Out of the Pit

Living in Truth means living with what is, or in other words accepting the verities of life. The opposite is living in Illusion which is living with what is not, or in other words expecting life to be different than what it is. When we live in Illusion it always feels like we’ve falled into a Pit and thus I call it the Pit of Illusion. That deep, dark Pit has some symptoms that we should all be aware of because recognizing them helps us know we are inflicting pain upon ourselves. Remember, it is always possible to get out of the Pit and out of the pain. Falling into the Pit is a choice and therefore climbing out is also a choice. Therefore, the symptoms of the Pit are like a fever, they warn us that something needs to be done to cure the symptoms and change the course we are on.

Here are the symptoms:

(1) When in the Pit of Illusion there is no light. I’m not talking about visible light, but we feel darkness and all the negative, vexing feelings that go along with heavy, depressing darkness.

(2) When we are in the Pit we feel alone and separate from everyone around us. We feel friendless and unloved.

(3) When we are in the Pit negative emotions overwhelm us so that we feel helpless. It seems that nothing we do will help.

(4) When we are in the Pit we feel like God has abandoned us. The truth is that God always dwells and is found in Truth, therefore we are the ones who have removed ourselves from God. He is the God of Truth and so when we are in the Pit it makes it very difficult to hear and feel the promptings of His Spirit.

When we feel any or all of these symptoms it is time to pull out the Tool Box of Truth Tools and go to work. Remember, there is always a way out of the Pit of Illusion!

The Happiness Choice

Before you read anything else stop and ask yourself the question:

 "What do I need so I can be happier?" 

Think about it carefully, and write your answer down.

 Now you can go on.

Most of us answer the happiness question with something like, a new job, more money, a better boss, more free time, a new home, or a better relationship with my spouse. But all of those things are about life circumstances and research has shown that only 10% of our happiness is determined by circumstances. Another 50% is determined by our happiness set-point which is determined by our genetic make-up and hereditary training. In other words, how our brain is wired and how we have been programed to think by the people who raised us. The most important factor in this research is that 40% of our happiness is determined by our own choices.

Most of the psychologists doing this research claim there is nothing we can do about the 50% and 10%, but that we have total control over the 40%. I disagree. Although it takes a lot of effort, we also have some control over how we react to our circumstances and we can eventually change our set-point. The way that is done is by consistently making choices that make us happy. For example, instead of waking daily and fretting (vexing) over the fact that our house is too small and we need a house in a more affluent neighborhood, we wake each morning grateful to have a house and looking for ways to serve the people around us.

Now look at what you wrote down and decide where it fits in this discussion and determine what you need to really do to be happier.

Yes, it takes mental exertion and work to change attitudes, but it can make all the difference in the world whether we are happy or not. No one can make you happy. Happiness is a choice and only you have the power to choose it.

The Power We Have

I woke up this morning to find three inches of snow on the cars and lawn, but the road, sidewalk and driveway only had a skiff of snow. That part was nice, but SNOW? Last week we had beautiful spring blue sky weather with sunshine and only a few wispy clouds and crocus smiling up out of the ground. But that’s how life goes! So I’m enjoying the snow.

The white, slushy drive to work sounded different than last week’s drive—actually much more interesting sounds. The wet cars looked different—drippy, but the water adds a sheen that is almost magical. The gray sky felt different, but I was bundled in my Eskimo coat and had my heater blowing hot air and so I was happy because I managed to remember that happy is a choice and I had the power to make whatever choice I wanted.

It’s definitely unnecessary pain to choose to be unhappy because it snows when you don’t want it to. Remembering that makes all the difference in how we live our days. I’ve been inside ever since I got to work in rooms with no windows, so I don’t know if the snow has melted or if there is more snow out there. But I’m happy!

 Isn’t it amazing the power we have over the weather!!!!

Is It Good or Is It Bad?

Shakespeare’s Hamlet had his problems, but he said some very profound things that have impacted my life. One of my favorites, because of what it teaches me about Living in Truth, is: “For there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

Put another way, if we think about it we discover that “There is a silver lining to every cloud.” When we find and dwell on (think about) the silver lining we realize that even the bad things that happen to us bring about some good. We have a choice then; we can think about the bad and make ourselves more miserable or we can think about the good and be happy.

In the gospel this principle is expanded upon when the Lord tells us that “All things shall work together for your good” (D&C 90:24; 100:15; and 105:40). Notice it says ALL things not just the good things. “All things” includes everything that happens to us whether we consider those things to be good or bad. So if the Lord is going to make all things good, we can take do the same. We can think until we find the silver lining and then let our thoughts rest there.

But we must also beware, as Hamlet warns, that we are also capable of making good things bad by the way we think about them. Good and bad is a choice and we are the only ones who can make that choice!

We've Got Options

I once heard a psychologist explain that depression is caused when a person can only see two ways to go and he doesn’t like either one of them.  That may be an over-simplification, but there is something important here for all of us: there are always options. 

Too many times we come into a situation and only see one or two options open for us to pursue. If we don’t like either one, sometimes we need to accept what we don’t like and move on. But often there are other options if we just let our imaginations explore the situation. Many times there are options that aren’t as obvious that offer us new possibilities and great opportunities, but we have been so stuck in the rut of habit that we don’t even consider those options.

So next time you are feeling vexation because of choices you need to make, sit down with a piece of paper and write out all the options you can think of. Let your imagination soar. Some of the things you think of may be absolutely ridiculous, but write them down anyway. They’ll give you a good laugh and that is like taking medicine! Later go back through the list, consider each option carefully, and then choose the best one. Don’t look back, move forward in faith and then let the future unfold for you.

Life in the Arcade

Yesterday was Mr. E’s birthday and to celebrate he took twelve friends to the local nickel arcade for a party. Mr J and I went along for the fun and that it was. Each six to seven year old child was given a bag of nickels ($2.50 worth) and allowed to play whatever games they wanted. Watching their reaction was an education.

Some ran as soon as they received their money and began haphazardly putting nickels in the machines. After playing the game they’d excitedly pull out their yellow tickets, hold them aloft like a flag of victory while running to the next game. Within ten minutes their coins were gone and they began begging D5 for more coins or trying to coerce their friends into giving up a few. 

Others clutched their bag of money in their little fists protectively as they wandered the huge room looking at all the options. You’d hear them gasp, “Four nickels! I’m not going to play that game.”

Still others followed the first group around content and happy to watch their overly exuberant friends play and jump around. When it came time to go in for Lazar Tag, they looked at their bag of unused coins in amazement as if thinking, ”Oh, I could have played a game.” But they were happy.

In short, watching the event was like watching a life metaphor come alive. These were first graders and already they had personality traits and habits that are shaping their destinies. It was the perfect example of how life is all about choices not events. We can each experience the same situation, but each of us chooses how we will react to that situation. It is not the situation that shapes us but how we choose to react to the situation.

Agency and Others

When we understand agency it opens up whole new vistas of gospel knowledge. As I learned these things, it changed how I parented. I realized that I wasn’t the monitor of right and wrong. That’s the work of the Spirit. I also realized that when I manipulated or coerced or lectured too much I created so much "noise" my children couldn’t hear the Spirit speaking to them. My job wasn't to "pour" knowledge into them, but to create an environment where the Spirit could teach and direct them.
One of my first experiences with this was especially interesting. Breana was always a picky eater and I tried everything I could to make sure she got the proper nutrition. One day we came home a little late from running errands. Quickly I made her a tuna sandwich and then, to encourage her to eat it in time to leave for kindergarten, told her she could have ice cream as soon as it was finished. Then I went to the nursery to put the baby down for a nap.
Seconds later Breana came into the nursery and told me the sandwich was gone and could she have her ice cream. I knew she hadn’t eaten the sandwich, and at this point I would have normally begun to lecture her about honesty, the importance of good nutrition, being obedient, etc. But I had just learned about agency and realized that the light of Christ was working in her own heart and telling her what to do so instead of lecturing, I looked her in the eyes and said, "Breana, you know what is right and you know what is wrong." Then I went back to the baby.
What happened next astounded me. When I lectured, Breana always responded with a corresponding fit. You know how it goes, arguing that grows into demanding and down on the floor kicking and screaming. But this day she stared back at me as if I’d learned how to fly and quietly walked out of the room.
I finished putting the baby down and then filled with curiosity at the silence walked back to the dining room where I found Breana sitting on the floor Indian style eating the sandwich right out of the garbage can. While I try not to think about the sanitation aspects of that moment, I do think about what happened. Breana’s conscience (the light of Christ) led her to do what I had tried on countless occasions to do and had failed at. To this day (she is now in her late 30s!) she tells me how much she hated it when I told her it was up to her. She fast learned that it is much easier to argue with someone you think is imposing something upon you than it is to argue with your own heart. I learned that instead of helping my children, my behavior actually interfered with their ability to hear the Spirit speaking to them.
As we trust the Spirit to guide and facilitate that Spirit to speak to our children, spouse, friends, co-workers or anyone else we are dealing with, things work out better. Yes, sometimes they will choose incorrectly, but even that can be a great learning experience if we allow it to be.