Seasons

The hills are alive with a blaze of color! Maybe it's just that my memory is fuzzy, but I don't think there has ever been such a variety and so much color on the mountains as there is this year. I love it!

We lived for a year in Texas and the thing I missed most was the changing of the seasons. While to some Autumn may seem dreary and dreadful because of the dying out of the vegetation, the days getting shorter and nights longer and colder to me it is a symbol of the highs and lows of life. Yes, we experience some discouraging, dismaying, down right no good experiences. But every fall is followed by a spring.

As the prophet Lehi put it, "There must needs be an opposition in all things." When we think of that we usually think about all good things having an opposite--something negative. But looked at another way it also means that all bad things have an opposite--something positive.

So instead of wallowing in the negative we can think about the positive that is about to follow. There is always a spring and summer after a fall and winter!

The Losada Ratio

The psychologist, Marcel Losada, has identified what has become known as the Losada ratio—a ratio of positive thoughts to negative thoughts. Building on this concept, other positive psychologists have determined that when positive thoughts are more frequent than negative thoughts people are happier and relationships are stronger.

Dr. John Gottman has determined through years of research that happy marriages have a Losada ratio of 5:1 meaning there are 5 positive exchanges for every one negative.

Living in Truth is all about overcoming the negative feelings of life and facilitating the positive. For those of us who have spent years mired in negative thinking, making the change is difficult, but so worth it. And like all other worthwhile things we find that this principle is taught in the scriptures. Paul tells us that “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). In other words, find the positive and enjoy whatever life brings you. And to the Hebrews he explains how this is possible, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). We can be positive because of Jesus Christ. He is always with us and will never forsake us.

While there are moments in life that need to be recognized as negative and corrected, if our Losada ration is any place from 2.9:1 or higher, we will find contentment and joy in life. So for every negative thought, think (sincerely feel!) three positive thoughts and watch what happens to your day.

All Is Well . . .

Years ago I was doing some research in which I was reading original journals and writings from the early days of the Church. Now I grew up in the Church, and on all lines of my family for five generations they have been members of the Churc,h and I knew about the persecution in Missouri and Illinois and Ohio. But as I read those journasl I was surprised at the atrocities and horrors those early saints encountered and I wondered why those things weren't talked about more.

As I began to review my Church history classes and what I’d learned I realized that most of the persecution was glossed over quickly. The only time I remember details was in the story of the Haun’s Mill Massacre and most of that story centered on the mother who packed her sons blown away hip with ash and how the hip grew back. In other words, even that story was centered on the positive instead of the atrocities that occurred.

Critics of the Church often criticize the Church for not dwelling more on the negative things the Church has done in the past, but as I learned from reading those journals the Church doesn’t just downplay the bad things members have done, they downplay the bad things that have been done to them. Sometimes historians or individual members will dig up the past and try to dwell on it, but the Church mostly downplays anything negative and concentrates on everything positive.

That taught me something. Critics might say we are “sweeping things under the rug” and trying to keep things quiet, but when we compare this behavior to what the Savior teaches we realize that there must be power and strength in concentrating on the good and not dwelling on the bad. Every family, every individual has good and bad within it. But if we follow the example of the Savior and the Church we realize that we can dwell on the negative things that happen to us and cause ourselves unnecessary pain and grief or we can move on and concentrate on the positive things and enjoy peace and happiness. The choice is ours!

Just A Little House Cleaning

I’m in a de-cluttering mood. Everything in my house is shaking for fear it’s going to be thrown into the garbage and hoping that instead it will get a second life at Deseret Industries. I’m going at it with a vengeance.

But while I’m doing this physical house cleaning, I’m also determined to de-clutter my mind. I’m throwing out all the bad thoughts about what I did wrong as I was raising my children. Come to think of it, I also need to throw out all the negative thoughts about what my parents did wrong when raising me. I’m digging deep into the closets of my mind and throwing out all the “I-wish-I-hads” and all the “I-wish-I-hadn’ts”. They are taking up way too much room on my mental storage shelves. All regrets are being trashed, and in their place I’m stocking the shelves with a year’s supply of positive thoughts. Memories of good times. Thoughts of things I’ve done right. And I’ve got a whole shelf reserved just for warm, wonderful feelings of what it will be like to once again return to my Heavenly Father and be with all my loved ones who are waiting for me on the other side.

I’ve never liked housecleaning much, but doing the physical part with my hands while my head and heart are doing this mental de-cluttering has made both jobs easier. I never thought I’d say this, but I like this kind of cleaning up!

The Power of Positives

You are all familiar with the verse in Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” It is so true. Many an argument can be averted if one party resorts to soft words. But there is a principle behind these words that extends the wisdom of this verse to so many other areas of our lives. The principle is that given enough time a positive will always overcome a negative. By positive I mean the good things such as kindness, love, hope, generosity, empathy, and consideration. By negative I mean the bad things such as hate, envy, anger, and unkindness.

The thing that confuses us is that often we resort to negative responses because they seem to work faster. If we yell loud enough or are angry enough we intimidate others into doing what we want them to do faster. But if you’ve ever had someone make you do something by yelling or getting angry at you, you know that while you may do what they want, you don’t feel good about it. Their actions generate bad feelings in you. In essence the rule is that negatives generate more negatives. While using a negative may get immediate results eventually the negative feelings will come out in negative ways.

But if we take the time to use love, gentleness, and kindness it may take more time but it creates positive feelings in both parties. If we use our imagination and are patient, we can find positive ways to deal with any problem. The very best example of the principle “If given enough time a positive will overcome a negative” is the Atonement. Eventually the Atonement (the most positive thing that has ever happened) will overcome all negatives (sin, death, disease, sorrow, hurt, etc.).

So take time to find a positive response to any situation and see what happens in your life!

"Whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward" (D&C 6:33.

Affirmative Thinking

When trying to overcome negative feelings we need to understand how the mind works. The mind does not compute “don’t.” When we tell ourselves things like, “Don’t hurt!” or “Don’t eat that!” or “Don’t hold this grudge!” it doesn’t work because the mind only calculates “do.” Try imagining not eating that donut. Just my mentioning this made you see yourself eating the donut. You may have imagined setting it down after a bit, but you first imagine eating it. You simply can’t imagine not doing something. A wise friend once told me never to say to a newly licensed, teenage driver as she backs out of the driveway, “Don’t hit the mailbox” because as soon as you say it, the mental picture of hitting the mailbox pops into her head, and the next thing you know a dented car hovers over a fallen mailbox while you try to console the hysterical driver.

So as we try to redirect our behavior or to overcome negative feelings, the most important thing we can do is replace the negative thought with a positive thought. “I eat healthy foods.” “I feel good.” “I forgive him.” As we come to understand this principle we realize that our negative and positive thoughts and feelings are powerful. But the most important thing to realize is that when given enough time, the positives always have power over the negatives. The prime example of that is the Atonement, the most positive event of all time which will eventually overcome all negatives. But remember, positive encouragement takes time. A forceful, manipulative, negative approach to get someone to do what you want them to do may intimidate them into doing it faster, but it will always generate negative feelings in the other person that can fester and cause more problems—usually worse problems. On the other hand, a positive, loving approach may take more time, but it will last and generate positive feelings in the other person and in yourself.

Keeping your self-talk positive can help you conquer and avoid unnecessary pain, and being affirmative with others can strengthen relationships.