Striving Against Difficulties

In Helaman 3 we are told that the problems of the people that lead to war and destruction begin with contention. And when the Savior appears to the Nephites He tells them three times in his first instruction to them not to let any contention occur. Usually when we hear that word contention we think of arguing or fighting with other people, but the first definition of the word contend in my dictionary is “To strive or vie in rivalry against difficulties.” The second definition is, “To strive in debate.” And the third is, “To struggle for.”

The first definitions in dictionaries are the primary definitions, so what we discover here is that the primary definition of contend is to “strive against difficulties” which is what we do when we create unnecessary pain. It is no wonder the Savior admonishes us so many times to avoid contention. He isn’t just talking about arguing with others, or struggling against others, He is talking about creating unnecessary pain for ourselves. 

Contention throws us into the Pit of Illusion and makes life miserable. By refusing to contend, we stay in Truth and enjoy peace.

Poor Advice

Yesterday was the 45th anniversary of mine and Mr. J’s first date. It was a blind date that I didn’t want to go on and so I got unready thinking I was being spiteful to the friend who was making me go. Needless to say, the friend didn’t suffer in the least. But I came home that night and cried because I was sure he’d never ask me out again. However, miracles happen (that’s a whole different story!) and he asked me out the next day and the next and the next and before I knew it I was engaged and everyone was giving me marital advice.

The advice I got the most often sounded profound at the time: “Don’t ever go to bed on an argument.” So when we got married, and had disagreements we remembered the advice and tried to work out our problems before we went to bed. What a MISTAKE! Both Mr. J and I get grumpy and ornery when we are tired and trying to solve problems late at night when we were grumpy and ornery and tired was disastrous. We’d be up half the night and never come to anything close to resolution.

After several years we got wise, (I know I’m a slow learner!) disregarded the terrible advice, and just went to bed when we were upset. Miraculously 90% of the time the next morning we found the problem had somehow disappeared while we slept. The other 10% of the time we were able to solve the problem quickly because our minds were clear and alert.

The amazing thing to me is that a few years later I found this very principle taught by Nephi. After Nephi has the beautiful vision of the Tree of Life, he returns to the family camp and finds his brothers fighting. He knows he needs to help solve the problem, but he is exhausted from the experience he has just had. So instead of trying to jump in and solve the problem in his tired state, he tells us “after I had received strength I spake unto my brethren” (1 Nephi 15:6).

Now that’s the advice I should have been given. Trying to solve problems with children or spouses or anyone when you are tired or hungry or out of sorts doesn’t work. Like Nephi we need to wait until we have the strength to deal with the problem. That isn’t always possible, but when it is—do it!

Working and Learning Together

I have another story that illustrates Living in Truth, but I'll let you decide how it fits in. Leave me a comment to let me know what you think. It is a folktale from India.

A flock of birds lived happily deep in the forest where there was always enough food and few hunters came. But one day a hunter braved the forest and happened upon a gathering of the birds. Seizing the opportunity he threw a net over the flock, gathered up the net and took his prize catch to market.

The birds who had not gathered that day were devastated by the loss of their friends and mourned deeply. But one wise bird advised them, "It was such an easy catch for the hunter that we must beware. The hunter will return. But do not be dismayed. Next time he throws his net if we work together and beat our wings as one we can escape."

Just as the wise bird said the hunter returned the next week and threw his net over the birds gathered to feed. But this time they beat their wings as one, rose in the air with the net, and swooped down into the trees so that the trees caught the net and the birds flew free from beneath it.

Excited by their cleverness the birds began to boast of their victory over the hunter. But again the wise bird warned, "The hunter will be back. You must be prepared."

Sure enough the hunter returned and again threw his net over the gathered flock. As it did one of the birds yelled out, "Flap your wings!" and another replied, "Who made you the ruler over us!" and still another scolded, "This is no time to fight!" and another, "Stop telling us what to do."

And thus while the birds squabbled, the hunter gathered them up and took them to market. Working together they were strong, but failing to work together they became dinner.

Come What May, And Love It

Yesterday we talked about the first thing the Savior wanted the Nephites to know when He appeared to them after His resurrection.  After establishing who He is and that He is real, He went on to teach them the importance of covenants and gave Nephi authority to baptize. Then He tells them that there are to be no disputations among them and that people who have “the spirit of contention” are not of Him but are of the devil “who is the father of contention” (3 Nephi 11:29). Later in the book of Ether, Mormon explains how the people lived for two-hundred years in happiness and repeats four times (vs. 2, 13, 15, 18) that they had no contention among them.

I’ve read those accounts many times and have read the word contention as war or fighting. But recently I stopped to look up the word contention in the dictionary and discovered that it means, “to strive against difficulties.” As I read that bells, whistles, and fireworks went off in my mind. “Striving against difficulties” is what sinks us in the  Pit of Illusion, and it relates to what Elder Wirthlin taught when he said that we should accept what comes and love it.

When we strive against the difficulties of life we are contending, and when we contend we leave the Realm of Truth and fall into the Pit of Illusion. So the third thing the Savior wanted the Nephites to understand is that they should not contend Truth, meaning the Truths of the gospel and with the Truth of life. Instead we acknowledge what is, determine whether we can fix it or should live with it, and then move on in joy and happiness.

Thoroughly Stretched

In the Book of Mormon we are constantly warned about the dangers of contention. For example in Mosiah 23:15 we are told that Alma did “teach his people, that every man should love his neighbor as himself, that there should be no contention among them.” I know that contention means disputing or arguing, but the other day I looked up the word and discovered that it comes from the Latin word “contendere” which is made up of the prefix “com-“ which means thoroughly and the root verb “tendere” which means “to stretch.” Thus the original meaning of contending is “to stretch thoroughly.”

Sometimes a history of a word helps me understand the current meaning better. This one baffled me. How did “to stretch thoroughly” turn into “to dispute or argue”? I’m not sure, but the thought of someone being stretched thoroughly because they are arguing sent a mental picture into my mind that started me laughing. Stop for a minute and imagine it yourself. You become defensive and start to argue or defend yourself and as you do you start to stretch into a pencil thin, pinched together person. Think Pinocchio’s nose only instead of just your nose it is your whole body that stretches out like pulled taffy. You checks suck in, your eyes elongate, and your arms grow long. You have to admit it is funny!

Now every time I start to contend I’m going to think of that image and instead of contending, I’m going to laugh at myself and move on! I don’t know how “thoroughly stretched” became “contending” but I don’t like the thought of being “thoroughly stretched” so I’ll let the word history work to help me!