Shooting Down the Should Sharks

We have season tickets to a local theater and love going to the plays with some friends. For years I've called this couple before the run of the play, determined when we could all go together, and then made our reservation. But the other day I got a text from them saying they had made their reservation for the next play and if we wanted to come with them this was the time they were going. Well, the time was a weekday matinee when Mr. J works and so we couldn't go. As I read the message I began to feel the vexation rising in me. "They know Mr. J works and can't go at that time. They shouldn't have done that. They must be trying to get out of going with us. That was rude after all these years that I've taken the time to include and even do the reserving for them. They must not want to be friends with us anymore." (Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! You get the idea!)

As those Should Sharks began to swim through my mind, I realized what I was doing and that it would not accomplish one single good thing. All those Should Sharks would do is cause me pain, and so I changed the story I was telling myself to, "Since they are both retired they must have forgotten that Mr. J is still working. They just didn't think about it. And even if they did think about it and don't want to go to the plays with us anymore, then I don't want to be hanging on to our relationship if they no longer enjoy our company. Everything is fine."

Granted, this is a small, inconsequential problem, but it illustrates how we create meaning out of the things that happen to us. Something happens and we begin to tell ourselves a story. The simple Truth is that they reserved tickets at a time we couldn't go. Why? I have no idea, and by making up a negative story I cause myself Unnecessary Pain. All I have to do is deal with the simple Truth. In this case I decided to live with it, and reserved our tickets at a time we could go. No pain. No vexation. No Should Sharks because I invented no story. (Or at least I didn't cling to the story I had begun to tell myself!)

More On Vexing

The Vexed Man by Franz Xaver Messerschmidt

Almost everyone I've ever asked has had a similar thought come to them at one point in their life or another. It's about color, and the thought is that when you and I are looking at what is to me the color red do we see the same thing or is what you call blue red to me?

It is a strange thought, but one most of us contemplate and for a good reason. What the question is really about is, "Do we all experience the same reality?" Even if we all see the same red, the answer to the underlying question is a resounding, "NO!" We do not all experience the same reality. Each of us interprets and gives meaning to the things around us and that is what creates our reality.

So what does this have to do with vexation?

When we realize we are creating the reality we also realize we can change it. At first it is difficult because we are used to thinking that vexation is imposed upon us by the circumstances in our lives. But vexation isn't imposed it is created by the way we think about our circumstances. For example the vexing thought, "She is driving me crazy!" is an interpretation that is really, "I'm letting her drive me crazy!" The thought, "He shouldn't do that!" when analyzed in Truth becomes, "He did that so now what do I do? Fix it or live with it?"

Thus the first step to ridding ourselves of Unnecessary Pain is to admit that we are causing it, and then rejoicing in the fact that if we are causing it we also have the power to stop it.

The Pit of Illusion

As we've talked about the last few days, Living in Truth means living with what is, what was or what will be, or in other words accepting the verities of life. The opposite is living in Illusion which is living with what is not, or in other words expecting life to be different than what it is. When we live in Illusion it always feels like we’ve falled into a Pit and thus I call it the Pit of Illusion. That deep, dark Pit has some symptoms that we should all be aware of because recognizing them helps us know we are inflicting Unnecessary Pain upon ourselves. Remember, it is always possible to get out of the Pit and out of the pain. Falling into the Pit is a choice and therefore climbing out is also a choice. Therefore, the symptoms of the Pit are like a fever, they warn us that something needs to be done to cure the symptoms and change the course we are on.

Here are the symptoms:

(     1) When in the Pit of Illusion there is no light. I’m not talking about visible light, but we feel darkness and all the negative, vexing feelings that go along with heavy, depressing darkness.

(     2) When we are in the Pit we feel alone and separate from everyone around us. We feel friendless and unloved.

(     3) When we are in the Pit negative emotions overwhelm us so that we feel helpless. It seems that nothing we do will help.

(     4) When we are in the Pit we feel like God has abandoned us. The truth is that God always dwells and is found in Truth, therefore we are the ones who have removed ourselves from God. He is the God of Truth and so when we are in the Pit it makes it very difficult to hear and feel the promptings of His Spirit.

When we feel any or all of these symptoms it is time to examine what we are thinking and ask ourselves, "Is this true?" If the answer to that question is yes then we have two choices, "Fix it, or Live with it." If the answer is no, then all we have to do to eliminate the Unnecessary Pain is drop the thought. Remember, there is always a way out of the Pit of Illusion!

Unnecessary Pain

I had a neighbor once who left the Church because her father, who was in his 70's, died. She said to me one day, "How can I believe in a God who would take a father away from a daughter who needs him?" But more than just leaving her faith, this woman suffered measurably because of the death of her father. She was distraught. She suffered depression. She became bitter which estranged her from friends and others close to her. It was a terrible thing to watch happen especially when I could see how simple it would be for her to be out of the pain she was causing herself. She was suffering Unnecessary Pain.

Unnecessary Pain is self-inflicted and comes from four sources:
1.Misuse of agency.
        Our own hearts will tell us what we should do concerning right and wrong, and if we go against what our heart tells us our conscience is pricked and we will suffer guilt and usually much greater pain. As much as some people try, none of us can go against our own conscience is telling us to do and feel good.
2. Fighting against the truth of a telestial world.
        Whenever we fight against the reality or verity of a telestial world we experience Unnecessary Pain. This is what my neighbor experienced. Death is a part of a telestial world. Everyone will eventually experience it. Whether it comes early or late there is nothing we can do about it and so when we get angry or depressed or vexed in any way about it we only cause ourselves pain.  Anytime we find ourselves thinking things like: “This shouldn’t be happening to me. I shouldn't have fallen and broken my arm. He shouldn’t have done that to me. She should have said that to me. Why is God doing this or allowing this?” We are creating Unnecessary Pain.
3. Trying to avoid Necessary Pain.
         Whenever we try to avoid the Necessary Pain we will experience Unnecessary Pain. Learning to walk (or learning anything!) required a certain amount of Necessary Pain. But if we refuse to learn and continue to crawl around on all fours we are only going to create pain, but it is Unnecessary Pain because it could be avoided by simply passing through the Necessary Pain of learning. Spiritual growth, physical growth, intellectual growth all require a certain  amount of pain, but if we try to avoid it we cause ourselves more pain and this pain is unnecessary. There is a great irony here. We are in pain either way, but the Unnecessary Pain accomplishes nothing.
4. Denying Christ.
         How do we do that? By feeling like we have to do it all ourselves. By feeling like we can never be forgiven no matter how sincerely we have repented. By comparing ourselves to others and trying to be like them instead of discovering what God wants us to do and be. By thinking we’ll never be good enough. In short, by not trusting that Jesus Christ will do what He has said He will do for us. He has promised to recompense us for every and any injustice we have ever experienced and to pay the price for all our sins and mistakes. What more could we ask for?

All we have to do to get rid of Unnecessary Pain 

is to let go of it. 

It is that easy!

Necessary Pain

I made it through the day yesterday without cutting open any more fingers, but Mr. J is suffering from a cold. In the 45 years we have been married this is only about the fifth cold he has ever had so he isn't used to this sickness thing. But I'm proud of him, he is handling it like a man. I hope you suffered no pain yesterday, but if you did I hope you also endured it well because there are blessings that come from enduring Necessary Pain well.

Necessary Pain is caused by:
(1) Natural events that occur in a telestial world.
          In a telestial world there is disease, accidents, and all kinds of natural disasters and  conditions that cause pain. If you fall and break your leg there will be pain, and once it has happened there is nothing you can do about it  except endure the pain well.
(2) Spiritual growth always entails necessary pain.
          The process of spiritual growth is called in the scriptures being "born again." Birth entails pain.  In addition, as we grow spiritually, the Spirit often pushes us right out of our comfort zone and into situations that are uncomfortable and stressful. But all of this pain helps us to grow closer to our Father in Heaven.
(3) Often when others misuse their agency it causes us pain.
          We sorrow over loved ones who have strayed. Some people are hurt when a drunk driver hits them or some are hurt by attackers. In time of war, innocent people always suffer, but once the pain is inflicted there is nothing we can do but pass through it.
(4) Repentance requires pain.
          There is a certain amount of sorrow for our sins and heartfelt anguish that the scriptures describe as having a "broken heart and contrite spirit" that must be endured if we are going to repent.

Hundreds of books have been written on why God let's us suffer pain, but they almost all boil down to two thoughts; pain can bring us closer to God, and it makes us grow stronger. But the most important thing to understand is that Jesus Christ has promised to help us through any and all Necessary Pain that we encounter in life. We never go through Necessary Pain alone unless we turn our back on God, and usually it is in those times of pain that we feel God's presence most powerfully in our lives.

58 Years of Pain Gone!

Two years ago after I presented the last class of the Living in Truth seminar at the Brigham Young University Campus Education Week, several people came up to talk to me and as I spoke to them I could see a man who had been in the audience all week standing at his seat without making any indication that he was leaving. I finished talking to all the people, gathered up my notes and computer and started out of the classroom, but he was still there. I smiled as I passed him, but he didn't say a word. Instead he handed me a folded piece of paper.

I thanked him but still he didn't seem to want to talk so I moved on. Once out to my car, I opened the note. Across the top in big letters it said, "Thank you!" Below that is a little smaller script it said, "Fifty-eight years of pain gone!" There was no signature or any other words on the paper, but it brought tears to my eyes--tears of joy.

Awhile later I received an email from his wife telling me about the change the principles of Living in Truth had made in her husband and even later he wrote to tell me his story. It was a beautiful story of letting go of the past and moving on. I treasure that first note and his story. As a matter of fact it hangs on the wall over my desk at work where I can see it often. That isn't the only letter or life Living in Truth has changed for the better, but I often don't get to hear the whole story like I did that time. I just get notes thanking me or brief messages explaining the peace and happiness that has been found, but to hear the whole story made this experience stick out in my memory.

I know what a difference Living in Truth has made in my life and it was such a joy to find that someone else had been helped by the principles.

I've written off and on on Good News! about the principles of Living in Truth, but as 2013 begins I want to take a more systematic approach by starting at the beginning and explaining what it means to Live in Truth and give examples and stories of those whose lives have changed for the better by simply learning to take what comes and love it!

I hope you'll help me spread the Good News! by inviting others to drop in and learn what it means to Live in Truth!

This is the year to find peace and joy!

A Little (Very LIttle!) Necessary Pain

What a strange week this has been. After falling down the stairs I was first told my foot was broken and then the next day told it wasn't, then yesterday I was told it is broken--a break on the tibia crown. I guess this confusion all means that it is such a small break it is difficult to detect. That is good.

The most important thing is that it isn't hurting much so that's all that matters. I don't like necessary pain and once again I'm being helped through it!

Getting to Pain Free

I've been going to physical therapy for some problems in my back and have been amazed at what I am learning. The therapist contorts my body in very painful ways to get the bones into the position they should be, but the muscles have been pulling in wrong directions for so long that while I'm working hard to keep my bones in the right places the muscles pull in the way they have for months--in wrong directions. What a battle I'm having with my muscles.

But this isn't so different than when we decide we are going to Live in Truth. We use the Truth Tools and learn all we can and practice, but the old habits of thinking pull us in wrong directions.

Part of what I'm learning is that any progress in life is going to require work and patience and diligence. But the work is worth it!

The Truth Test

I don’t know how I have missed explaining the Truth Test all this time, but a kind reader who had heard me speak about Living in Truth e-mailed me the other day to say she couldn’t find the Truth Test in past posts. The Truth Test is crucial to Living in Truth, but somehow I guess I’ve never talked about it on Good News! So today I’m going to rectify that.

The Truth Test is a powerful Truth Tool that works on daily frustrations but is extra powerful in healing deep seated pain such as what comes from abuse and traumatic experiences. It works best if you actually write out all that you feel (explain all the pain) and then also write the answers to the questions. Just thinking through the answers can be helpful for daily vexation, but the power for healing long existing pain comes from getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. If you don’t want anyone to read what you write, burn it after you write it. But WRITE it. I’ll explain more tomorrow, but for today here is the Truth Test.

THE TRUTH TEST

(c) 2011 Sherrie Mills Johnson

I feel _____________________________________________(i.e. sad, angry, jealous, hurt, resentful, offended, fearful, etc.) because __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

1. What is my expectation? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Is this expectation the truth and nothing but the truth in a mortal world? What is the truth? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Is this necessary or unnecessary pain? ______________________________________________________________________________

4. How would I feel if I stopped expecting this? ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. What is my heart (conscience, divine spirit, God) telling me to do right now? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sorrow--Necessary or Unnecessary Pain?

The most important reason to avoid Unnecessary Pain and to stay out of the Pit of Illusion is that when we are in the Pit we have removed ourselves from the Spirit. The Spirit resides in Truth. Therefore, when we leave the Realm of Truth and fall into the Pit of Illusion we make it very difficult to receive the promptings of the Spirit. Our negative mental chatter also makes it almost impossible to hear the still, small voice that will guide us back to Truth.

Mormon realized this when he was abridging the Book of Mormon. When recounting the story of Alma admonishing his people who had strayed from the Truth, he tells us that Alma “began to be very sorrowful; nevertheless the spirit of the Lord did not fail him”(Alma 4:15). The word nevertheless means “in spite of that.” And what we learn here is that Alma is experiencing negative emotions, but in spite of that the Spirit is with him.

The reason for this is that there are a few emotions that can be Necessary Pain or Unnecessary Pain and sorrow is one of them. The difference comes in what motivates the sorrow. Sorrow means “deep distress, sadness, or regret especially for the loss of someone or something loved.” But we often call any sadness sorrow.  Among other things, we experience the Necessary Pain of sorrow when a loved one dies or as in Alma’s case when we see those around us doing things we know are going to cause them eternal suffering. We experience the Unnecessary Pain of sorrow when we are sorry for ourselves in a self-pitying way or when the sorrow comes from thinking things should be different than what they are.

The Spirit will always help us through the Necessary sorrow of life, but we are on our own when we take on Unnecessary sorrow. Therefore, we should pay attention to our own emotions and learn to identify whether we are feeling Necessary or Unnecessary Pain. Then we trust in the Lord to help us through the Necessary sorrow, and learn to drop the Unnecessary sorrow. That way we Live in Truth and the joy that accompanies it.

Ministering Love

Whenever a person goes through something like what I am they hear stories. Many people tell you about their friend or family member who had a similar problem. Most of the time these stories convince me that my problems are very small compared to others. Everyone has trials. Everyone’s life is filled with adversity. No one makes it through life without many, many challenges. Some of those challenges are obvious—health challenges, accidents, disasters. But most of the time we experience private challenges that no one sees and so no one talks about them. Often we have no idea of the burden others carry around.

This has made me realize that we should approach everyone as if they are in some way hurting. In that way we can minister love, concern, and hope to others. We are more ready to forgive and refuse to take offense because we attribute what they say or do to the fact that they are hurting. If by some slim chance they aren’t hurting, they can still benefit from a little love, concern, and hope and we benefit from being compassionate!

Realizing that everyone has some challenge to bear even if we can’t see it also makes us less self-centered. This journey of life is filled with pain for everyone, but helping each other through the pain is one sure way to make our own pain more bearable.

Loving It!

I’ve received a lot of questions about the short-term memory loss the doctor told me to expect. The main question is how I can keep writing. Yes, I am experiencing short-term memory loss—but not as much as was expected. It is very strange. I think of something to ask the person I’m talking to and by the time they quit talking, I can’t remember the question. I do get up to do something and can’t remember what I am doing. I have to write down when I take my pills because there is no way I can remember that fact.

BUT. . . writing is recording the thought the moment it occurs so it is like writing down where I am going when I think of it so I can execute the instruction after I’ve forgotten the intent. I also have the help of spell checker because I often come to a word and can’t spell it. (But amazingly my fingers can type it even though I can’t tell you how to spell it until I see it!) It is all very perplexing, but I am so thankful I can still write. I’m also constantly amazed at what these bodies are capable of doing!

Today I visited the ophthalmologist (thank goodness for spell checker!) and when he saw I was reading he shook his head and said, “You are a miracle! At the beginning of this, if I had to bet my home on you being able to read at this point, I would have bet against you.”

My hair is prickly. The swelling is almost gone. The black eye went away quickly. The only problem now is that all this sleeping sitting up has caused major pain in my sciatic nerve that shoots all the way done my right leg. Ouch! But I’m not complaining. Come what may, and love it!! The pain means I’m still alive and feeling it!!! You’ve got to love that.