I Am Strong

One of the things that helps us Live in Truth is to recognize our strengths and dwell on them instead of thinking about our weaknesses. Often in a religious culture the meaning of humility is misunderstood. We think that to be humble we need to put ourselves down, but Jesus Christ is our best example of all principles of the gospel and He never once put himself down. He declared, “I am the way, the truth, and the light” (John 14:6). That wasn’t a boast; it was a fact. (My favorite definition of humility is “Power under control.”)

By the same token, we should recognize our strengths and instead of debasing ourselves we should think about our strengths and encourage ourselves to use them whenever we can—never boasting, but always aware of and using our strengths. By doing this we crowd out thoughts of our weaknesses and generate feelings of happiness and joy that then feed and contribute to the growth of our strengths.

God has given each of us multiple talents and strengths. He’s told us so (D&C 46), and He cannot lie. For us to claim we have no strengths is to deny God.

So make a list of your strengths and then think about them daily. Drive away negative thoughts with thoughts of your strengths. Spend time enhancing and using your strengths, and then enjoy the happiness that flows into your life.

Weak Things Made Strong

When C. S. Lewis was young his tutor was an intelligent, straight forward man (Lewis called him the Great Knock) who didn’t allow small talk. Anything Lewis said was questioned, challenged, and scrutinized. Lewis loved this and it developed in him the great ability to rationally analyze and discover truth. However, as Lewis grew older he did the same things to others that the Great Knock had done to him; he refused to tolerate unsubstantiated opinions or irrational thought even in social settings. Needless to say, not all people appreciated being cross examined in this way, and Lewis didn’t realize how offensive this was. In short, he often upset people with whom he was conversing.

As He converted to Christianity, however, he began to realize how wrong it was to treat other people in such a demeaning way. One of his biographers, who knew Lewis well, says of this, “but at last he was able to turn it to glorious use, when the silliest dinner-table remark could be taken by him and manipulated gently and followed to conclusions of which you had never dreamed—and yet leaving you with the warm glow of undeserved pride at having initiated such a profoundly interesting discussion” (C. S. Lewis, Green and Hooper, p. 42).

This reminds me of the verse of scripture found in Ether 12:27; “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

If we, like Lewis, recognize our weaknesses and then ask “How can I make something good out of this?”, the Lord will help and guide us to change our weaknesses into strengths.

Building Our Children's Strengths

Before I leave the subject of building on strengths, I have to say one more thing. One of the best things to do for your children is identify their strengths and help them develop in those areas. A lot of problems can be avoided if we know our children’s strengths and then encourage them. Too often we push them in directions of our own strengths thinking that this is what makes us happy so of course it will make them happy also. But that isn’t always true.
One of my daughters is a nurse–something I never could have been. It has been a delight to watch her develop in the medical field. She loves medicine and loves caring and helping others. Right now she is a full time mom, but when the time is right, she will return to nursing because it is one of her strengths and she loves it. I shudder to think of what would have happened if I had dissuaded her or insisted she follow a course I would have prescribed.
On the same web site as I wrote about last time, www.authentichappiness.com, there is a test for children to take so that parents can know what their children’s strengths are and then help them develop in those areas. It is very interesting to see how different each of your children are and to more fully recognize their individuality. It is also interesting to see how when you taylor your parenting to the child’s strengths special bonding moments occur. You enter their realm and build on a foundation that is already in place. I don’t have words to express all that happens, but when you help your children develop into their own selves instead of trying to make them into a little “you,” it brings a joy and dimension to parenting that is extremely rewarding
Take the test yourself. Give the test to your children and let me know what you think!

Discovering Your Strengths

Last entry, I wrote about mothering according to your own strengths. In other words, if you are musical and like music, teach your children music and interact with them through music. If you are good at sports, then by all means center your nurturing around sports. Plan time each week to throw balls around. It’s your job! Make it fun.
But what if you don’t know what your strengths are? How can you identify them? Usually your strengths are the things you enjoy doing most, but there is a more scientific approach that is also fun. If you are having trouble identifying your strengths, take a simple personal strengths test. Go to www.authentichappiness.com and register. It is free and no one will send you unsolicited emails. This is a web site sponsored by the University of Pennsylvania and is based on the research of Dr. Martin Seligman, a psychologist who is largely responsible for the new movement toward Positive Psychology.
There are many fun tests you can take on the web site, but the one I am referring to is the VIA Signature Strengths Test. After taking the survey, you will be told your top three strengths such as creativity or discipline. Once you know what these are, ponder on ways to include them in your interactions with your children. Your nurturing will always be more sincere and rewarding if it is accomplished in the course of something you enjoy doing, not just something you feel is your duty to do.
As a mother, you choose how to mother–how to nurture. There is no set way to do it. It is as individualized as all of us. So, incorporate your strengths into your mothering and watch what happens! Not only will your mothering be more exciting; so will life!
Experiment. Enjoy. Include your children in what you love. After all, God sent this son or daughter to you because He knew you were the very best person to raise that particular children. If He’d wanted them influenced by your neighbors strengths, He would have sent them to your neighbor!
As you attempt to do this, the adversary will haunt you with thoughts of your weaknesses. Don’t even think about them. Forget all about your weaknesses. Dwelling on weaknesses accomplishes nothing positive at all–it will only depress and discourage you. The truth is that the best way to overcome a weakness is to drown it in a strength! So push any though of failings out of your head by thinking about your strengths. Identify them. Find ways to use them in your mothering, and enjoy the journey.

On Being A Full Time Mom

Being a full time mother is an amazing occupation. If you have the privilege of being one, give thanks now! Not everyone is so blessed. I am extremely grateful that I was able to stay home with my children and am even more grateful that all of my daughters and my daughter-in-law are also full time moms. But that doesn’t mean I don’t remember or know that like every other career mothering has a down side. There are definitely frustrations, mundane and even tedious aspects to mothering, but one of the things I realize more and more is that as mothers we often make the job more mundane and tedious than it needs to be.
For one thing, too often we define what it means to be a mother by what our mother did or by what the mothers around us do. We think we have to replicate their methods. But as a mother you are in charge and should run your home like a good business executive runs a business. And how is that? You run it according to your strengths.
My mother was very disciplined and loved a spotlessly clean house. She, in large part, defined her role as a mother as that of a housekeeper. That served us kids well in many ways. For example, I was never ashamed to bring friends home. I knew the house would always be clean and inviting. As a matter of fact, our home was always the gathering place for friends (besides being a great housekeeper, Mom was a social person who enjoyed having people around).
When I first had children, I thought I had to keep house like Mom did which meant doing what most people do for Spring cleaning on a monthly basis. Again and again I tried to keep the discipline and schedule that mother maintained, but I hate house work. It didn’t give me the pleasure it gave Mom to see myself reflected in all the kitchen appliances. For years I felt depressed and like a total failure as a mother because my house wasn’t as clean as hers. What I wasn’t taking into account is that I was doing things she hadn’t. When I finally accepted that a certain level of cleanliness is essential and that I could maintain that level but didn’t have to maintain Mother’s level I gained an enormous amount of peace and it allowed me to concentrate on things like taking my children to the library and playing the piano while they sang–things my mother never did.
What I realize now, is that the best mothers are the ones who recognize their strengths, build their family lives around those strengths and enjoy what they are doing without worrying about the mother next door who is putting every tiny thing the children bring home into a scrapbook. If you like scrap booking-fine. If you don’t–then don’t scrap book. You don’t have to. Identify your own strengths and nurture your children through those strengths. That’s all you have to do!