Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday Challenge

It's Friday! 
How did you do with Anchoring yourself to the present moment during the past week? 
I'd really would like to hear your stories. 
So report In!

Living in Truth Challenge #2 - Fix it or Live With It

Remember vexation is the first clue that we have left the  
Realm of Truth 
and drifted into  

Let's use an example here that we can all relate to. Someone in your life disappoints you.
Perhaps they said they'd do something for you and they don't do it. Or maybe we expect something to happen and it doesn't like your spouse forgets your wedding anniversary. Suddenly you find yourself swimming with the Should Sharks. 

"He/she should have remembered. No one cares about me. If he/she loved me they'd remember." 

This week the challenge is to stop yourself the minute the Should Sharks attack and ask the questions, "Can I fix this or do I need to live with it?"

 If the answer is that you can fix it, go ahead and do it without wasting more time feeling sorry for yourself. If the answer is that you can't, then drop the  
Unnecessary Pain 
and get on with your life. 

Back to our example: Can you fix the fact that your spouse forgot your anniversary? No. What's done is done, and you can't change it. But you can control how you feel about it. You can make the situation worse by crying, complaining, getting angry, nagging, shutting yourself in your room and in other ways feeling sorry for yourself, etc. Or you can use the same amount of time and energy on fixing it. You can make a joke out of it and laugh. Buy yourself a present for your spouse to give to you. Take your spouse out to dinner. Or you can decide that next year you are going to send a note to your spouse before the date with a reminder or give some other hint so this doesn't happen again. At this point another Should Shark begins to circle: "If he/she loved me, he/she would remember!" Is that true? No way! Different people have different ways of showing love, and associating the ability to remember with the ability to love is an Illusion.

So. . . this week as soon as the vexation begins to boil, stop and ask, 
"Can I fix this or do I have to live with it?" 
and then do what you have to avoid the  
Unnecessary Pain 
and stay in the  
Realm of Truth.


Wendi said...

I've been feeling some extra anxiety about my health lately, so when I feel the anxiety mounting, I've been going on a walk around the track by our house. I concentrate on feeling the cool breeze and the warm sunshine. I focus on the blue sky, the patterns of the clouds, and the white snow on the mountains. It has helped me deal with the anxiety a little better.

I really need to work on this new challenge--especially with my kids' school work. :)

6L's said...

I've definitely had several situations causing me to practice lately, lol. I've been grateful for the challenge or I know I would be much more worked up than I have been. 3 different friends, 3 different situations.
#1. A person I befriended that I didn't feel super connected with, but have put a lot of time and energy (that I didn't always have to give) into being a steady and positive person in her life....she got upset over something I said, totally took it the wrong way. Her reply back really caught me off guard, as she took it completely different than I meant it. I have reached out time and again to her, even apologizing and asking forgiveness when I didn't do anything ill intended. I've reminded myself over and over that I cannot control her reaction and that I've done all I can do. I've worked too hard to change my way of thinking to get down about her choice. She has pretty much shunned me, not responding to anything so I'm choosing to walk away and just hold the space.
#2. A long time friend isn't being the friend I need. Our whole relationship has been about her and her problems. I have to decide if I want to live with it or bring it up to discuss. I know she doesn't even recognize it, she just tends to be more of a selfish person.
#3. A friend I've only known 2 years, I adore her. I love spending time with her and we have the best conversations. I always feel appreciated by her and she always has good advice for me. We share these wonderful intimate times and then we don't speak for way too long. She doesn't multitask well, doesn't email at all and doesn't reply to text messages or phone calls half the time or more. I had started to let it get the best of me, wondering why she doesn't have this same need that I do and why doesn't she care about me like I do her?
The more I practice changing my thoughts, the more I see them (my thoughts) changing more quickly. I've found the more I turn things around and do something nice for them or just raise the question that maybe they don't even see it, things resolve better for me and much more quickly! I'm so grateful for this, bc in the past I have held onto things for years and it's just a terrible feeling!!
Having 3 situations going on all at the same time has been quite a challenge but it also shows me how far I've come and that makes me so happy. :)
Making matters worse, 3 weeks of being sick and out of the normal routine makes your thinking turn more twisted, lol, so I feel I'm doing especially well given the loneliness.
Thank you for your help and the new challenge this week, I'll no doubt need it!!

Sherrie Mills Johnson said...

Wendi, I love your description of walking and anchoring. Thanks for sharing.

Sherrie Mills Johnson said...

6L's, Thanks for sharing. I don't know about anyone else, but I learn a lot from experiences and others. Keep Trekking in Truth!

Jenny said...

Thanks for this challenge. I have been thinking about this all day because I've had Should Sharks swimming in my head since something happened last night that I didn't like. I will use this tool this week! Thanks!