Rejoicing With Others--The Glue in Relationships

All of us know the importance of reaching out to support and encourage others when they are going through adversity or hard times. But there is a growing body of new psychological research that shows that  supporting others in good times impacts the quality of a relationship much more than when we support them in bad times.

However, how we respond to other people's good news makes a big difference. A psychologist at the University of California, Shelly Gable, found that people respond to good news in four ways. (1) They ignore the news. (2) They give a luke warm response such as, "That's nice." (3) They give a negative response such as "That surprises me. I didn't think you were qualified for the job." and (4) They respond positively and enthusiastically and ask follow-up questions and comments such as, "It's about time someone realized how vital you are to the organization."

Responding in the first three ways actually damages a relationship. Responding in the fourth way with enthusiasm and positive comments and questions bonds a relationship even more than helping people when in need.

As Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." So today find someone to rejoice with, and watch as your relationship with that person grows stronger and more satisfying. 

Accept Yourself

Accepting who you are and what you are can be difficult, but it is a whole lot easier than trying to run away from yourself. Running is painful, and that pain is most assuredly unnecessary pain.  

Taking honest stock of who we are gives us the opportunity to decide what things can and should be changed about ourselves, what things we must learn to love, and rejoice in the things we already are grateful for.

For example, if taking honest stock reveals that we are gossipy, that can and should be changed. So we determine a plan of action and grow. If taking honest stock reveals we don’t like how tall we are, we let go of the “don’t like” and concentrate on all the advantages of our height. We learn to love what is. And in taking stock we especially note the good things about ourselves, the talents, abilities, beauties, and whatever else is good and right out loud so the world can hear we rejoice in those. 

Rejoicing is one way of thanking God. Denying we have any good is abusing God, and no one wants to be guilty of that!

The Two-Edged Sword

I've waited all semester to get to the book of Revelation in the New Testament. I love John's revelation and wish I had more class time to discuss it with my students. Today we talked about symbolism and how John uses symbolism and then we "deciphered" some of the symbols.

One of the verses we talked about is Revelation 1:16 which is part of John's description of Jesus Christ. He ways of Christ: "And in his right hand [he held] seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp two edged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength." We talked about how the symbols of the two-edged sword is found in many places in scripture including Doctrine and Covenants 33:1 and Hebrews 4:12 and that when we see all the verses it becomes evident that the two edge sword is a symbol for the word of God.

But why a two edged sword? A two edged sword can inflict damage from both sides of the blade and thus is more powerful, but it also means that if you are striking at an enemy one side of the sword is poised to destroy the enemy but the other side is poised to destroy you. In other words, a two-edged sword offers a good or a bad consequence depending upon how the sword is used.

Thus the word of God is a sharp and powerful thing which if used properly will bring us great joy and will protect us from enemies; but if fought against or not used, it will separate us from God and from the Spirit which gives vitality and life to our being.  

The "S" Diet

I've had some very busy days lately, 

but I just wanted to pass along a wonderful diet

 I heard about this weekend.

 It is called the "S" diet. 

Here's what it consists of:

 You can't eat Sugar, 

 have Seconds, 

 or eat Snacks 

EXCEPT on Saturdays, Sundays, or Special occasions.

And you must work up a good Sweat daily.

That sounds healthy and doable, 

but especially it is Simple.

I love it!

Sabbath Scripture

But unto every one of us

is given grace

according to the measure

of the gift of Christ.

Ephesians 4:7

[Grace = enabling power]

Open the Door

Last week a friend shared with me an experience that I learned a lot from and so I thought I'd share it with you. About twenty years ago my friend was going through a trying experience with a child and eventually the child married outside the temple. I won’t go into all the details, but my friend was very hurt and experienced all the feelings we go through in situations like this—feelings of self-doubt and failure and worry for the child. She became depressed over the things that were happening and felt very alone and abandoned by those around her, she prayed that someone would reach out to her, someone who she could confide in and someone who would help her though the ordeal, but instead of comforting her people seemed to avoid her. She described it as one of the worst times of her life. But it turned out well. Eventually she pulled out of the depression, and the couple was sealed in the temple. They now have seven beautiful children and are doing well.


Now for the learning part. Last week my friend went to lunch with a woman who was a close friend of hers before and during those trying years. During the lunch the woman brought up that long ago wedding and explained that while she was well over it now, but she had been very hurt that she had not been invited to the wedding, especially when she found out that someone who wasn’t as close of a friend had been invited. She then said that she was also hurt that my friend had pulled away from her during that time.

My friend said she was so shocked she couldn’t respond. First of all the person invited was not invited because she was a friend but because she was the child's employer. She was the only non-family member invited to the wedding. She also remembered the prayers, the nights she cried herself to sleep, how she had yearned for someone she could talk to, someone who would assure her and comfort her through the experience. And here was a person who could have done that, but instead she had taken offense because she wasn’t invited to the wedding.

“As she explained her feelings,” my friend said, “I realized I must have appeared to pull away from her and others. Part of the reason I didn’t get the comfort I needed was my own fault. At the time, I felt ashamed and afraid to reach out for fear of others’ reactions. But the thing that stunned me most as she explained all of this is that she never once reached out to me. Since that conversation with her, I’ve looked back on my own life and wondered how many times when someone needed me I turned away because of some petty offence or because I felt them pulling away. I wish I’d learned this sooner, but I now realize that often when people appear to close the door to us is the very time we need to knock and let ourselves in.”

The Monkey Trap

We've all heard how easy it is to catch a monkey. You simply put something the monkey wants inside a container that has an opening just big enough for the monkey to put an empty hand inside. The monkey puts its hand in, grabs the object, and with the object in hand can no longer get his hand out of the jar. The simple solution would be to let go, but the stubborn, greedy monkey refuses to let go and is taken into bondage.

It isn't difficult to see the comparison here to monkey's and people who cling to unnecessary pain. When we cling to past offenses, or hold grudges, or refuse to forgive ourselves or others or any other of the things that fall into the category of unnecessary pain we are acting just like monkeys. We are stubbornly putting ourselves into bondage to the pain and suffering that ensue.

But all we need to do to be free of the pain is let go. It is so simple! Just let go of the grievance and the pain disappears.