Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Close To the Heart

In class today as we discussed the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I shared my experience with Grizelda and what I have learned about the Atonement from that experience. Sharing the story brought back a lot of emotions and feelings that are riding close to the surface of my heart right now. But, today added something more to those feelings.

I brought my cage to class to show the students, and as soon as I pulled it out of the sack a student on the front row burst into tears. He continued to weep as I told the story and finally got up and left. He returned a few minutes later trying to compose himself, but it wasn’t until after class as I spoke to him that he told me that his mother died two years ago of a brain tumor and she, too, had a cage like mine that fit only her, that had been used when she went through radiation.

Obviously this brings up many questions such as why I was spared and she wasn’t. Why was I so blessed and not her? I have no answer to that question, and can only trust in the wisdom of God. But I feel the weight of the question someplace deep in my stomach. Where much is given, much is expected and I was given so much . . . so what is expected?

In a few minutes I will go into another classroom and teach the same lesson to a different class. I want them to feel the essence and importance of the Atonement. I want them to understand the love Jesus Christ has for them, but I also hope I won’t cut as close to anyone else’s heart as I did this morning.


Anonymous said...

After surviving breast cancer, I went through a very confusing time. I was so grateful to survive, but I had also lost 3 dear friends to the same disease. Their children were like my children, and they were all active, righteous and talented women. I just felt so sad that they had to leave, while I was allowed to continue to live and see children married, and welcome grandchildren into the family. It is always hard to come to terms with the fact that it is a loved one's time to return to Heavenly Father, but I have come to realize that it can be equally hard to realize that it is not our time, and we must continue to live our lives, and accomplish the things we were sent here to do. It has taken a lot of prayer and soul searching, but I have progressed to a point where I do not continually question, but just try to do my part to make my time left count, and try to help other people, too. And remember that I am here still, for a reason, even if I don't see that reason.I know what you're doing in your classes is very painful for you, but you're doing something in your classes that will help them, whether it is now or later, and I hope they appreciate what a beautiful gift you are to be in their lives. We, as humans tend to learn things more intensely when it comes from a person, rather than reading it in a book. I believe that sharing yourself in person will go a very long way to instill the principles you are teaching them, and I admire you very much for that.

Anonymous said...

I also appreciate your sharing. What I am learning is Heavenly Father does bless all of us in his infinite wisdom. You considered it a blessing to be able to live. And though the young man's mother died, she was blessed also to go to the other side. And when I have something really painful happen to me, I am being blessed. Heavenly Father's wisdom is in blessing us with whatever experience will bring us back to him and will bring others back to him.
Yes, there are moments of grace in our trials and those are blessings also, but perhaps the greatest blessings are those that we do not recognize as such when the pain is so great that we drop to our knees and plead for His help or comfort or learning.