A Fulfilling Life

We've all wished to have a fulfilling life, and we've wished the same for our children and loved ones. But what exactly is a fulfilling life?

Fulfill is an old English word that means exactly what it says--to fill until full.


Fill means to put into something as much as it can hold.

"Put into" sounds to me like investing. Thus when we are filling something we are investing in it.

Investing means to make use of for future benefits or advantages.

Reading through these definitions helps me see that a fulfilling life isn't about waiting until the end of my life and looking back to see if I've filled it up. A fulfilling life is a cumulative experience. A fulfilling life is one in which every day something has been invested to make it fuller. A fulfilling life is one in which we invest as much good in ourselves as we can hold every day, and that investment compounds and earns interest to provide future benefits and advantages..

Crocheting and Life

Before my battle with Grizelda, I used to crochet a lot. I've made many, many afghans, and the rhythm of my hands as they hook a strand of yarn into a beautiful collage of stitches is extremely relaxing to me. But for some reason ever since Grizelda I haven't crocheted at all until last week when we went on retreat. I can't believe I forgot about how much of a stress release crocheting is.

One of the afghans I did long ago.

the afghans, I love the lessons crocheting teaches me. Crocheting (and a lot of other hand-work) is a lot like life. The afghans I make are a process. They start out as a raw product such as wool on a sheep's back. That wool has to be cut and then washed, carded, spun, and dyed into useable yarn. From that point I take a skein of "string" and using various stitches I hook the yarn in such a way that it becomes a covering that can warm and cuddle and service others. The pattern varies but if handmade even the same pattern will yield variances that give each afghan a beautiful individual identity. Likewise life is a process and if we are patient and submit to the""carding" and "washing" and "dying" and "hooking" and "tying" that are the process of life we become beautiful individuals capable of warming and nurturing others.

But one of the greatest lessons I've learned from crocheting is that if I make a mistake the only way to keep that afghan beautiful is to go back, undo the wrong stitch or stitches and then re-stitch as the pattern directs. It takes time. It's painful to unravel several rows in order to go back to the mistake. It's discouraging. But there is no other way. If you just keep adding rows to the mistake it becomes misshapen, or you have an ugly spot in the afghan that spoils the whole piece.

You already know where I'm going here. Fixing the mistakes in an afghan is like repentance. We can try to move on in life without repenting, but that mistake will affect everything that follows.

I once read that when people sin their emotional growth stops and that's why we find 60 year old people that haven't emotionally matured past 16. But when we repent we alleviate the mistakes of the past so that we can grow and move forward with the pattern of our lives and end up with a beautiful character. Each character will have distinguishing individual talents and abilities, but every one will be beautiful!

I am so happy to be crocheting again!

Life is a Gift

To celebrate memorial day we took our Utah children and grandchildren to my father's grave and to Mr. J's parent's graves. We put flowers on the tombstones and talked about memories we had of our parents. It was a wonderful experience, but there was one thing that happened that has left me wallowing in a sense of my own mortality.

I grew up across the street from the Centerville City Cemetery--a beautiful cemetery sitting on the side of the mountain overlooking the Great Salt Lake. I spent hours and hours in that park as a child playing and reading tombstones and wondering about the lives of the peole buried there. I never knew the people but learned their names and which tombstones belonged to whom and being endowed with a marvelous imagination many of those people "came to life" in my mind. I know it sounds crazy, but I gave many of them a story and often talked to them about their lives and mine.

Well, I haven't been back to the cemetery since Dad died five years ago, and that was in January when it was too cold and snow covered to walk around and find all my old "friends."  But yesterday I did walk around and was shocked how much it has changed and how many new graves have filled the place. But most shocking was the fact that almost every tombstone I read was someone I had known. These were no longer strangers I imagined to be friends, these were my friends! Memories sprang to life of times I'd spent with the person--Church leaders, Young Women leaders, friends' parents, some were even friends!, and then there were school teachers and shopkeepers and people I had interacted with at various times in my life. It was, to say the least, sobering.

So today I am filled with a deep sense of my own mortality and have decided that while Memorial Day is a wonderful day to remember those who have passed on, it is also a wonderful day to celebrate the fact that we are still here. As a matter of fact, perhaps the very best way to honor those who have gone on is to honor the life itself. So drink in this day, appreciate every thing you see and hear, and savor every wonderful moment. Life is a gift to be cherished!

Life As An Impromptu Actress

I once read a book by a drama teacher in which she described how much impromptu acting taught her about life. I can't remember the name of the book (I wish I could!), but I vividly remember some of the things she taught me.

One was that to be a good impromptu actor you have to deal with the lines the other actors give you. You can't sit down on the stage when someone gives you a line and start to cry saying, "That wasn't a very good line! Why didn't you say something I could respond to better?" Instead you have to accept what is said, and not only make the very most of it but make it into something that the audience will love.

All of us have watched impromptu actors on television or elsewhere and realize how true this is. No one is going to pay money to watch an impromptu comedian whine because they don't like what the other actors are doing. And life is a lot like that! None of us are going to succeed if we whine about what life has handed us.

After all when you stop to think about it, we are all impromptu actors and we all have to take the lines that are given us. That's what Living in Truth is all about. Take what comes and make it into something good!

To Life!

If you’ve ever watch the movie, Fiddler on the Roof, you’ve heard the song “L’Chaim.” L’chaim literally means “to life” and it is often used on special occasions as a Jewish toast. But the phrase has deeper meaning than the words capture. Rachel Naomi Remen in her book My Grandfather’s Blessings explains that the phrase means that “No matter what difficulty life brings, no matter how hard or painful or unfair life is, life is holy and worthy of celebration.”


I love that thought. Living life is a sacred experience and when we remember that thought it changes how we experience life. And when we remember that life is holy we know that each moment is worth celebrating no matter what the moments bring.

So celebrate this moment by giving thanks or shouting hurray or dancing or singing or whatever you do to celebrate!

L’chaim! To life!

Loving and Living

Our English word to love is related to the Teutonic word which means “to live.” Some old writings explore the idea that the two words are related because love is the dispenser of life. 

When we stop to think about it there are some profound thoughts behind that statement. Every life should begin from an act of love. The problem today is that many lives begin from an act of lust instead of love. After birth love should be the instruction for life, and when a child is born into such a home all sorts of goodness ensues.

However, not everyone has such a privilege. But by Living in Truth and promoting love, the pure love that is called charity, where ever we are and in whatever we are doing we nurture life. When we love and care for others we love and care for life itself.

Happiness Discovered

I was listening recently to a talk by the psychologist, Martin Seligman, who has studied what makes people happy. He described the three types of life that bring happiness. (1) The Pleasant Life which consists of obtaining as much pleasure as you can, and filling your days with only pleasurable activities like going shopping, watching television, taking drugs, etc. (2) The Engaged Life which is a life of being one with the things you love. This comes by knowing what your strengths are and then directing your life to use those strengths at work, in relationships, and in all you do. (3) The Meaningful Life also consists of knowing your strengths and then using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are.

Seligman explained that while the Pleasant looks good it only works as long as the pleasure lasts. There is no sustained happiness or satisfaction that comes from the pleasure. But there is a great deal of sustained happiness and satisfaction found in the Engaged Life and the Meaningful Life.

As I listened I was suddenly struck with the fact that the gospel of Jesus Christ (the Good News!) warns us against a life of mere pleasure and not only encourages us but promises us happiness if we are “anxiously engaged in a good cause” and if we forget ourselves and devote our time, means, and efforts to building the gospel of Jesus Christ—something bigger than we are.

Isn’t it amazing! Once again science “discovers” what the scriptures have taught for ages.

Patience Please . . . I'm Growing

I’m looking at the age spots on my hands. Poised to type, as my hands are now, the spots are very obvious and make it seem to me like these aren’t really my hands at all. My hands are young and strong and . . . but then I remember that just two days ago I couldn’t unscrew a bottle cap. No, these are my hands.

Aging is a strange thing. I don’t feel older, but my body looks and reacts older. I wish I had understood that better when I was younger. I used to think that the old people around me were somehow different, not at all the same as me. But now I know that the old people around me felt exactly the way I did. They may have had a few more physical pains and wrinkles, but they dreamed and had goals and sorrowed and laughed just like I did.

I hope this doesn’t sound morbid. I’m not at all feeling sorry for myself. I’m only reflecting on how much in life I have learned and how as I grow more experienced and closer to the Spirit my understanding grows. In other words, I’m thinking about how spiritual growth is as much a process as physical growth. And process always requires patience. There are some things we just can’t understand until we have more life experience and growth. Therefore, patience with ourselves is as important as patience with others.

Visitor or Proprietor?

Living in Truth can be summed up in several ways. Elder Wirthlin said, “Come what may, and love it.” I like, “Take what comes and love it.” Both sayings capture the feeling of accepting what life hands you without simply enduring. There is something more. Living in Truth is about accepting and at the same time enjoying.


Before I knew about Living in Truth I was accepting out of some sense that accepting was what was expected of a Christian. But I was enduring with gritted teeth and squinty tight eyes. I hadn’t caught on to the enjoying part. I was accepting and bravely, stoically enduring. But Living in Truth is about accepting and embracing with delight what comes. It is about truly living!

I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth-a day or several decades-but I now know that when I am called to move on I want to be able to say that I lived on earth not that I merely paid a visit.

Buoyed Not Depressed

This morning I received news that a beautiful baby girl had died after suffering through many operations and medical procedures. Yesterday I received news that a young relative has decided that the path marked “eat, drink, and be merry” is more fun than the path marked righteousness. The day before that I heard about a friend going through a terrible divorce and custody battle. It seems like every day there is some horrible news—some death, disaster, or despair. All this news can easily depress us and drag us down into the depths of sorrow and despair—deep into the Pit. But it doesn't have to.

The word depress means to “press down.” And if we look at these types of situations alone they can press us down. But the secret is to to not look down, but to look up. Overcoming the depression these situations cause comes when we see something different. By refusing to “press down” and instead “push up,” we see a Savior taking the little one in His arms and welcoming her home. We see a Savior beckoning with outstretched hands for the young man to return to His embrace. We see a Savior shedding tears of sorrow for the woman who isn’t even aware that His hand is in hers protectively guiding her through her heartache and sorrow. We see.

By looking up instead of down, we see a life preserver, a floating device, that we can latch onto. We are buoyed instead of depressed. We are lifted and encouraged because we see a bigger picture—a picture that includes the Cure, the Healer, the Solution to the sorrow of the world.

Being Vulnerable

I am a big fan of the ironies of life. I don’t always like them when they are happening to me, but even then they amaze me. One of the biggest ironies is that in order to fully enjoy life and relationships we need to open ourselves up and be vulnerable. Vulnerable means “capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.” Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? And yet it has to be.


If we go through life drawing back, hovering, protecting, never fully committing because we are afraid of being hurt, we will never enjoy the richness of life or have relationships that bring lasting and deep satisfaction. And yes, sometimes that means we will be hurt. Disappointments will come. People will hurt us. And we will be tempted by thinking that if we’d never tried, or if we’d never opened ourselves up like that we would not have been hurt.

But the risk we take is worth it. Opening ourselves up to life and to others brings opportunities for a life full of growth, joy, increased substance, but most of all to deep and abiding love.

The Mathematics of Life

I’m not a mathematician. 

I do good to get my checkbook balanced and marvel at people who can make numbers mean something. But despite my lack of mathematical talent, I have learned some important lessons from the little I can do with numbers.

One thing I’ve learned is that when you make a mistake in a mathematical problem you can NEVER arrive at the right answer if you just keep doing more adding and subtracting. Once a mistake is made it sends you down a wrong road and no matter how well you multiply and divide from that point on you are still on the wrong path to solving the problem. The only way to get back on course to finding the right answer is to back up until you find the mistake, correct it, and go forward from there.

Life is like that. When we discover we are on the wrong path, the only thing that put us right again is to go back to the mistake, repair it (repent) best we can, and then move forward. If instead of correcting our path, we just keep plodding on, we only go farther and farther down the wrong road.

From my experience hiking and walking, I’ve also learned that the sooner I turn around after discovering I’m on the wrong road, the easier the journey is. The longer I persist on the wrong path the more difficult it is to return to the right path.

(There are a lot of advantages to getting old. One is that you learn a lot of good lessons even from things like the arithmetic you hated in third grade!)

We're Giving Life!

A few weeks ago I heard a talk by the General Sunday School President, Russell T. Osguthorpe, in which he said, “I love the way Tahitians greet each other. The literal meaning of their greeting word—ia  ora no—means ‘life to you’ or ‘that you might live.’ We are either giving life or taking life from each other as we move forward on our way.”

To me the word life has usually meant the period between birth and death which is what is meant in Alma 34:32; “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors.” So Brother Osguthorpe’s words, “We are either giving life or taking life from each other as we move forward” made me stop and think. Besides the act of birthing, how can I give life to others? And besides the act of murder how can I take life away from others? But these thoughts brought several scriptures to mind; “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:6), and “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10”10). Previously I’d just thought these were talking about Eternal Life, but Bro. Osguthorpe’s words made me wonder.

This sent me to my trusty dictionary where I found 20 main definitions for the word life. I searched through them and found two that apply to these scriptures. The first defines life as, “an animating and shaping force or principle.” The second defined it as, “providing interest and vigor.”

Yes, our words and the love we share with others does give life in that it can animate and shape the lives of others. We also can be an influence that provides interest and vigor. I like that idea that when I am sharing good and loving others I am giving them life.

The Best is Yet to Come!

While traveling in New York and Ireland at this time of year I couldn’t help but notice the many tour groups. They’d drive up to a site, get out, take pictures, and then their guide would try to herd them all back into the bus for the next site. Some people would get on the bus as soon as they were told to do so. Others would linger to take just a few more pictures, or because they hadn’t seen everything they wanted to see, or because they liked what they saw so much they didn’t want to move on.

As I watched, I began to think about the metaphor in the situation. We are the tourists in life and God is our tour guide. And we, like the tourists in NY and Ireland, react to His call to get on the bus in different ways. Some of us act immediately when he says to board the bus, others linger for just a few more experiences where we are, and others are very unwilling to part with what we think is a good thing. Still others, when life is concerned, refuse to board the bus at all.

Just as with the tourists, we cling to what we have before us because it is known. We aren’t sure whether the next stop is going to be as good or that we will like it as well so we linger. But with God as our tour guide we can always know that what is next is for our best good, it is part of our progression, and therefore we shouldn’t be reluctant.

Because of that one of the most helpful mottos for life is, “The best is yet to come!” With God as our guide, we are always going to end up in the very best place, the very best situation, the very, very best condition. So whatever you are doing right now, stop, breathe in deeply, and say right out loud, “The best is yet to come!” and get on the bus!

Beyond Me

One of the blessings that comes from vacationing is that it jerks us out of our routine and the daily things we take for granted. Life is interrupted for the days or weeks we are gone and when we return we see them in new ways. At first I was worried about coming home from such a magnificent setting as Ireland. I thought maybe Utah would seem barren and dull, but instead I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the feeling of gratitude that has filled me. I’m grateful for my brown mountains and for the health that allowed me to enjoy the trip. I’m grateful for my soft bed and cozy home. I’m seeing things around me I haven’t noticed before, and I’m seeing things I have noticed before in new ways.

I love this feeling of gratitude that fills me with awe for the simple things around me, but going away and coming back has also somehow filled me with a consciousness of my relationship to God. I am aware that I am more than my body or my personality or my experience. I am God’s child and in some way that there are no words to describe I’ve a “genetic” link to Him that is as real as the links to my parents that gave me hazel eyes and long fingers. I am part divine and cultivating that divinity is what life is all about. I have been given this very moment in time to exist and if I use it to love and to serve my divinity grows—just as using a muscle makes it stronger. I am grateful both for my knowledge of that divinity and for that divinity itself.

In short, I’m brimming with the joy of gratitude today. I’m thankful to be. I’m grateful for existence. I’m so happy because I am the daughter of the King of Kings!

Enjoying Life

I’ve been tending grandsons and it has brought back a lot of memories. Tired memories! Happy memories! Teasing memories! Joyful memories! And even “is this really life?” memories. It has been fun.

The reason I am tending is that their mother, D4, is running the Ragnar Wasatch Back with D5 and my sister and her daughter and some others. (There are 12 people to a team.) I think they are all crazy, but they love it. The Ragnar Wasatch Back goes for 187.8 miles of rugged country in the Wasatch mountains of Utah. My daughters were responsible for three legs of 5 to 9 miles each. The teams run all day and all night for up to a day and a half depending on how fast they are. It makes me tired to think about it!

But, as I said, they love it, and it is teaching them wonderful things about life, nature, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. That is what is interesting to me. When people love the Lord, he teaches them about himself through what else they love—as long as they put Him first. Whatever language, whatever interests, whatever likes we have the Lord uses those to draw us closer to Him.

So enjoy what you love and watch for what it teaches you!

Reflecting on Family Scripture Study

Now that my children are grown and married and have children of their own, I find myself looking back on family life with new eyes. For example, what I see now is that family scripture study was a metaphor for life. Most the time the kids weren’t paying much attention. They went through the motions, but their minds were elsewhere. Since we had family scripture study first thing in the morning, elsewhere was usually asleep. But somehow, someway some things communicated. Questions came up more often than answers and everyone complained but afterward recognized that it really was good and they were glad they did it.

There were mornings I was ready to give up, but I’m now glad I didn’t. We managed to read the Book of Mormon seven times, the New Testament once and part of the Doctrine and Covenants. It is like Elder Bednar said last conference about consistency. Most days scripture study was chaos but the cumulative effect was surprisingly peace and rest. I guess that is one of the miracles of the gospel and to me it is equivalent to the miracle of the parting of the Red Sea. I don’t know how chaos created peace, but it did.

I think maybe that is how I’ll feel about life once it is over.

The Orchestrated Life

Last night we heard the Utah Symphony play. I love the symphony, but besides the beauty of the Beethoven and Rachmaninoff pieces, I was struck with the amazing metaphor an orchestra is. Each instrument is very unique—English horns, violins, bassoon, timpani—yet when they come together they complement and enhance each other. By carefully following the composer’s score and following the conductor’s direction, the instruments make music that resonates in the marrow of the bones and surpasses anything one instrument could do alone.

I couldn’t help but think how much this is like life. Each of us is very unique and that uniqueness is important to our mission in life. If a timpani tried to play the part of a violin, the percussion of a piece would be ruined. It’s so easy to see in an orchestra, but in life too many of us are trying to be what our neighbor is instead of following our own music and being our own selves. We get jealous that the violins have more parts or that they carry the melody. We think that because we as timpani only come in once in awhile we aren’t as important and loved. But a symphony would be ruined without the timpani even though it isn’t the melody. It is still an integral part of the orchestra.

Some of us are also rebelling against the score. God is the composer and instead of following the “notes” he has written for us to obey, we want to do our own thing in our own way. Selfishly we try to make our own melody while ignoring the composer, the rest of the instruments, and the conductor (prophets and leaders). It is like a whole orchestra playing Rachmaninoff while one lone clarinet is playing jazz. It doesn’t work.

I could go on and on in the comparisons. My mind was swimming as I left the concert hall last night. But I’ll let you think of the rest. I also hope you’ll think about the music you’re playing and realize how important it is to the rest of us—especially when you are in harmony.

Musings While I Sewed

I was sewing yesterday. My better half went to California (He went there to run a half marathon and came in second in his age group!), and with him gone I could take up the whole kitchen with machine, cutting board, ironing board, and mess. I made Roman shades for my den and since I didn't have a pattern and was just "winging it" I also did a lot of unpicking.

While sewing and unsewing and sewing again I had a lot of thinking time and I began to realize the metaphor in sewing. One little stitich at a time that material soon became a functional window dressing. It took awhile, but stitch by stitch it was accomplished. Mistakes were made, but like the repentance process, I unpicked the incorrect stitches and started over. Process. Patience. Repentance. Begin again. Process. Patience. Isn't that how you make a good life?

I think that now every time I look at those shades, I'm going to think about life. But with life I have a pattern given to me by the Savior and if I just follow it, I won't have any unpicking to do! What a blessing!

Feel the Happy

I woke up this morning happy. I like happy. There is a lymphangioma behind my left eye, cancer on my face, a painful cyst in my left foot, not to mention that I’m getting more wrinkly by the minute, but that is nothing compared to what some people suffer. I’ve had a great morning. Besides the normal business of the day I walked three miles on the tread mill while watching a hilarious episode of “The Irish R.M.”; breathed in the crisp, morning air; ate a delicious, juicy plum; received a delightful “I love you” text message from my daughter in Austin; teased my grandson Ryan; and am lounging on my bed typing this. I'm writing--doing what I love to do!

Life is wonderful! Life is a series of constant choices and I get to make them—no one else can. Life is living in every moment with what you have instead of thinking about what you don’t have. I am so blessed to know that!

If you haven’t felt the happy in today yet, do something right now that will make you smile.