herself and filling her mind with all the dirt.

Yes, it is important that we identify evil enough to avoid it. But to spend hours researching it only submerges us in the evil. It reminded me of my growing up during the John Birch era when people were finding evil everywhere and in everything. I once overheard a friend of my mother’s telling her about the evil connotations hidden in the nursery rhyme, “Humpty Dumpty.” Well, to me there were no evil connotations until she put them there. Her intent to help my mother avoid evil only created evil.

This takes us back to the concept that we create our own reality. We can center our minds on the simple fun contained in the rhythm and rhyme of a nursery rhyme and enjoy it every time we hear it, or we can research and assign all kinds of evil connotations to the poem so that every time we hear it we are filled with evil thoughts. As President Monson advised us this last weekend, I’d rather look for, remember, and enjoy the good. That's one of the ways we hold firm to the Iron Rod.

The Best is Coming

It’s a mystical day in my neighborhood. Instead of covering the mountains wispy clouds ring the mountains leaving the tops towering majestically above the gauzy rings. It makes them look more noble and majestic than usual. It gives me the feeling that at any moment something absolutely magical is going to happen. I like that feeling. It’s the same feeling expressed by the words, “The best is yet to come.” Expecting that best in every moment and then looking for it and savoring it makes life so rich and beautiful.

I had a Spanish professor in college years ago that on the last day of class showed us a Spanish movie. It was all about the dark side of life and everything horrible that exists on the earth. I walked out early, but I asked him later why he showed such a movie and he replied, “It is reality. Those things are life.”

I felt sorry for him. What he didn’t realize is that we all choose our own reality. That movie was not my reality (not even close to my reality!) nor was it his reality. It was a reality invented by a writer and a director. Bad things do happen, but how we react to them creates the reality. We can constantly think about the bad and decide that all of life is like that or we can realize that there is opposition in all things and that for every bad thing there is a good. We can cling to God in bad times and let Him mitigate the bad or we can buy into the adversary’s propaganda that this is how life is.

When we believe in Jesus Christ we believe in a Savior. A Savior is a “saver.” He saves us from the negative realities of pain and death. thus, when you believe in Jesus Christ you know that the best is always on its way.