Every day when I awake I find the scar looking better. My hair has grown a fraction of an inch. My strength is coming back. I’ve never looked at those kinds of things as miracles, but now I do. Think about it. I am doing nothing to make any of that happen! I just leave it to God and He makes it happen. Let your mind wander a little more and the majesty of the miracle is astounding. I am doing nothing to keep this world rotating or to hold it in its place in the vast universe. God does all that! I am doing nothing to breathe, and yet every moment I take in life’s breath. My heart keeps on beating without me doing anything to make it happen. Somehow the pinto bean salad I ate yesterday is being changed into nutrients which in turn become blood cells, skin, energy, hormones and everything else that is needed to help heal my wounds and fuel my body. Amazing!
One of the reasons I think this amazes me so much is that I was raised in a very goal oriented family. My father read all the self-help books about setting goals and then left them on my bed for me to read. My mother wasn’t into the reading, but I’ve never met such a task oriented person in my life. If you took away her to-do list, I’m sure she’d curl up and die. There was a valuable work ethic for me in this environment that I am very grateful for, but what I am learning now is that I’m not in charge. Just as God keeps my body going, and the earth rotating, He’ll guide me to the things I need to do. He knows why He sent me here. I can see now that much of my goal setting and striving has been counterproductive.
God sent me here to earth for a purpose. To discover that purpose I need to ask myself, “What am I here to give?” and then give it. When I do that I tap into the spiritual and open myself to all kinds of possibility and happiness. If I get caught up in “What am I here to get?” I trap myself in the confining boundaries of the ego, and I wander in unhappiness.
I just wish I’d learned this earlier. I wish I had done a better job of teaching my children this. Life isn’t about grades or which schools you can get into or what scholarships you earn or what type clothes you wear or even what you achieve. Life is about discovering what you have to give and then doing everything you can to make the world a better place by giving what only you can give.
But I’ve got to repent. There is nothing I can do about the past. Wishing won’t help at all. Instead I must move on and trust that God will teach them what I failed to teach them. But then, my children are wonderful. They’ve probably already learned it!
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4 comments:
I appreciated this post. I'm glad to hear that your scar is healing and your hair is growing. God is so good to all of us. :)
Wendi, I appreciate your comments! They are medicine to my soul. God bless you.
It is amazing what we learn from our trials. I had a similar realization after my lung collapsed about 14 years ago. I realized that healing takes place in God's time, and also that making lists is sometimes counterproductive. Sometimes the most important things we can do when our energy is limited cannot be put on a list - things like listen to our children talk to us and take a nap when we are tired. I found that when I quit making lists and started letting God direct my activities of the day, I accomplished almost as much as I did with the lists, but I did it without the pressure and stress of never finishing the tasks on the list. Instead I tried to concentrate on what items were most important to do in that moment, instead of worrying so much about all the undone things in my life.
My husband and I are following your blog, even though we do not frequently comment. We are glad that you are healing so well and have so much love and support from those around you. Our son David also sends his love from the mission field.
With love
Laura Gordon (mother of Amy)
Laura, Amy was just here for dinner. You did a wonderful job of mothering on the two children I know! Thanks for what you added here. I think a lot of us (especially women) would be a lot less stressed if we stopped forcing our lives and instead let God cheerfully guide us through our days!
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