A Lesson From Swedish Fish

Yesterday my daughter, Mariah, made me the best birthday dinner. She went to a lot of trouble and made all my favorite things. Kirsha and Meleah helped in the preparation and everyone (within driving distance!) gathered at Mariah's house. There were twenty four of us and we had a wonderful evening together.

I knew we would be gathering and so I saved everyone's Valentine's for the party and after dinner I gave them out. My four-year-old grandson, George, got one of the boxes of Swedish Fish and was very excited, but a few minutes later he was having a terrible tantrum. I went in to see what was the matter and his mother was just getting him calmed down enough to tell her. Between great sobs we finally heard, "Adults aren't supposed to eat the fish." Sitting on the couch was the culprit, his father who had innocently eaten ONE of the Swedish Fish.

I couldn't help but chuckle, but I wasn't laughing at George or his father or Swedish Fish. Instead I was thinking about all the times I've brought that kind of tantrum-inspired pain upon myself because I didn't think what happened should have happened.

When watching a child have a tantrum it is so easy to identify how absurd it all is. But we as adults do the same thing. We have our own tantrums and cause ourselves so much pain for the most inconsequential things even though we are old enough to know better. I'm going to store this memory up and remind myself often that most of the things I get upset about don't really matter at all! But most important, I'm going to remember what George taught me;

"Adults aren't supposed to eat the fish (make that Should Sharks!)."

Suffering

While I've been sick I've had a lot of time to think. There wasn't much else I could do. And one of the things my mind kept returning to is the idea of Should Sharks. At first I could feel them swimming about in my head waiting to bite, but happily I kept them at bay. Something I haven't been able to always do in the past and to see my own progress made me happy. It takes time to learn to use the Truth Tools and to make them work for us, so I'm celebrating the victory.

But there was something more. One of the most insidious things Should Sharks inflict upon us is when our desires are righteous. In those times the Should Sharks often bite and bite hard. But as I lay in my bed thinking about all the prophets and about Jesus Christ I was amazed at how everyone of them could have been completely eaten alive by Should Sharks, but one of the marks of a prophet and the Savior is they never let Should Sharks bite even when the most righteous intentions go wrong.

Those who never marry, those who wish with all their hearts for children but can't conceive, those trying valiantly to raise righteous children who won't listen, those doing all in their power to preserve a faltering marriage will experience swarms of Should Sharks. After all, we should be able to marry, to have children, to raise righteous children, to make our marriages work, shouldn't we? BUT, and this is a very big BUT, we live in a telestial world and there are no guarantees in a telestial world.

For some reason suffering is necessary in a telestial world and the lives of prophets and the Savior testify to that. Joseph and Emma shouldn't have lost five of their children. Friends shouldn't have betrayed Joseph. Joseph shouldn't have been killed by mobs, and we could go on and on about the Should Sharks in Joseph's life and every single other prophet.More than that, Jesus Christ shouldn't have been betrayed by one of His disciples. His friends shouldn't have fallen asleep when he asked them to wait for Him in the garden. And especially, Jesus Christ shouldn't have had to suffer for my sins.

The big danger with these kinds of Should Sharks is that along with the vexing thought that what is happening shouldn't be happening, we usually begin to feel unworthy, unloved, and forgotten by God. But the simple fact that we have been called upon to suffer for very righteous reasons has absolutely no bearing upon how much God loves us. God loves the childless, the unmarried, the struggling parent, the hurting spouse and that love should never be doubted. The fact that we suffer is not an indication of God's love. Instead we should remember that we are loved and that our suffering puts us in the same category as all the saints, prophets, and although not nearly to the same degree, it makes us more like Jesus Christ.

Shooting Down the Should Sharks

We have season tickets to a local theater and love going to the plays with some friends. For years I've called this couple before the run of the play, determined when we could all go together, and then made our reservation. But the other day I got a text from them saying they had made their reservation for the next play and if we wanted to come with them this was the time they were going. Well, the time was a weekday matinee when Mr. J works and so we couldn't go. As I read the message I began to feel the vexation rising in me. "They know Mr. J works and can't go at that time. They shouldn't have done that. They must be trying to get out of going with us. That was rude after all these years that I've taken the time to include and even do the reserving for them. They must not want to be friends with us anymore." (Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! You get the idea!)

As those Should Sharks began to swim through my mind, I realized what I was doing and that it would not accomplish one single good thing. All those Should Sharks would do is cause me pain, and so I changed the story I was telling myself to, "Since they are both retired they must have forgotten that Mr. J is still working. They just didn't think about it. And even if they did think about it and don't want to go to the plays with us anymore, then I don't want to be hanging on to our relationship if they no longer enjoy our company. Everything is fine."

Granted, this is a small, inconsequential problem, but it illustrates how we create meaning out of the things that happen to us. Something happens and we begin to tell ourselves a story. The simple Truth is that they reserved tickets at a time we couldn't go. Why? I have no idea, and by making up a negative story I cause myself Unnecessary Pain. All I have to do is deal with the simple Truth. In this case I decided to live with it, and reserved our tickets at a time we could go. No pain. No vexation. No Should Sharks because I invented no story. (Or at least I didn't cling to the story I had begun to tell myself!)

Vexation

We've all had the experience of being in a traffic jam, or at a store in a long line waiting to check out and feeling an impatience that begins to churn into anger. "This should be taking so long!" or "Why does this happen on the days when I'm in such a hurry?" or other negative thoughts begin to cause us all kinds of vexation. Vexation is the warning. Vexation is to the spirit what a temperature is to the body. It means, "Something is wrong here."

Left unattended vexation causes more harm to the spirit, just as a fever left unattended can cause damage to the brain and body. Therefore we need to stop when we feel vexation and ask ourselves what is causing it.

For example in the long line as you begin to get upset because the clerk is taking so long, you ask, "Why am I feeling vexed?"

The answer, "Because the clerk is taking so long."

Then you ask, "Can I fix that or do I have to live with it?"

You can't fix it, so to escape Unnecessary Pain, you have to live with it. You take what comes and love it. And how do you do that? We'll be exploring the Truth Tools which help us deal with what comes, but one of the things you can do right then to help you calm down is to ask yourself what Should Shark is preying on you. What is it you think should be happening? The clerk should be faster. The store should have more check out lines. The manager should come help. What ever you are thinking is an expectation--a Should Shark--but it is not the reality or verity of what IS happening. It is not Truth. The only way to get rid of the vexation that is causing you pain, is to let go of the expectation and find a way to deal with the Truth.

You can stand in the line and be in pain, or you can let go of the expectation and stand in the line in peace. The choice is yours and it is that easy.

Avoid the Should Sharks

As in all things Jesus Christ is our example. He shows us how to Live in Truth and in many instances His example is so profound it brings me to my tears. One of those experiences occurs the night the Savior was taken from the Garden of Gethsemane and tried for being the Son of God. 

Living in Truth means that we deal with the Truth or verity of what confronts us and not with what we think should be happening or what should not be happening. Trying to deal with what should be is like boxing with an invisible opponent. You can swing, curse, kick, jab, and punch, but you are never going to hit anything.

So what has this to do with the night the Savior was tried? That night the Lord went to the Garden to pray and asked three of His closest friends and associates, Peter, James, and John, to watch with Him. Then he walked away, knelt, and prayed. When He returned to His friends instead of watching, they had fallen asleep. Shortly after that a mob of hundreds of soldiers and other men approached and another friend, one of His apostles, betrayed Him with, of all things, a kiss. About this time most of us would have been deep in the Pit of Illusion with thoughts such as, "Peter, James, and John shouldn't be asleep. They should have done what I asked. They are supposed to be helping me." And later, "Judas shouldn't betray me. He's supposed to support and help me. And especially he shouldn't betray me with a token of affection." And beyond that, "These men shouldn't be accusing me of crimes I didn't commit.  Here I am trying to save their eternal lives and they want me dead! They shouldn't be doing this."

If at any time in the history of mankind, should and shouldn't thinking was warranted it was that night. But Jesus never sank into the Pit of Illusion with this kind of thinking. Instead He stayed with the reality or verity of what was happening, and dealt with the Truth. And what is happening? Peter in an impetuous attempt to defend the Savior has cut off the ear of a servant of the High Priest. Not burdened by what should be or what should not be, not worried about Himself or what is about to happen, the Savior sees the need of another and reaches out and compassionately heals the man.

The reason we fall into the Pit of Illusion is because we let what I call the Should Sharks take over our lives. The Savior never did that. He always Lived in Truth. He dealt with verity--the Truth. Likewise we eliminate a great deal of pain--all the Unnecessary Pain--from our lives when we stop letting the Should Sharks prey on us and instead deal with the simple Truth.

Albert Einstein once said, 

"A man should look for what is, 

and not for what he thinks should be" 

That is great advice.

Should Sharks and Christmas

I've been reading the gospels of the New Testament in preparation for Christmas and my heart is full to overflowing. On every page the Savior teaches me more about what it means to Live in Truth, and the reality of what His birth means to me sinks deeper into my soul.

This time through I've been amazed once more at how the Savior never lets the Should Sharks prey on Him.

The best example of this is the night of his trial. Peter, James and John should have stayed awake and watched over Him. Judas shouldn’t have betrayed Him especially with a token of affection such as a kiss. Soldiers shouldn’t have arrested Him when He had not committed any crime. But those Should Sharks, never concerned Jesus. Instead of being vexed with illusion which always turns us inward and fills us with self-pity, Jesus dealt with the verity of each moment, and continued to turn outward and serve others by restoring Malchus’s ear after Peter had cut it off.

I have put up my tree, but I haven't shopped for gifts or t started baking, but my heart is fulll of Christmas.

A Story of Living in Truth

In the last General Conference President Monson shared a story that teaches us so much about Living in Truth. He told of a cold, winter night when the temperature had dropped to 27 degrees below freezing. He and his wife had driven to their summer home in Midway to check to make sure everything was holding up in the exceptionally cold weather. The home was fine and they started back to Salt Lake City when their car stalled. Unable to get it going again, Pres. Monson and his wife began to walk back. Several cars passed them without offering to help, but finally a young man stopped to assist them.

This is where Living in Truth comes in. The simple truth was that they were stranded and had to walk in the cold. At that point they could have been attacked by Should Sharks such as, "This shouldn't be happening to me. I've sacrificed everything for God and now He let's this happen to me. He should be protecting me. He should give me a miracle and start my car." or "These people that are passing by should stop and help me." In a situation like this Should Sharks are everywhere. But President Monson didn't give in to them. How do I know? Because of what happened next.

When we give into Should Sharks and tumble ourselves into the Pit of Illusion we create so much mental static it becomes very difficult to hear the still small voice of the Spirit. But as the young man assisted them, Pres. Monson was receiving and acting upon the inspiration of the Spirit. (That's how I know he didn't pay any attention to the Should Sharks.) Pres. Monson asked the young man about a mission. He sent him a book with information about missions underlined. He followed up showing love and concern and eventually the young man accepted a call to the very mission that Pres. had once presided over.

Instead of seeing the experience of that cold, winter night as great adversity inflicted by an uncaring God, President Monson recognized it as an opportunity to serve and did as the Spirit directed.

When we Live in Truth--live with what is without being vexed by it--we open up all kinds of opportunities to serve others and bless our own lives.

Dispelling the "Should Sharks"

After yesterday’s warning about the dangers of swimming in Should Shark infested waters, learning how to clear the waters and avoid the danger is important. First, we need to confront the Should Shark by asking a simple question: “Is it true?”

For example, the thought assails you, “This shouldn’t be happening to me!” And you ask, “Is that true?” No. The truth, the verity, of the situation is that it is happening. That is what is. That is the truth. Thinking it shouldn’t happen will not change anything. All Should Sharks do is inflict pain—unnecessary pain.

Once you accept the fact that what happened happened the Should Shark vanishes, and you are free to then ask, “So how do I deal with what is happening in a healthy way?”

Once the Should Shark is gone, the unnecessary pain leaves, the unproductive negative mental chatter stops, and you are able to access and respond to the Spirit that directs and helps you navigate a happy life.

Questioning the truth of a Should Shark is like using a harpoon on a real shark. It saves us from a lot of pain.

Watch Out For "Should Sharks"

Yes, watch out for the "Should Sharks"!

One of the adversaries greatest tricks that pushes us into the Pit of Illusion is to send "shoulds" to prey upon us like circling sharks whenever we experience adversity.  These "Should Sharks" don't bite physically, instead they stab the idea into your head that, “This shouldn’t be happening to you. You keep the commandments and are doing everything you should be doing. You shouldn’t be experiencing this!” This thought is often followed by a thought about the guy down the street who shouldn't be so blessed because he water skis on Sundays and doesn’t pay tithing so he can afford a boat.

But I’ve searched the scriptures, and no place can I find anything that promises that if you keep the commandments you will have no problems--no trials, no adversity. Instead I found a wonderful parable of a man who built his house without a solid foundation and when the flood came the house was washed away. Jesus compared this compared this to a man who built his house upon a solid foundation of rock and when theflood came his house stood firm.(see Luke 6:48-49.)

Notice that the devastating flood deluges both homes, but the home built upon a solid foundation of obedience and gospel principles withstands the storm while the home on the sandy foundation of pride and selfishness crumbles when the waters roar by.

Life with all its ups and downs happens. After all, ups and downs are what mortal life is all about. Gospel living isn’t a preventative measure that keeps life from happening; gospel living is insurance that we will endure despite the floods and down times.