The Vexing Truth

Vexation is a poison we inflict upon ourselves!

Two days ago I wrote about the beginning of school and the student who is teaching me lessons in Living in Truth. SuSu left a wonderful question. She said, "So not to encourage your vexation over said student; but do you ever just hope they drop your class since they bring their negative force into the room? Just wondering."

The simple answer to that is "Yes!" It would be nice. But the Truth is he hasn't dropped the class. What SuSu is getting at, however, is the question of whether hoping he goes away is Living in Truth or not. The answer to that brings up some very important nuances to what it means to Live in Truth.

First of all, thoughts of any kind sometimes pop into our heads uninvited. It isn't the thought itself that sends us into the Pit of Illusion. It is what we do with the thought. We can throw the thought out or we can swell on it. It is is a negative thought it will vex us. If the thought vexes us we need to ask, "Is this the truth?" In the case of my student, the simple truth is that he is bringing a negative influence into the classroom. The second question to ask is, "Can I fix it or do I need to live with it?"

In this case there are some options to fix the problem. Technically I could ask him to leave the class, but I don't think that is the right thing to do. I could say something very sarcastic to "put him in his place." But again that is not a good way to handle it. There are several other negative things I could do, but none of them seem right to me. But I can hope that on his own he decides to change classes as long as my hoping is a simple desire and doesn't  turn into fretting and or vexing. If the though crosses the line from being a simple desire and becomes a vexation that is creating vexing feelings, then I am in the Pit of Illusion.

Since the young man hasn't dropped the class my choice in this situation is to live with it and the way to live with it without vexing is to learn to love it. So I am working on thinking up all the possible ways I can to help him and to see him as God sees him. Yes, it takes effort, but the effort is worth it! It will keep me out of the Pit--a place I hate.

There's Help!

When the Lord explains to the Brother of Jared that he needs to build barges and cross the waters to reach the Promised Land he also tells him that "ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea" (Ether 2:25). When we look at Jared and his brother's journey through the wilderness as a metaphor of our own journey through the wilderness of telestial life, we realize that we, likewise, cannot make the journey unless the Lord prepares us to withstand the adversity we will encounter.

Taking the metaphor one step further, we realize that we can't Live in Truth without the Lord's help. He will guide us to recognize Truth, to identify and stick to the verity (the Truth) of any situation, and to understand how to deal with the Truth. We can't do it alone and if we are trying to do it alone, we will fail.

God wants us to succeed. He wants us to make the journey through life and reach our Promised Land, the celestial kingdom. And, most importantly, He will help us daily to Live in Truth if we turn to Him.

Crocheting and Life

Before my battle with Grizelda, I used to crochet a lot. I've made many, many afghans, and the rhythm of my hands as they hook a strand of yarn into a beautiful collage of stitches is extremely relaxing to me. But for some reason ever since Grizelda I haven't crocheted at all until last week when we went on retreat. I can't believe I forgot about how much of a stress release crocheting is.

One of the afghans I did long ago.

the afghans, I love the lessons crocheting teaches me. Crocheting (and a lot of other hand-work) is a lot like life. The afghans I make are a process. They start out as a raw product such as wool on a sheep's back. That wool has to be cut and then washed, carded, spun, and dyed into useable yarn. From that point I take a skein of "string" and using various stitches I hook the yarn in such a way that it becomes a covering that can warm and cuddle and service others. The pattern varies but if handmade even the same pattern will yield variances that give each afghan a beautiful individual identity. Likewise life is a process and if we are patient and submit to the""carding" and "washing" and "dying" and "hooking" and "tying" that are the process of life we become beautiful individuals capable of warming and nurturing others.

But one of the greatest lessons I've learned from crocheting is that if I make a mistake the only way to keep that afghan beautiful is to go back, undo the wrong stitch or stitches and then re-stitch as the pattern directs. It takes time. It's painful to unravel several rows in order to go back to the mistake. It's discouraging. But there is no other way. If you just keep adding rows to the mistake it becomes misshapen, or you have an ugly spot in the afghan that spoils the whole piece.

You already know where I'm going here. Fixing the mistakes in an afghan is like repentance. We can try to move on in life without repenting, but that mistake will affect everything that follows.

I once read that when people sin their emotional growth stops and that's why we find 60 year old people that haven't emotionally matured past 16. But when we repent we alleviate the mistakes of the past so that we can grow and move forward with the pattern of our lives and end up with a beautiful character. Each character will have distinguishing individual talents and abilities, but every one will be beautiful!

I am so happy to be crocheting again!

Learning Time

Look closely at this photo. The "Y" is made up of new students standing in the football stadium bleachers!

Today was my first day of school. BYU actually began their classes yesterday, but this semester I teach all four of my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to do research and other things. It will be nice.

First days are always exciting. Seeing all those young, beautiful faces out there and knowing that in a few weeks they will be my new friends energizes me. I love it.

But it is also fun as the semester wears on to see the personalities of the students come out. I have the most interesting, talented, and wonderful students. They constantly amaze me.

But once in a great while there is a student who amazes me in negative ways like one student today who kept rolling his eyes in obvious disagreement and questioning the things I said--and mostly what we did today was go over the expectations for the class. I already know he isn't going to like my class. And that makes me think about how many times I've gone into a situation where I could have learned so much, but my negative or prideful attitude kept me from learning and enjoying.

Mind you, I have over 220 students and that was the only one who was openly negative. But I learned something from him and I'm excited about the more positive things I'm going to learn from the other 219 students during the semester. I'm not sure who learns the most in my classes, the students or me!

Why Vex Over Why?

I was talking with someone just this morning and the question came up, "Why does life have to be like this?" I don't think there is anyone reading this who hasn't at some time or another thought that very question. But if there is one thing I have learned about the Good News! it is that God, for some reason, doesn't often answer the Why question. He usually answers the How, What, Where and When questions but seldom the Why questions especially in the case of specific Whys.

Acknowledging this has caused me to pause on several occasions when I've been consumed with wondering WHY, and has allowed me to drop the vexation of wondering by just saying to myself, "Oh, that's a Why question and God doesn't answer those."

Now I realize there are exceptions to this, but mostly it holds true and when I remember it I am able to move on and drop the vexation a lot faster and with more ease. I don't know why, God isn't going to tell me, and so why vex over it? There another Why question, but this one I can answer! There's no reason to vex.

Overcoming the Default "Position"

A few people in life are able to take what comes to them and love it without much effort. These are the people who were raised by parents who rolled with the ups and downs of life without vexing and so they learned how to do it by watching their parents. It comes naturally to them. But for most of us learning to Live in Truth takes continued effort because the default "position" in a telestial world is vexation. We experience stress and we become vexed. We think it is what has to happen.

But the Good News! is that when we realize that Living in Truth doesn't come naturally to us and that we need to work at it, we can do things that will constantly remind us and encourage us to drop the vexation and move on.

I have reminders all around me. Every morning when I look into the mirror I see "My Charge." On the back of my Ipad is engraved the words, "Take what comes, and love it." I have good words taped to the inside of my kitchen cabinets so that when I need or put away dishes I see them. I also have associated reminders to items in my home so  that when I see them I am reminded of what Living in Truth is all about. Daily scripture reading also reinforces my desire to Live in Truth.

In short, Living in Truth doesn't come naturally to most of us. But the little bit of effort it takes to Live in Truth is well worth it.

Changing the Stress Story

This has been the craziest, busiest summer I've ever had. In the last two months I've been in the province of British Columbia, Canada, and the states of South Carolina, Tennessee, California, Alaska, and Washington-with a few stop overs at home in Utah. I'm feeling dizzy, but I've loved every minute of it. I've met wonderful people and seen some beautiful country. The travel has renewed and refreshed me, but as you all know traveling has its frustrations and so it has given me some unusual experiences in which to use the Truth Tools and practice Living in Truth in ways I don't get in my normal routine.

It has reminded me that when under stress one of the best things we can do is change our story from "I don't like this," to "Wow, what an opportunity to grow and practice Living in Truth." It is amazing how a simple thing like changing the story we are telling ourselves makes such a big difference in our lives.

The Power of Memory

This isn't the wood pecker I saw, but it is similar.

Just outside my 2^nd floor window is a balcony and three feet from the balcony grow two large, beautiful quaking aspen trees. Yesterday while watching the wind gently rustle the aspen leaves two wood peckers landed in the tree and began pecking at the trunk. I’ve never seen a wood pecker that close before and was startle by the how brilliant the blue feathers sparkled in the sun. There is an awe and reverence that comes when I see nature up close and for some reason the magnificence of that sight filled me with more awe than usual as I watched the two beautiful birds.

After a few minutes the birds flew away, but the sight and feeling has not left me. God has given us such an amazing world and I am grateful for it. I’m also grateful for the power He has given me to remember the beautiful moments so that when times aren’t as wonderful as they were yesterday I can recall the beauty and bring it into the present. What a blessing! A beautiful world and the gift of memory to recall the beauty when the storms come. God thought of everything, didn’t He!

I hope you are all having a wonderful day, and if you aren’t I hope you remember!

Take the Happiness Road

I’ve been reviewing the academic literature on happiness studies and found something that verifies what Living in Truth is all about. The study showed that happy people don’t just sit around being content. Instead happy people make things happen. They are active in seeking out new understanding. They seek new achievements and experiences. AND they control their thoughts and feelings. They have developed ways to push the negative thoughts out of their minds and consciously seek positive thoughts which they savor.

That’s what the Truth Tools are all about—a way to push out the negative and make way for the positive.

The conclusion of the study is that happiness is something we make, not something we encounter. And as we’ve learned from Living in Truth, happiness is available in any given moment if we choose the Happiness Road and Live in Truth.

Hand in Hand

In the classic movie, The African Queen, Katharine Hepburn tells Humphrey Bogart, "Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above!" Not many people today acknowledge that fact. Instead life today is all about giving in to nature and to the instincts of the natural man. Yes, giving in often offers some pleasurable moments, but that is all it offers--moments here and there. The true lasting happiness that is joy comes from rising above nature, transcending and overcoming the natural man, and becoming something better, something more than natural.

That's where the Good News! comes in. How to rise above nature is what the Good News! of Jesus Christ is all about--we can Live in Truth and be lifted to new realms of happiness and joy that are constant instead of fleeting and momentary. We can do it because Jesus Christ has opened the doors for it to happen AND because He will take us by the hand and lead us through those doors if we will only reach out and take His hand.

When we Live in Truth we are walking hand in hand with Jesus Christ.

Sabbath Scripture

Be ye steadfast, 

unmovable, 

always abounding in the work of the Lord,

 forasmuch as ye know 

that your labour 

is not in vain in the Lord,

1 Corinthians 15:58

BYU Education Week Day 5

Physically I am drained, tired, and ready for the week to end, but spiritually and emotionally I am very sad to have this amazing week end.

I am so thankful for the many new friends I have made and the stories they've shared with me. I've been hugged by former students and filed with delight in seeing them again. I've been hugged by people who are feeling the spirit of the things I've been teaching. I've been hugged by people who are in pain and excited about the new hope they have received. I've been hugged by friends I haven't seen for years and friends I see frequently. I love hugs so it has been good, and I hope you are feeling a cyber-hug as you read this because I'm sending all those hugs on to you!

Today Mr. J and I are going off to relax and renew and enjoy. Next Sunday is our 45th wedding anniversary and we thought that deserved a week away together. I'm going to do some studying, read a good book for purely escape, crochet, swim, bike, hike, snuggle for more hugs and kisses from Mr. J, and just plain enjoy. It will be a whole week of Anchoring and enjoying every precious moment! 

BYU Education Week Day 4

I hope you are enjoying Education Week. Besides the wonderful feelings generated by all these people, the setting here at BYU is one of my favorite in the whole world. Y Mountain rises majestically just east of the campus and this morning the sunrise was a soft pale pink hovering over the mountain top. The delicate beauty of it sent chills up my spine!

Yesterday went well. The Truth class was full, but the Lewis class on his fiction writing was only about 7/8 full. That could mean I am boring people and so they didn't want to come back to the class or that people aren't as interested in Lewis's fiction as they are his life and his non-fiction or maybe some people are going home early.

Since I Live in Truth and that means I am the storyteller of my life, the one who chooses which story to tell myself (After all, the truth is that there is no way to know for sure why there were less people!), I am choosing to think that people aren't as interested in Lewis's fiction.

There. I am at peace. No vexation. I am happy and life moves on. See how simple it is! It is such a change from the way I used to live when I would have vexed for days because I was sure I had bored people. So much Unnecessary Pain! I love Living in Truth!

BYU Education Week Day Three

It is such a joy when people stop me and talk to me or come up after I speak to chat. I love the many interesting and beautiful people I've met this week. I especially love it as they tell me stories of their quest to Live in Truth and how it has changed them. I know how it has changed me and that is what makes the work and effort and time to do this so worth while.

Yesterday both the Living in Truth and the C. S. Lewis classes were over-flowing. I like that because it adds an energy to the room that benefits me and everyone participating. The preparation was a little frustrating and I had to apply a few Truth Tools because I got to my office and realized I had the wrong PowerPoint slides and so I had to start over and recreate them before my class and I realized I had left the Lewis books I was supposed to quote from at home. Mr. J kindly drove home to retrieve the books and in the end everything worked. Wow, am I thankful for what I've learned about Living in Truth. A few years ago a day like yesterday would have had me so vexed and sunk me so deep in the Pit of Illusion it would have taken a week to crawl out. But yesterday I arrived at my class with no residual negative feelings, unvexed and roaring to go.

Have I mentioned before how very much I love Living in Truth?!!!!!  :)

BYU Education Week Day Two

Education Week went well yesterday. It was so busy I didn't even have time to post about it. The devotion was given by Elder Tad Callister and was fantastic. Again if you want to be part of Education Week and are not able to be here, get on BYU Speeches as soon as his talk is available and read it. He spoke about our divine nature and what that means and how it separates us from other religious ideals. The main point was that as spirit children of God we have inherited godly characteristics that we need to be aware of and develop. It was encouraging and uplifting and informative!

Since I said the prayer at the devotional I was invited to a small luncheon afterward. Elder Callister and his wife were there, President Samuelson and his wife, as well as several vice presidents of the University. It was fun to mingle and chat and relax with them.

After that I taught my two classes. First I taught "'Come What May, and Love It' But How?" and right after that I taught The Life of C. S. Lewis. Elder Callister had quoted from Lewis four times in his talk and that served as a wonderful introduction to my class which was so full they needed to open up two overflow rooms. All that energy makes teaching all the more fun and so I had a great time that hour talking about one of my mentors. I can't wait to meet him some day!

The energy, love, happiness, joy, and fun are abounding and I hope in some small way to share that with you. Enjoy!

BYU Education Week Day One

The first day of BYU Education Week has gone well. I taught my class on Faith Works By Words and met some wonderful people. That is what keeps me coming back to teach at Education Week. Just walking around campus with all these amazing people lifts and encourages. I wish I could transmit the feeling to you, but hopefully by talking about it and you reading about it you can feel it. But remember WORDS are powerful.

If you read this and think the words, "Poor me. I can't be there,"then the words will create negative feelings that destroy faith and instill depression and dismay.

But if you read this and think, "At least I get to hear about it, and I can imagine how it is," then you will have almost the same experience I am having. The WORDS you use make all the difference in the world.

So use your imagination and think about what it is like to be among thousands of believing, faith seeking, wonderful people. Feel the aura that exists, the love that emanates from them. Enjoy the sounds of people greeting each other with kindness and every where you go people making new friendships. It is a little taste of heaven.

Sabbath Scripture

Therefore, let your light so shine before this people,

 that they may see your good works 

and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

3 Nephi 12:16

Take the Gift

I don't know where this summer has gone. Wasn't yesterday Christmas? But here we are with school starting and Fall in the air. Ready or not, life moves on. And another of the advantages of Living in Truth is that life moving on doesn't stress or worry us. We plan for the future, learn from the past, but live in the present.

Because we aren't focused on the past or the future, we see and discover many wonderful delights offered to us in the present. I like to think of these as gifts from God. I know that when I give a gift and it isn't acknowledged or accepted, I feel bad. So by living in the present and recognizing the many gifts given to me in a day, I hope I'm making God happy. I know I am. I can feel it.

Have a wonderful, gift filled day!

Confidence

One of the most amazing things I’ve discovered about Living in Truth is what it does to me. There is something very liberating that occurs when you acknowledge Truth and simply do what needs to be done. Communion with the Spirit, gifts of the Spirit, miracles, and blessings are all available when we are living in Truth and are absent when we are living in Illusion. One of the greatest of these blessings that I’ve experienced when living in truth is confidence.

I have a favorite quote from Marianne Williamson that sums up what I mean by confidence and the realization that comes to you when you Live in Truth. She says, “’Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

When you Live in Truth you automatically become a light to others. Without conscious effort, you naturally do what the Savior instructed when He said, “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven” (Matt 5:14-16).

Words and Faith

I’m working hard preparing for the classes I’ll be teaching next week at BYU Education Week. On Monday I am teaching a two hour class called “Faith Works By Words,” and I am very excited about the things I am learning. The class is based on teachings from Lectures on Faith in which the question is asked, “What are we to understand by a man‘s working by faith?” And the answer is, “We understand that when a man works by faith he works by mental exertion instead of physical force. It is by words, instead of by exerting his physical power, with which every being works when he works by faith” (7:3). After this statement examples are used of how God, using words, created the world by saying, “Let there be light: and there was light” (Genesis 1:3), etc., and how prophets of God stopped the sun or the rain or in other ways changed the course of events by using words.

It is easy to read that and think it has nothing to do with us. That is how God and prophets work, but I can’t make the sun stop in its course so the instruction has nothing to do with me. But creation accounts are all symbolic of what you and I need to do to become new creatures or in other words to be born again. This second birth happens only if we create it and how do we bring it about? By using words.

Words have power and when we use them correctly we increase in faith and gain the power to overcome the adversary. In the book of Revelation we are told that in the pre-mortal life Lucifer was cast out of the presence of God and came to earth where he tempts mankind to fall as he did. But some people triumph and those who do we are told, “Overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11). The power to triumph over evil is available to all of us through the Atonement and is made operative in our lives by the words we use.

I’m giving you a whole hour long lecture in a few paragraphs, but the gist of this is that words have power and whenever we use good words we build our faith and whenever we use negative words we eat away at our faith. When we start our day thinking, “This is going to be a good day!” we grow in faith and when we start our day thinking, “Another day of dreadful work which I hate” we decrease in faith. Faith isn’t a matter of what words we use to think about religion. Faith is a matter of what words we use when we think and speak.

I know a woman in her late 60s who has never been married. Instead of becoming bitter or self-pitying over that fact she rejoices each morning when she wakes up by saying, “Wow, I’m one day closer to the day when I find my eternal companion.” She is using words to build and sustain and create faith. She, in essence, is saying, “Let there be light.” And by her words she is creating a life of faith, and it is good!

Words = Character

Psychologists and self-help gurus tell us that we can’t help what we think, that thoughts just come to us. While it is true that thoughts just come to us, it is also true that once they have come to us we have power to savor them or cast them out. The words that pop into our heads are not cement that can’t be moved, but more like feathers that can be blown out with a little effort.

Repeatedly the scriptures warn us about the words we think and the words we speak. Here are a few:

 Matthew 15:18 

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth 

come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.”

Mosiah 4:30

“If you do not watch yourselves, 

and your thoughts, 

and your words,

 and your deeds, 

and observe the commandments of God . . .   

 even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish.” 

Matthew 12: 36-37

“But I say unto you,

 That every idle word that men shall speak, 

they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 

For by thy words thou shalt be justified, 

and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

Learning to control the words we think and speak is important. Words form thoughts. Thoughts determine behavior. Behavior becomes habit. Habit forms our character. That means character development all begins with the words we choose to think. So think good words today! (And always!)

Out of the Pit

Living in Truth means living with what is, or in other words accepting the verities of life. The opposite is living in Illusion which is living with what is not, or in other words expecting life to be different than what it is. When we live in Illusion it always feels like we’ve falled into a Pit and thus I call it the Pit of Illusion. That deep, dark Pit has some symptoms that we should all be aware of because recognizing them helps us know we are inflicting pain upon ourselves. Remember, it is always possible to get out of the Pit and out of the pain. Falling into the Pit is a choice and therefore climbing out is also a choice. Therefore, the symptoms of the Pit are like a fever, they warn us that something needs to be done to cure the symptoms and change the course we are on.

Here are the symptoms:

(1) When in the Pit of Illusion there is no light. I’m not talking about visible light, but we feel darkness and all the negative, vexing feelings that go along with heavy, depressing darkness.

(2) When we are in the Pit we feel alone and separate from everyone around us. We feel friendless and unloved.

(3) When we are in the Pit negative emotions overwhelm us so that we feel helpless. It seems that nothing we do will help.

(4) When we are in the Pit we feel like God has abandoned us. The truth is that God always dwells and is found in Truth, therefore we are the ones who have removed ourselves from God. He is the God of Truth and so when we are in the Pit it makes it very difficult to hear and feel the promptings of His Spirit.

When we feel any or all of these symptoms it is time to pull out the Tool Box of Truth Tools and go to work. Remember, there is always a way out of the Pit of Illusion!

The Happiness Choice

Before you read anything else stop and ask yourself the question:

 "What do I need so I can be happier?" 

Think about it carefully, and write your answer down.

 Now you can go on.

Most of us answer the happiness question with something like, a new job, more money, a better boss, more free time, a new home, or a better relationship with my spouse. But all of those things are about life circumstances and research has shown that only 10% of our happiness is determined by circumstances. Another 50% is determined by our happiness set-point which is determined by our genetic make-up and hereditary training. In other words, how our brain is wired and how we have been programed to think by the people who raised us. The most important factor in this research is that 40% of our happiness is determined by our own choices.

Most of the psychologists doing this research claim there is nothing we can do about the 50% and 10%, but that we have total control over the 40%. I disagree. Although it takes a lot of effort, we also have some control over how we react to our circumstances and we can eventually change our set-point. The way that is done is by consistently making choices that make us happy. For example, instead of waking daily and fretting (vexing) over the fact that our house is too small and we need a house in a more affluent neighborhood, we wake each morning grateful to have a house and looking for ways to serve the people around us.

Now look at what you wrote down and decide where it fits in this discussion and determine what you need to really do to be happier.

Yes, it takes mental exertion and work to change attitudes, but it can make all the difference in the world whether we are happy or not. No one can make you happy. Happiness is a choice and only you have the power to choose it.

Anchored in Nature

Two days ago I spent the day at Antelope Island, the largest of the ten islands in the Great Salt Lake, and yesterday I spent the day in the mountains near Deer Creek Reservoir. I had no Internet or cell phone access and both days were absolutely beautiful weather wise-not too hot and with a gentle breeze teasing the air. As I watched wispy white clouds swirl over the Great Salt Lake I felt such peace and suddenly it hit me that one of the reasons nature revives us and brings us such peace and joy is because we naturally Anchor when we are in nature. Something about it causes us to forget everything that is vexing us and to focus on the present moment.

The same thing happened yesterday in the mountains. As I got out of the car upon arrival, I felt the peace wash over me and realized that in that moment without me consciously directing it, all of my senses were suddenly engaged in the present. I was seeing, smelling, feeling, hearing, and tasting the fresh air and the scenery around me. Because of that I was fully present--Anchored.

Realizing this I wondered how I could train myself to naturally anchor in other environments. It would take some effort, but if I consistently Anchored whenever I entered the foyer of our church building, or the entrance to my work, or the entrance to my home soon the feelings of peace and hope would naturally occur whenever I went to those places just like the feelings naturally occur when I enter a forest or hear an ocean.

I love the peace and joy Anchoring brings so I'm going to work at this. I'll let you now how it goes.