At Last A Plan!

This is a Cyberknife.

I was on the telephone all afternoon with doctors, but at last we have a plan of attack! It has been determined that Grizelda is a cavernous lymphangioma and not a hemangioma. With this determination and several other things I won't bore you with it was determined that we can go forward with the radiation. Friday they will do all of the preliminary work necessary to program the cyberknife and then Tues., Wed., and Thurs. of next week the cyberknife will do its work and hopefully we will be rid of Grizelda forever!

Thanks so much for your prayers and letters, emails, comments and all the concern and love. It has meant so very much to me. You are all wonderful!

Words vs. Heart

I’ve heard people who are going through trials complain about the things people say to them. But I’ve learned that it isn’t the words people say, it’s the heart they say it with. It doesn’t matter if the words are trite or even insensitive. Most people just want to help and they are helping in the best way they know how. That is what counts. So I listen with my heart to what their heart is trying to say and I am edified.

If I were to complain or criticize or condemn their efforts, I would take on a poisonous negative energy. The people making the remarks wouldn’t hurt me, but I would hurt myself because of my reaction to what they say.

We aren’t all gifted with silver tongues that say just the right thing at the right time. We don’t all have the same perspective on life that allows us to know exactly what should be said. But we all have a heart that wants to love, and what we should recognize is that others are only trying to help—no matter what they say or do!

Tulips and Waiting

Today my sister, a daughter, and a grandson and I visited the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. Thousands and thousands of tulips, daffodils, hyacinths and other colorful flowers I can't even name amazed us. I loved the company, the beauty, and the delight of a five year old at simple things like purple pansies, making wishes in the wishing pond, and feeding fish. Life is good.

After my trip to the gardens, I finally heard from the radiologist. He has only heard from one other doctor, a doctor in Germany whose advice was to use surgery. Since the other doctors haven’t responded to the Internet call for help, the radiologist is going to call them and ask them for an opinion. So we are waiting still.

Patience. I am learning Patience. I must need lots of patience!

A New Tool--Distraction

As soon as we finished the radiologist appointment on Friday we went to St George for a funeral. A very good friend (whom I can’t thank enough) let us use her home in St George so we stayed over the weekend. It was a much needed get-away. The past week drained us both physically and emotionally. The trip gave us time to think—time to regroup and relax, time to get energized and meditate and pray to be ready for whatever is in front of us.

During this time I noticed several things that happened. First, on the trip down just observing the beauty of this wonderful world was rejuvenating. It invigorated and kept me positive. Turning my thoughts from me to the world filled me with gratitude and wonder. Certainly if God can create and run this amazing world, He can take care of me! Another thing that I noticed was that a change in environment helped me forget about myself and my problems. I didn’t realize how much things around my own house remind me of the predicament I’m in, but in a different house with no associations, I forgot all about my problems and relaxed and enjoyed. The third thing I realized is that of all the tools we’ve talked about for helping us Live in Truth I’ve never realized how much of a tool a simple thing like distraction can be. Distraction gives us a little distance, which gives us a new perspective. Whether we take a walk, a trip, read a book, watch a good movie sometimes all we need is a little distraction to help us keep positive and walk in Light and Truth.

So add Distraction to the tools. Take a break from your problems and come back to them with new perspective!

Learning Patience!

The night before my craniotomy last December, I was given a beautiful blessing in which I was told that I would eventually be made completely whole but that I needed to be patient. Four or five times in that blessing I was reminded that patience was very important. So after the surgery when the healing seemed so fast and miraculous, I was puzzled. Many times the thought went through my head, “Why was I admonished to be patient? This took very little patience.” And then a gnawing feeling that the ordeal wasn’t really over would spread through me. Well, now I know why I was told to be patient! As a matter of fact, I am learning all kinds of lessons about patience.

I’ve never been good about patience. Growing up I always searched and found my Christmas presents before Christmas. (I hope Mom doesn’t read this!) In Primary when they had us plant seed of "faith" in a cup and take them home to watch them grow, I'd dig them up every day to see if they were growing. (Needless to say, they didn't!) I loved to read, but I’d make it to about the middle of a novel and then impatiently turn to the end of the book to see what was going to happen. (That ruined the rest of the read.) I’d force a situation by jumping to conclusions too soon or trying to manipulate events. (That over anxiousness always caused more problems than I want to recount.) In short, I’ve never been good about waiting which I now realize is really that I’ve never been good about letting God unfold events in His time. I also now realize that letting God unfold events in His time is what it means to trust Him.

I used to think believing in Christ was the same as trusting Him. But I now know differently. Everything happens for a reason, and by trying to force or manipulate life myself I was refusing to trust. I thought I knew better than God what was best for me! So this time I am determined to be patient. Grizelda is with me again for a reason, and whatever the reason it is important for my growth and development. So my greatest concern right now is that I learn the lessons God wants me to learn. He knows what I need and He loves me. Whatever happens is for my best good. I just need to be patient and trust in Him.

My Visit With the Radiologist

I just returned home from the consultation with the radiologist, Dr. Reilly. What I have in my left orbit according to the pathology report is a cavernous hemangioma. These are not uncommon in the brain, but are very uncommon in the orbit. In and of themselves they are usually quite harmless. It is only when they appear in certain positions that they are a problem, and Grizelda is in the worst possible position.

There are a few mysteries here. One is that a hemangioma isn’t supposed to grow, but Grizelda seems to be growing. There are also a few problems here. Radiologists have discovered that when they treat a cavernous hemangioma in the brain with the cyberknife, it causes more harm than good. So they either remove them surgically or leave them alone. Dr. Reilly looked in the radiology journals and could find no precedent for a cavernous hemangioma in the orbit and so he is unsure what to do. He is now going to contact some other doctors who use the cyberknife and see if any of them has dealt with this type of situation before. After consulting with them, we will make a decision whether to go ahead and try the cyberknife or whether we will need to go in surgically again. If they have to go in surgically it will be more invasive than last time.

This is beginning to sound like a soap opera, isn’t it! Stay tuned! Sometime next week we hope to have some answers! In the meantime, keep praying for me. I know that prayers work! Thanks to you all for your love and concern. It really helps at a time like this!

Comforted

This verse of scripture was part of my scripture study yesterday. “And it came to pass that the Lord did visit them with his Spirit, and said unto them: Be comforted. And they were comforted” (Alma 15:10). As I read, these words seemed to come alive. They danced off the page and wrapped themselves around my heart and comforted me with peace and joy. And I didn’t even know yet that I needed to be comforted!

The words and the spirit that accompanied them warmed, calmed, and empowered me, but most important the feelings stayed with me all day so that when the doctor gave me the news I was fine. I wish I could give you the feeling instead of just trying to explain it because these poor words don’t even begin to describe what happened. But my testimony of the power of scripture to guide, heal, comfort, and bring joy is increased.

All of us face some sort of Grizelda, but whatever your trial the scriptures can bring you the same power to deal with the problem.

Tomorrow will be another of those in-need-of-comfort days, as I move into the treatment part of this adventure. But I’m not worried because I know He will comfort me through that, too.